TITLE: Devotion 
AUTHOR: Ladyhawk
EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me
SPOILER WARNING: season 6
RATING: NC-17
CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R 
Content warning: Slash, Mulder/Skinner
SUMMARY: Mulder isn't the only one with problems. Sequel to Conviction and On a Sunday Afternoon
DISCLAIMER: You think I own them? Yeah right, I can't even afford one of Mulder's ties. CC owns 
them all.


Series note: For any who haven't gotten it, this is book two of Karma. The first book is my 
story Conviction. The interlude (On a Sunday afternoon) goes between the two books.


Chapter I: Friendship Versus Love

"When are you going to do it, Fox?" Walter glares at me angrily over our dinners. "It's been six 
months. How much longer do you intend to keep her in the dark?"

"Does she really need to know?" I know I'm whining, but this is one conversation I don't want to 
have, either with Walter, or the woman in question, Dana Scully. "I've been able to keep it 
secret this long without a problem."

Walter snorts, unimpressed. "It's causing a problem between you two. I can see it when you try 
to talk in my office. Your 'togetherness' is missing." He picks up our half-filled plates. 
Neither of us have much appetite once we start arguing.

"She's just mad about. . ." I don't dare bring up *her* name. Scully must have communicated her 
concerns about Diana to Walter right before the Consortium's cover blew. And how do you explain 
that a kiss can be out of habit? It took me days of arguing before Walter even began to 
understand. Damn Frohike and his bugs, anyway!

Now, months later, I still can't say Diana's name without him seeing red. He doesn't trust her, 
and he doesn't trust me when I'm near her, physically or in thought. Both he and Scully insists 
that she led me on the whole time. There are days that I wonder if he and Scully are right, that 
I let her stomp all over me just because she once said that she loved me.

"Give it up, Fox! This isn't about your ex-wife! This is about us, and your relationship with 
your partner. She's your best friend, for God's sake!" Why is this making him so angry? What I 
tell Scully shouldn't have any affect on what Walter thinks of me, right?

I watch helplessly as he starts pacing. I can't tell what's going on in that steel trap of his, 
but I'm afraid to interrupt him to ask. I'm afraid of what his answer might be.

"Look, I have to get some air." He looks toward me and sees my fear. "I'll be back, I promise. I 
just need to calm down before I can discuss this."

I watch him go out the door, silently praying that I didn't screw up another relationship.

------------------------------------------------

I get up and wander around Walter's apartment, thinking. Why won't I tell Scully that Walter and 
I are involved?

I'm definitely afraid of what Scully will say. She's my best friend and all, but will her 
feelings for me override her religious beliefs? Catholicism is rather strict on its beliefs 
about alternate lifestyles. I really don't her to look at me in disgust because I'm bisexual. 
Skepticism I can take, but I don't think I could cope if Scully thought I was unfit to be in her 
company.

And as if that wasn't enough. . .I'm scared of Walter. He's been so kind to me these last few 
months. So is now when things are going to start going bad? They always do, at least around me. 
Is this where I royally screw up, by not telling Scully about us? Will he think I'm not good 
enough, not strong enough for him?

I don't even know if I'm strong enough for him. He wants love, commitment, the whole ball of 
wax. Can I really give that to him? He even tells me he loves me, and has from almost the 
beginning. I don't doubt his feelings. The man is and has always been the most sincere person 
I've known. But does he love me, or what he thinks he sees? Hell, I've made that mistake twice 
myself with Phoebe and Diana. Can I be the man he loves and give him the love he so dearly 
deserves? I wish I knew, so I could do it or stop leading him on.

Maybe I should just leave. It would probably be easier on him if I just went. He wouldn't have 
to fight with me, or try to make me good enough for him. And I wouldn't have to see him look at 
me with contempt when I disappoint him. I grab my jacket, getting ready to run. . .

"Where do you think you're going? We have to talk." I whirl around to face Walter, looking 
slightly less angry. 

"Well, I, uh. . ." Damn, I don't even have the guts to tell him I'm saving him some aggravation. 
His face calms even further. He puts a hand on my arm, caressing it lightly.

"I don't want you to leave. I love you. So you better be leaving because *you* want to." Damn 
his mindreading. He knows me too well. 

"But. . ."

He looks exasperated. "Fox, we can work this thing with Scully out. I just think the secret has 
gone on too long. It's not the end of the world." He searches my face. "It's more than that, 
isn't it?"

I nod. 

"Tell me." He pulls me down on the couch to sit next to him.

I stare at my hands instead of looking at him. "I--I don't want to disappoint you. I know I'm 
not good enough for you. . ."

Walter shoots to his feet. "Stop right there!" I can see his face turning red. He takes off his 
glasses and smooths his hands over his face. After a few minutes of silence, he turns to face 
me.

"Forgive me, Fox. I know it's hard for you. But you have to stop living under your father's 
standards. You are a good man. There is no reason to think you aren't good enough for me." He 
kneels in front of me and clasps my hands in his protectively.

"Walter. . ." How can't he see that I will fail him? I always fail. "I want to give you what you 
want, what you need. . ."

"There is only one thing I need from you, but I'm not sure you're ready to give it to me. I'm 
not going to rush you." He kisses my hands lightly and gets up. "When you figure it out, let me 
know the answer, ok Fox?" He smiles gently at my puzzlement. I am even more puzzled at his next 
statement. "Ah hell, maybe that's why you can't tell Scully."

"What? Walter, what do I need to give you?"

"I can't ask it of you, Fox. If you can't give it freely, it's worth nothing." His eyes are 
compassionate. "I'm probably not the one you need to talk to about this. Find a way to talk to 
her, Fox. I know its hard for you, but you need her by your side. As a partner and as a friend." 
He waves at the door when I don't say anything after a minute. "Go on. I'll be here when you get 
back."

"What if I can't?" It's hard to risk a friendship like the one I have with Scully.

"We'll deal with that if and when it happens."

I sigh and go to grab my coat. I don't know about this.

--------------------------------------------------------

I drive to Georgetown mechanically. My mind whirls with possible scenarios. She could kick me 
out, refuse to work with me. She could laugh in my face. 

That scares me. That really scares me.

I knock on her door hesitantly. It swings open a second later and her pretty face smiles up at 
me. "Hi, Mulder. What's up?"

"I uh, need to talk to you about something." I lean against the doorjamb as my knees start to 
shake.

"Sure, come in. What's wrong?" We sit down on her couch.

"I need uh, some relationship advice."

"Is your girlfriend giving you a problem, Mulder?"

"How did you know I was seeing someone?"

She smiles at the shock on my face. "I know you've been seeing someone for a couple of months. 
You stopped working late. I've been waiting for you to tell me about it. I was getting worried 
when you tried to hide it, but I figured it was none of my business."

"Uh, what would you say if I told you I didn't have a girlfriend?" My hands are shaking 
noticeably now.

"Is that it? Is that why you tried to hide. . ." She grabs my hand and squeezes it gently. 
"Mulder, for God's sake, I'm your partner. I don't judge you, or anyone else by who you date. I 
just worry when they take advantage of you, like Fowley did."

Relief collapses upon me. Then the guilt kicks in. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I let it affect 
us. . ."

She pats my arm. "It's understandable, Mulder. So what's your problem with this guy?"

"Well, uh, Walter says--" Shit. Maybe she didn't notice.

Luck is against me this time. "Walter--Skinner?" She laughs. "That explains a lot."

"Huh?" Her reactions aren't what I expected. I have to take time to process all this.

"He tried to talk to me a few times when you weren't around. He got all tongue-tied though. It 
was an interesting sight." I raise my eyebrow and echo her famous look of disbelief.

"I'm serious. Ask him about it sometime. So, you came here to get advice from me about Skinner? 
Is there something wrong between you two?"

"It's me, Scully. I'm not sure I'm giving him what he wants. I'm not sure I can." 

"What does he want? Did he tell you?"

"He sort of said that I'd have to figure it out. I don't know why he just didn't tell me."  I 
look beseechingly at Scully for an answer.

"God, I should've killed Diana when I had the chance. Love, Mulder. That's the important part. 
The rest of a relationship is mostly compromise. I guess he didn't want to force you into saying 
it if you didn't really mean it."

Love comes with conditions. He must want something more. "But how can I love him the right way?"

"Mulder, what is with you? There is no right way. You love me don't you?"

"Yeah, but that's different. You accept me as I am."

"And he doesn't? I find that hard to believe, considering how he treats the X-files."

As she says that, I begin to doubt myself. Walter hasn't pushed me, like Phoebe or Diana. He 
hasn't berated me, like my father. What if Scully's right? That all he wants is my love, in 
whatever form it exists?

Scully echoes my next thought. "So, do you love him?"

I stare at Scully's wall, thinking of the last couple months. The joy and wonder Walter has 
given me, the freedom to be myself, to let go of my past. All of it comes flooding into me, 
filling me with a warmth that is familiar. I was just afraid to believe in it. "Yeah, I do."

Scully's eyes twinkle at me when I turn my head. "So tell me about it."

For the next couple hours I do just that and more. I tell her all the secrets I've hidden from 
her. She laughs and cries with me as we relive the past, together this time. I find that I've 
missed Scully while I was hiding from her. 

I guess Walter knew that.

-------------------------------------------

It's almost one a.m. when I get back to Walter's apartment. It's a good thing tomorrow is 
Saturday because I'm too giddy to get any sleep. Too much relief in one day will do that. Not 
that I'm complaining.

The sight that greets me as I open the apartment door makes me smile and shake my head. Walter 
is asleep on the couch. The TV flickers in the darkness. I guess I'm not the only one who has 
trouble sleeping alone now. I hate to wake him, but I have to tell him. This can't wait until 
morning.

I kneel by his head and whisper in his ear. "I love you."

I watch eagerly as his eyes open and he turns his head toward me. His voice is strained from 
sleep but it still sweeps over me as if it were the finest music. "Fox, did you say something?"

"I love you." 

I am amazed at the transformation on his face. I almost can see him glowing as tears well up in 
his eyes. I gently wipe them away as they fall to one cheek. I'm shocked to find his hand 
reaching toward me to return the favor.

We stay like that for minutes, hours, who knows, just sharing love through our eyes and the 
simplest of caresses. Walter breaks the silence with one word. "Scully?"

"It's taken care of. She understands and approves. She said to tell you that."

"High praise, coming from her." I smile at him, but don't comment. I don't really want to 
discuss Scully right now. I pull on his arm instead.

"Come on, Walter. You'll sleep better in bed."

He complies as a laugh leaves him. "Why do I think sleep is not really what you have in mind?"

I give him my best innocent look, then spoil it by chuckling. "I just figured out I love you. I 
want to show you as well as tell you. You can sleep tomorrow."

He stops me at the bedroom door for a soul-searching kiss. "I don't care if I never sleep 
again."

I pull him into the bedroom, smiling, my soul singing with glee. I playfully peel off his 
clothes, tickling and caressing his body as I do so. Shouts of laughter are intermixed with 
gasps of pleasure. Music to my ears and my heart. I stare at his naked glory as I whisk away his 
briefs. Mine, he is mine. As I am his. I wrap my arms around those broad shoulders and nuzzle 
his neck, more content than I've ever been before. I can't be more content.

Walter proves me wrong. "I love you, Fox." 

Now I'm in heaven.

I meet his eyes and feel their pull more strongly than I ever have before. I let his love wash 
over me as he removes my clothes. Sparks fly as our lips meet. Our hands move to transmit the 
electricity to other parts. Groans echo through the room, but I don't know if they are his or 
mine. It doesn't matter.

I lay back on the bed, pulling Walter on top of me. "I want you inside me. Now."

"You wanted to show me. You do it." He rolls us over and kisses me deeply. I break away and grab 
the lube from his night table. His groans excite me as I coat his erection, paying particular 
attention to the sensitive spots.

When I'm finished, he pulls me back to his mouth. As his tongue plays with mine, I feel a finger 
entering me. Oh, my love. You're always taking care of me. I feel another finger join the first, 
stretching me gently.

Now it's my turn to care for you. I motion him into a half-sitting position on the bed. The I 
slowly lower myself onto his cock. I watch his face contort with pleasure, amazed. I am the 
cause of his pleasure. It finally sinks in. The realization makes my groan of pleasure that much 
stronger.

Walter grabs my shoulders and urges me on. Our rhythm is quick, sharp. We've waited so long for 
this day. I need to feel that sense of oneness in body, as I feel it in my heart. I know he 
needs it too.

We climax together, our shouts are simultaneous. I collapse on him, exhausted finally. The 
emotional rollercoaster I was on today has finally taken its toll.

I barely feel Walter pull out of me and shift us to spoon together. Sleep is claiming me 
quickly. But I hear his whispered "I love you."

And for the first time, my whisper echoes his.

************************************************************************************************

Chapter II: Where Does Loyalty End?


What is he going to think? Have I destroyed everything I love in order to save myself?

I hold my head in agony. I can't bear to look at the corpse in front of me, so I cover my eyes 
and sit down on a wooden box in this desolate warehouse. Yeah, I shot her in self-defense. But 
how do I tell him that?

I turn my head and see Scully approaching me with the question in her eyes. "Sir, what happened 
here?"

I take a deep breath. I can feel myself losing all the control I built up over the years. "Agent 
Fowley demanded information that I had hidden. An X-file. When I didn't comply, she pulled out 
her weapon. I defended myself, killing her, unfortunately."

Scully gazes at me sympathetically. We both know this is going to be rough on Mulder. "Which X-
file?"

"The one on Duane Barry. I made a copy of it right after you were abducted. I had a feeling it 
might be important. If what Barry said was true. One of the Spenders must have found out I had 
it."

"They must have been doing other experiments on him. Other than the ones done on me and the 
other women." Scully takes a hold of my arm. I turn toward her and see movement in the distance. 
Mulder is coming, running frantically toward us.

And he is far from sympathetic to my fears. He is a hurricane. The pounding I get is fierce. 
"You killed her! You fucking killed her! Was the jealousy too much for you?" He is out of breath 
just saying that. Tears run down his face, unheeded and probably unknown by him.

My gun is on the ground. I cannot deny the fact that I did it, nor do I want to. But how do I 
explain it was self-defense when he obviously has had trouble separating himself from the 
betrayer?

But before I can even try, he has me knocked to the ground. His eyes are blazing above me, his 
face full of rage. "She was my wife! How could you do such a thing?" His hands are balled into 
fists. I see them coming towards me.

They stop before impact. Scully is holding his fists inches away from my face, struggling to 
keep him still. "Mulder, you don't want to do this. Skinner. . .Fowley was going to kill him."

My lover backs away, but the rage is still in his eyes. What can I say to get through to him? I 
get up slowly, wincing at the wounds on my back from landing on the concrete floor. "I'm sorry, 
Mulder. I didn't want to kill her." It sounds lame to my ears, but it's the best I can do right 
now.

"Yeah, right." Mulder walks away stiffly. I look at Scully, pleading. What do I do here? Her 
eyes are empathetic, but she just shrugs. We have to let him figure this out for himself, as 
hard as it is. I wipe the tears from my eyes as we make our way from the scene and report to the 
police, who have just arrived.

---------------------------------------------

When I get home, Mulder is nowhere to be found. He hasn't officially moved into my Crystal City 
apartment, but he spends much more time here than his own apartment. So I am somewhat surprised 
that he isn't here. And dismayed.

After taking off my coat, I grab the whiskey bottle in my top cupboard and pour myself a shot. 
One gulp, and I pour myself another. Before I can swallow that too, the front door opens.

Mulder stares at me quietly when he enters the kitchen. His face is calmer than it was a few 
hours ago. He takes the shotglass from my hand. "Tell me what happened, Walter. I think I'm 
ready to listen now."

True to his word, Mulder listens without interrupting. I describe the note Fowley sent me, the 
meeting, the threat, and the shot that had me standing next to her corpse. I pace the kitchen, 
afraid to meet his eyes as I relate the events. My voice shakes near the end. When I look up at 
Mulder, I'm not surprised by the tears that appear in his eyes, but his moan of agony scares me.

"Oh, what have I done!" He falls against the counter for support as his hands go to cover his 
face. He slides down to the floor, still covering his face with his hands.

Terrified, I kneel beside him. "Fox? What's wrong?"

"I--I reported the incident to the Director. I know I shouldn't have without listening to you, 
but I was furious! I, I wanted to hurt you." His eyes shyly look toward me.

Great! At the very least, I will be suspended for the period of the investigation. I could get 
fired for this, maybe arrested if the evidence isn't in my favor. I know my face is turning red. 
I'm ready to lash out at Mulder, but I stop myself before I repeat his mistake. I remind myself 
that I love this man.

I take a few deep breaths and re-establish some calm. "What did you tell him?"

"I--told him about us. I'm sorry, Walter. I didn't think." He gets up to grab his coat, 
presumably to leave me, to run. 

The patience I have tried to maintain every time we fight finally snaps. "Will you for once deal 
with me head on?! I'm sick of you trying to run every time something goes wrong!"

"But--I might have. . .gotten you fired." The last part is said in a whisper. His coat hangs on 
his outstretched arm, forgotten.

I notice and take it from him and hang it back up. "All the more reason that I want you to stay 
and help me."

I take a deep breath and grab him by the shoulders. "Yes, I'm furious at you. Right now part of 
me would like you to leave and never come back. But my heart won't let me make you go. I love 
you, and that comes without conditions. But right now I don't like your behavior very much." 

I sigh and drag him to the couch. "I'm going to call Scully. I think we need someone relatively 
impartial here. Maybe she can help us figure out what to do."

Mulder looks a little less green as I say this. I hate to tell him that I don't think even our 
Doctor Miracle Worker can cure this situation. So I don't.

--------------------------------------------------------

Scully isn't as kind to Mulder as I was. "You did what? What the hell were you thinking, 
Mulder?" Her small but mighty hands are balled into fists as she paces my livingroom.

"I wasn't thinking, Scully. I was reacting. That's why we're in this mess." Mulder is spawled on 
the couch, but he looks anything but tranquil. He swallowed about a hundred sunflower seeds as 
we sat here nervously waiting for Scully to arrive. Now he's ripping up the newspaper. 
Reminiscient of Eugene Tooms, but I don't want to bring that up right now.

"It's one hell of a mess! Especially considering Fowley's weapon disappeared when we went to 
talk to the police."

And I thought things couldn't get any worse. My sigh echoes through the silent room. "Any ideas 
what we do now?"

Just then, the phone rings. The Director wants to see me as soon as possible. No, this can't 
wait until the morning.

I hang up the phone and turn to see two pairs of worried eyes staring back at me. "I have to see 
the Director tonight."

"I'll--" Mulder gets up from the couch to grab me.

"No, Fox. Stay here. If you want to make another statement to the Director, I'll relay your 
request. But I don't think we should risk making the situation any worse tonight." He nods his 
head at my implied question. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him.

"I love you. We'll make it through this somehow." Mulder's words surprise me. Not so much in 
what is said, but in the conviction he puts behind them. This isn't my battle. It's ours.

---------------------------------------------------------

It's almost midnight by the time I get back to the apartment. I'm lucky I made it back here, 
according to the Director. The only reason I wasn't arrested was Scully's testimony to the DC 
police that Fowley was going to kill me. We both will have to make our statements tomorrow 
morning to the Bureau's investigative committee. As will Mulder, now that he requested to make a 
second statement. 

The Director was honest with me. My career is in shambles. I will probably be let go quietly if 
I'm found innocent. If I'm guilty, well we all know the outcome of that. He swears it isn't 
because of my sexual preference, or even the fact that I'm in a relationship with one of my 
subordinates. Two accusations of murder on one of their higher-ups, even unfounded, is more than 
he thinks the Bureau can handle. I don't know if I believe him or not. Right now, I'm too tired 
to care.

Mulder meets me at the door. I don't know what happens, but he suddenly grabs me by the shoulder 
to hold me up before I pitch head-first to the floor. "Watch the rug." Oh yeah, there's a rug n 
front of the door, to wipe your shoes on.  Fatigue has hit me even harder than I thought, I 
suppose.

Mulder walks me into the bedroom slowly. I stand placidly as he removes my coat and suitjackrt. 
But when he beckons me to sitr on the bed and kneels down, I protest. "Where is Scully? Don't we 
have to--"

He cuts me off as he unties my shoes. "The only thing you have to do right now is sleep. Scully 
went home. We went over a plan of attack while you were gone. You can see it in the morning."

"I won't be your superior in the morning." Ah, damn. He didn't need to hear this now. But it 
just slipped out.

"What? What did the Director say?" He stops removing my pants and rocks back on his heels.

"That the Bureau will let me go either way." I cut Mulder off before his words echo his 
crestfallen face. "Given the evidence, Fox, this investigation would have gone on even without 
your meeting with the Director. Don't beat yourself up over it."

I look him straight in the eye before I say the rest. "I need you with me. I don't know if I can 
go down this path alone."

"You won't be alone. I promise." He shooes me under the covers. I watch him undress and join me.

I fall asleep wrapped in his arms, with his voice in my ear. "No matter what happens, I'll never 
leave you again, Walter."

************************************************************************************************

Chapter III: I Won't Let You Fall


I open my eyes to sunlight streaming through the curtains. I almost smile at the thought of a 
beautiful day. But then the memories of yesterday come flooding back. 

Look at what I've done. Why am I still here?

I hurt him. I destroyed his career. So why am I still waking up curled in his arms? I tense up 
inside those arms, not sure of what I'm supposed to feel right now. Apprehension of the coming 
day? Relief that I'm still here?

It's baffling. He's baffling. He didn't make me leave, throw me out of his life after I ran to 
the Director with accusations of murder. He had every right to. Hell, I wanted to die after I 
heard his side of the story. Walter dismissed my actions as impulse. He just asked me to stay to 
correct the problem.

Not that there's much correcting to do, according to Walter. The Director has decided that two 
accusations of murder, justified or not, are too many for an Assistant Director. PR is 
everything with them. I'd be gone a long time ago if it worked that way for field agents.

So I guess my job is to make sure Walter doesn't get arrested on top of this. He did nothing 
wrong. He defended himself from my ex-wife who was going to kill him to get some information 
about an X-file. God, Diana was a bigger bitch than I thought. It's strange, but I'm glad she's 
the corpse instead of Walter. Given the way I acted when she first reappeared, it's very strange 
indeed. But real love changes a lot.

The object of my thoughts open his eyes as the alarm rings. His chocolate eyes are trying to 
focus, trying to return to the real world. Oh, my love, you don't want to be here right now.

When he finally focuses on me, he moves to kiss my cheek. My thoughts are too self-demeaning to 
respond positively to his affection. My flinch away from him makes him sigh. "Fox, stop it. I'm 
not going to change my mind about us."

I realize I'm not doing anybody any good by beating myself up. I kiss him to tell him I'm sorry 
for my thoughts, my worries. We hold each other close for a few more minutes, trying to keep 
reality out just a little longer.

But then it's time to get ready for what could be the worst day of my life.

---------------------------------------------------

I'm shaking as I get out of bed. I don't know if I can do this. How do you defend someone you 
accused the day before? How can I hold myself together when I know Walter could very well fall 
apart? I give Walter space, grab some stuff out of the bathroom after a quick shower and go down 
to the kitchen to get ready. I need some time to myself.

Even with my rampant thoughts, I'm pretty calm by the time Scully comes over. I've convinced 
myself I need to be strong for him, as he has been for me. This situation is not easy for me, 
but it's going to be worse for him. I need to be there for him.

Scully and I discuss with Walter what we are going to tell the investigative committee. The 
facts, my misinterpretation of what I saw. We think it'll be enough to keep Walter out of jail, 
even with Diana's weapon missing. This whole situation makes me want to pray. I keep a hand on 
Walter as we talk instead.

We drive to the Bureau in Scully's car, silently. But when we get to the Hoover Building, Scully 
and I start organizing to keep Walter as safe as possible. We go into the building as a united 
front. Walter walks in between us. Scully and I keep the oglers and the jeerers away with looks 
alone. There is an advantage to being Mr. and Mrs. Spooky. The other agents are scared of us.

When we get to Walter's office, the Director is there. The whole situation must have started to 
sink in for Walter at the sight of the Director in his chair, because he stumbles. I grab his 
arm, hold him steady. His weight settles against me slightly. I accept it gladly. He wants me 
here, he needs me. 

The Director gestures for us to sit down. When we are settled, he settles back in the chair for 
a second, then drops the bomb. "Walter, your career with the Bureau has been terminated as of 
this morning."

My usually stoic lover starts shaking at this point. "There's nothing I can do?" His voice is 
strained. 

The Director's face is sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Walter. The news reporters have gotten ahold of 
the information. It's a mess. And they found out your. . .preferences, which makes the whole 
situation even worse. We can't afford the bad press. You know that. Luckily, I have been able to 
keep them from finding out who your significant other is." He stares pointedly at me.

Walter gains some relief from this, as do I. "So Mulder. . ."

"Can continue on the X-files, yes. I'll have to decide if the new person can handle the X-files 
before I put them under him or her. I know Kersch was trying to pull Mulder under." God, I 
didn't know the Director was so aware, or so sympathetic to my cause.

"So now what?" I don't think the worst of this is over.

And of course, I'm right. "Now our investigative committee and the local police will get 
statements from each of you. I can't tell you how this will turn out. Agent Fowley's weapon 
still hasn't been found. I will do all I can to support your character, Walter, if it comes to 
that." The Director gets up from behind the desk. "I'll leave you all alone now. Kim has told me 
she will clean out the office for you if you want while you're inside with the committee. She's 
been in tears since she has come in. I don't think she'll be of much use elsewhere today."

He lays a hand on Walter's shoulder. "Good luck. I'm glad to see you have two of our best agents 
supporting you. When this is over, if you need anything. . ."

"Yes, Sir." Walter's reply comes out in a whisper. The day's only begun and already he is 
exhausted. I can see it in his eyes. I look at Scully, who grabs my hand. We're all together. 
Right now, that's the best we can do.

-------------------------------------------------

Walter goes in and gives his statement first. I sit outside the conference room on the bench, 
trembling. "What if they don't believe us, Scully? What if they arrest him? I don't know if I 
can deal with that."

She's pacing in front of me, just as nervous as I am. But she can think more clearly under 
pressure. "You'll have to, Mulder. If he ends up in jail, you'll have to be there to support 
him. But let's just worry about getting through this, ok? He's not condemned yet."

"No, just without a job, his career."  I sigh. At least I've stopped blaming myself so much. I'm 
worried about him. I wish I could be inside with him while he makes his statement. But he's a 
strong man, he'll make it through. I'll have to settle for picking up the pieces afterward.

Walter comes out of the conference room looking harried. Scully and I both grab his arms and 
guide him to the bench. I crouch down in front of him once he's settled. "How did it go?"

Walter closes his eyes and leans his head against my shoulder. His words are muffled because 
they are said into my chest. "It's hard to say. They kept going back to procedure. Did I follow 
procedure? What is procedure worth when dealing with the Consortium? But I couldn't tell them
that."

Just then, one of the officiators calls Scully in. She grabs our hands briefly, then walks into 
the room. I know she'll do the best she can for us.

While she is gone, I take a chance and sit down next to Walter. I put my arm around him as he 
leans into me. We sit quietly like this until Scully comes out, just absorbing each other.

Then it's my turn. As the officiator calls my name, I look toward Scully, who is standing next 
to Walter's seated figure. She nods a yes, of course she'll take care of him for me.

I walk into the conference room and scan the six faces that are examining me. Not an expecially 
cheerful crowd, but what did I expect? I seat myself in the chair facing the assembled group.

Over the next hour and a half, I find myself repeating the same thing constantly. No, I didn't 
see the actual confrontation between Walter and Diana. No, I no longer think he murdered her in 
cold blood. That was my shock and anger talking.

My relationship with Walter did come up occasionally, but I think the Director was actually 
right about this. That wasn't the center of their attention. They just wanted to see if Walter 
was using our relationship to manipulate me. I couldn't tell them that he did from the start, to 
make me a better person. These people wouldn't get it. But they did seem convinced that he 
hadn't manipulated me into lying for him. At least not this time. May they never find out about 
the time I actually did lie for him.

By the time I leave the room, I know why Walter was so tired earlier. Those questions are 
exhausting. The group still has to question the local police officers, but I go out of there a 
bit more confident that we'll be ok.

Since all three of us are done for now, we walk back to Walter's office to see how Kim is doing 
wit the clean-up. We don't talk much, just about some of the things said in the conference room 
and how we feel. We can't talk about the future, not even tomorrow. That has to wait until we 
know what tomorrow will hold.

Kim is packing a box with the last of Walter's personal things when we enter the office. She 
smiles slightly at us, then turns her head. I can see her body shake with her silent sobs. I I'd 
like to join her, but right now I'm needed elsewhere.

I pull Walter down onto the small couch in one corner of the room. I lean back, pulling him with 
me. "Rest." As I feel him comply, I close my eyes to follow my own advice. I know Scully can 
handle any intrusions.

-------------------------------------------------------

Scully shakes me awake. I look at my watch. I've slept two hours. I look down to see Walter just 
starting to wake, then glance up at Scully.

"They want us to come back to the conference room." I nod and pull myself upright with the help 
of Walter's hand.

When we walk in, the Director is standing on one side of the room. He smiles slightly as we pass 
him. Two more chairs now face the assembled committee. Once we are seated, the Director begins 
to speak.

"Walter Skinner, I am glad to say that the Federal Bureau of Investigation has officially 
dropped their accusation of third-degree murder against you.  Agent Fowley's gun has been found, 
with a bullet discharged. All testimony heard has collaborated your story, that you killed her 
in self-defense."

The assembled committee graces us with smiles. Like we're supposed to smile back or something. 
Yeah, right. But our sighs of relief echo through the silent room.  Walter looks up at the 
Director questioningly. "I don't remember her gun firing."

The Director nods his head. "Our guess is that she fired at the same time you did and missed 
rather badly. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind where you were standing, from her gun."

I grab Walter's hand and squeeze it slightly. The circumstances don't matter now. Only that 
these people believe them. I look up at the Director. "Are we free to go?"

"Yes, Agent Mulder. And I've authorized that both you and Agent Scully get a week off starting 
tomorrow. You both need some time after all this."

He comes up to Walter to shake his hand. "Walter, it's been a pleasure having you here. I'm 
sorry I can't keep you. If there's anything. . ."

I think Walter has had enough, because his reply is barely civil. "No thank you. I'll be fine." 
He gets up to leave and brushes past the Director. Scully and I hasten to follow. We only stop 
at the office to grab the boxes before we head home to Crystal City.

------------------------------------------------

Scully leaves us at the door to the apartment. "You two need time to absorb this. I'll be around 
if you need me. Otherwise, I'll see you in a week, Mulder." Her footsteps echo down the hallway 
as I unlock the apartment door.

Once inside, Walter sinks to the couch, looking like the weight of the world is on his 
shoulders. "What am I going to do now?"

"I don't know. Take up golf?" I try to throw some humor into the room, but it falls flat. 
Walter's look is annoyed as his eyes meet mine.

"It's not as if I need the money. They are going to leave me with my pension, and I have some 
money saved up. But I can't help you now. . ."

I cut him off before he starts acting like me. "Says who? I don't always get my help from 
official sources, you know that." He looks a little better at my words, but I think it's time to 
change the subject now.

"Let's worry about that later. Right now, I think you need a reminder of your worth. Let me take 
care of you." I smile at the suspicious glint in his deep brown eyes as I take his glasses off. 
I kiss him lightly. "You've been through hell today. You need it."

I kneel down and remove his shoes as I had last night. As I rub his feet, he leans back into the 
couch with a tired moan. I hate to move him, but I bet he'll be more comfortable where I'm 
taking him.

I pull him up to stand and guide him to the bathroom. He looks at me bemusedly as I fill the tub 
with hot water and begin removing his clothes. "Fox--"

"Shh. I want to do this. You need this. Just go with it." Once he is naked, I guide him into the 
tub and grab a washcloth. He moans softly as I rub the cloth over his arms and chest, not in 
arousal, but in the release of tension. He closes his eyes as he relaxes finally.

I think he falls asleep while I am washing his legs, but I don't mind. I figured he might. I 
just finish cleaning his body, then test the tempertaure of the water to make sure it's not 
getting cold yet. When I'm satisfied, I get up to sit on the closed toilet and watch over him 
for a little while.

My eyes trace his features lovingly. How did I get so lucky? All my other lovers were 
inconsiderate fools. But he, like Scully, saw straight through my defenses to the wounded man 
inside. Not so wounded anymore, thanks to both of them. Tears sting at my eyes, in thanks to 
whatever god there is for the gift I have been given.

After a few minutes, I get up to test the water again. I don't want Walter getting cold. As I 
reach into the water, I feel Walter's hand grasp mine. I look up to see his warm eyes regarding 
me. "I thought you were asleep."

"Only resting my eyes." He smiles at my slightly startled expression. "Come on, let's go rest in 
bed." I look at my watch. It's only six o'clock, but I feel like we've put in a full twenty-four 
hours. Sleep will probably do us both some good.

I help him out of the tub and pat him dry. As I do so, he laughs. "What?"

"You risked a perfectly good pair of workpants to bathe me?" I glance down at my suit pants. 

"Water is better than green slime or something." We grin together. We have found our way back 
from this.

And I want to share my discovery with him. I pull him into the bedroom. "Do you want to sleep, 
or. . ."

He smiles at the glint in my eyes. "What do you have in mind?"

"Just a little play, to celebrate us."

"I want to celebrate YOU. Your strength, your belief in us. You were so good to me today."

"I love you. You needed me. It's nothing more than that."

Walter grasps my hands gently and kisses them. "It's about time you realized that." 

I puzzle over this for a second, then realize he's referring to all the times he's stuck by me 
in the past. I always asked him why he stayed. Now I know.

He pulls me down on the bed. "I want you inside me. I want to feel your strength. I need to feel 
it now."

That is something we've done only once, a few months ago when Diana and Spender first 
disappeared. Then, it was an affirmation of his trust in me, and I in myself. This time it will 
take on a whole new facet: ME protecting HIM.  And I want to protect him from the whole world 
right now.

And so I take the initiative. My kisses are gentle, soothing. I want his arousal to be slow, for 
him to glory in every heartbeat.

My hands both massage and caress his muscles, making him moan in relief and delight. My heart 
cheers at each sound, and urges me on. I move my kisses down his neck, to his chest. I swirl my 
tongue over his tiny nubs and silently glory in his gasps of pleasure. And I move lower, over 
his abdomen, down his thigh, skipping over his straining erection for now. 

I worship his feet for a few minutes, with open-mouth kisses and caresses, then journey back up 
his other leg. This time I stop at his cock to caress its head. Walter strains up, begging for 
more. I oblige him and take it in my mouth. How warm and alive he is. I didn't realize how 
greatful I am for this fact until right now. My revelation spurs me to speed up my movement on 
his cock until he gasps "Enough!"

"Please Fox. Inside me. Now." I grab the lube from the table and kiss him hungrily. I want this 
too.

I stretch him open slowly with my fingers, feeling him squirm delightedly at my ministrations. 
When I'm satisfied I won't hurt him, I move into him slowly and lean over him to watch his face. 
Oh, what a sight!

He holds onto me as I begin to move, as if I am his base, his rock. It's amazing to me that this 
relationship can work both ways. That's my last thought before pleasure takes over my mind and 
body.

Walter comes with only the pressure of my body on his erection. His orgasm causes him to tighten 
around me, making me come seconds later.

I pull out of him when I catch my breath, and move to get off him, but Walter will have none of 
it.

"Stay. I need you to protect me a little longer. Tomorrow's soon enough for me to show my own 
strength."

As if he can be anything but strong. But I stay where I am, giving him my strength to build up 
his as we sleep.

***********************************************************************************************

Chapter IV: Support is Everything


"Crashhhh"

"Walter! Walter, are you ok?" Mulder comes rushing into the kitchen, a worried look on his face. 
He must have thought a Consortium member crashed through the window to get me because he's 
shaking. And his gun is in his hand.

God, I got to stop doing this. I'm upsetting him. And he needs my support right now.

I pick up the contraption for Mulder's fishtank that I was trying to fix before my anger got the 
better of me. I guess it's junk now. I'll have to buy him a new one.

"Yeah. Sorry, my hand slipped." I don't think he believes my lie, but he's willing to accept it 
for now.

"Just as long as you're ok." He puts his gun down in the table. His hands gravitate to my 
shoulders as I sit back down at the table. He starts rubbing at the sore muscles there and along 
my neck.

"Ouch."  I put my head on the table a little too hard. Or maybe not hard enough.

"Be careful, Walter." Mulder kisses the back of my head. "Are you sure you're ok? I know it's 
been hard for you since the Bureau let you go last week. . ."

If he only knew how hard. But he needs me strong. It's been tough for him dealing with Deputy 
Director Nivens while they hire a new AD. Mulder just isn't used to following rules to the 
letter. But at least he has the X-files and Scully.

I sigh, trying to think of a good excuse for my mood lately. Nothing comes to mind, so I use 
Scully's standby. "I'm fine, Fox."

"If you're sure. . ." I nod. "Then I'm going out for a run. I'm tense from this last case." His 
hands pat my shoulders lightly, then he moves toward the open doorway.

And what a case it was. A cult in Oklahoma was stealing people's pets for their ritual 
sacrifices. By the time Mulder and Scully got there, they were starting to steal babies too. 
Scully was a wreck when they came back two days ago. Mulder didn't look much better. But they 
stopped the sacrifices. God, I wish I could have helped them.

"Go ahead. Should I start dinner?"

"You're getting domestic, Walter." He smiles. "Yeah, if you want." He moves to the bedroom to 
change his clothes.

I follow him in silence and watch him leave.  I bang my fist against the bedroom door once he's 
gone, nearly putting my hand through it. The wood is definitely cracked where my hand landed.

I sigh and fall on the bed. What the hell am I going to do with myself now?

----------------------------------------

This pattern continues for a few more days. Mulder tries to get me to talk, knowing something 
isn't right. I avoid his questions, and start avoiding him, unconsciously. The sex, even our 
normal hand-holding, is nonexistant. When I realize what I'm doing, it only makes the situation 
worse.

It first comes when I see fear in Mulder's eyes. The anger, self-loathing. 

He comes home after being on a case, dirty, disheveled, and obviously tired. And panicked, if I 
interpret that relatively blank look right.

"Walter, I'm sorry. I got into an accident with your car. Scully and I, we were in a chase. . ."  
He has trouble continuing. His voice is shaking too much. 

They had been on a local X-file, one right outside Crystal City. By some weird coincidence, both 
Mulder and Scully's cars were in the shop today. So Mulder asked to use mine.

"How bad is it?" I growl at him. Not at his accident, per se. But at the possibility of him 
getting hurt. And the frustrations of being without anything to do, of course. I'm beginning to 
see how this frustration is affecting everything I do now. But he doesn't know that. I haven't 
told him.

He flinches away from me a bit. "It's, it's not bad. I'll pay for it. I promise." God, I hoped 
to never see that look on his face again, at least outside an X-file. Fear, for his own safety, 
well-being. This time directed solely at me. I curse myself in all the languages I've ever 
learned. 

I turn away from him. I can't comfort him, calm him down. I'm too upset at myself for what I 
have done. But he thinks my anger is directed at him. "Walter, I, I didn't mean to. . ."

"Leave me alone, Mulder." I shake off the hand that lands on my shoulder. I can't do it. I can't 
look at him anymore. I can only think of one thing: getting out of here before I hurt him even 
more. I grab my coat and flee out the door.

And I don't pause until I'm in the park about a half-mile away, where I collapse on one of the 
benches. What the hell am I doing? What am I doing to him? And for once, I have no clue how to 
stop it. I've gotten myself caught in a trap of my own making. My face falls into my hands. I'm 
only vaguely aware of the tears falling through my fingers.

--------------------------------------------

It may be hours, or minutes later when I hear footsteps approaching me. "Hey, mister, are you 
ok?" A young voice rings in my ears. 

I raise my head to see a young boy, maybe six years old. He looks a lot like Mulder probably did 
at that age. At my tearstained face, he startles. "Why are you crying? Grownups don't cry."

"Yes they do. When they are sorry they did something wrong." I sigh. "I don't know how to make 
it better." I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out to this youngster. Maybe I just need 
someone to listen.

"My mom always tells me to say I'm sorry when I do something wrong. And to ask for help. 
Sometimes I don't want to ask for help, even when it's too hard. You know, like my homework or 
getting something on a high shelf. But Mom says everybody has to ask for help sometimes."

Oh my God. This little boy instinctually shows me the thing I've been trying to avoid. The 
revelation hits me like a ton of bricks. I've been scared. Of the future, of turning to others. 
It's not a feeling I'm used to. I'm usually the one being turned to. And in my confusion, I hurt 
him. Oh, God.

The little boy starts to turn away, towards his family on the other side of the park. "Hey."

"Yeah, mister?" He turns back.

"What's your name? Mine's Walter." I smile, trying to show him I'm not dangerous.

"I'm Billy." William. Like my lover. Could it be an X-file?

"Thanks, Billy. I feel a little better now." The boy smiles, then runs off. I slowly get up from 
the bench. There's something I have to do now.

The object of my concentration must've followed me, because I meet up with him on my way back. 
And he still has that terrified look on his face. I have to put a stop to that. Now.

"Fox." He flinches slightly when I grab his arm, but I keep my hold gentle but secure. "Fox, I'm 
sorry. I didn't. . .I'm having a problem and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I took my 
frustration out on you." He looks at me warily as we walk back to the apartment, but he doesn't 
remove my hand from his arm.

----------------------------------------------------

When I close the door to the apartment, I let him go to look at him. What do I do? What do I 
say? Ah, hell. I'll just keep this simple. I hold out my hands toward him.

He slowly wraps his long fingers around mine. I don't move, afraid I'll scare him again. When he 
looks up at me, I take a deep breath and do my best to squeeze the words out. "I'm, I'm afraid, 
Fox. Of trying to start again, with a new job, a new career. I've been in law enforcement so 
long. . .But now I have a stain on my record. I don't think I can go back to any lower 
positions. And I don't want to abandon you and Scully. With the Consortium mostly destroyed, 
nobody knows what the aliens. . ."

Mulder pulls me down to the couch before I can continue. His grip on my hands tightens. "Walter, 
hold it a minute. Is this what all this is about? God, I should have told you sooner."

Mulder's famous guilty look twists upon his visage. "What, Fox?" I'm afraid to hope, but knowing 
Mulder. . .

"I talked to the Director. Pleaded with him, actually, both of us did. We want you as our. . 
.advisor. Unofficially, of course. The Director agreed. He's supposed to call sometime tonight, 
after he finds a way to discreetly put you back on the payroll." 

He smiles at me slightly. "Is that ok with you?" I can see the lingering doubt in his eyes.

Which I seek to get rid of right away. I pull my hands away from his and use them to pull him 
into my arms. "It's more than ok. It's perfect. Thank you."  I bury my face in his neck to hide 
the tears that are stinging my eyes.

But he must have felt them. His arms tighten around my back. "I love you, Walter. Do you really 
think I'd let you go it alone? I'm not that inconsiderate. Even Scully knows that." I can hear 
the smile in his voice. Relief makes me tired.  When I pull away, I notice something.

He's wearing his running clothes. I gesture at him. "Did you think you'd have to run a marathon 
to catch up with me?"

He laughs. "I wasn't sure. You left at a full run. But since I didn't, do you mind if. . ."

"Go ahead. I need some time to finish calming down anyway." He hugs me again, then gets up to go 
for his run.

As I watch him leave, I wonder how I can ever thank him for what he's done for me. He's been so 
strong and considerate of my problems. I begin to form an idea...

----------------------------------------

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