TITLE: Karma: Commitment AUTHOR: Ladyhawk and Amatia EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me SPOILER WARNING: season 6 RATING: NC-17 CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R Content warning: Slash, Mulder/Skinner SUMMARY: Mulder and Skinner are going on vacation. But what's wrong with Mulder? DISCLAIMER: You think we own them? Yeah right, we can't even afford one of Mulder's ties. CC owns them all. Chapter 1: Get While The Getting's Good by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu) God, I should have known that he was behind this case. The bastard. Wisconsin must be his new base or something. He must be trying to recreate Cassandra, hurriedly. The deaths of the MUFON members were rather gruesome. The alien's green blood poisoned them all. Scully and I looked everywhere we could think of for signs of the smoking creep, but no success. Only once, when we were in a warehouse I thought I saw him. . . -------------------------------------------------------- "Mulder, why are we going to a computer warehouse?" We were running between each of the three crime scenes all day, looking for connections. By the time we went to the warehouse, it was 6pm and we were exhausted. "One of the MUFON members we questioned said that the second victim came here to meet someone before he was killed. I'm hoping to find something." We drew our guns as we approached the quiet building and went inside. I flicked on the lights and nodded to Scully to take the right side of the building. I took the left. I moved cautiously. The lighting in the building was lousy, leaving much space in shadow. As I rounded one stack of boxes, a shadow moved. I ran toward it. When I arrived at where the shadow last was, I saw nothing but boxes. One of them suddenly fell behind me, startling me. I must have caught the edge of a box when I turned around toward the sound, because I felt a sharp pain in my arm. There was nothing there behind me but the fallen box. "Scully?" My voice carries in the empty room. "Over here, Mulder!" Scully was still on the other side of the room. I glided cautiously to the location of Scully's voice. I grabbed her shoulders so she didn't startle too much. My voice is gentle in her ear. "There's someone else in here." "Where?" "I'm not sure now. I saw something move over on the other side, but it left before I could see it." We continued to search together, but to no avail. That bastard gave us the slip. We went back to the motel. We had been here 4 days with nothing to show for it. It's time to leave. Our new AD Eckert probably wouldn't cut us any more slack. -------------------------------------------------------- I lean back on the bed of my motel room. The phone is to my ear, waiting for Walter to pick up. "Hello?" "Hey, it's me." I smile as Walter laughs. "Who else would it be, at 1 AM? How's it going up there?" "There's no sign of him. He may have moved on already. We're coming home." I sigh tiredly. I'm sick of this whole thing. Looking over my shoulder all the time, the lies, all of it. I know Scully is too. We need to regroup. I still haven't recovered from Walter getting fired. "Good. I have a surprise for you. I found Kim and had her get you two weeks off. I already talked to Scully about it. She's going to visit her brother." "And what will we be doing?" Walter is reading my mind again. He knew we were worn out. "You'll see. Just get yourself home first." It's nice to hear Walter so relaxed. That's one good side effect of the disaster I caused when Walter shot Diana. And it will be so nice to relax myself, these next two weeks. Although I wheedle and plea, Walter won't tell me where we are going. But I have fun picking on him, just the same. ----------------------------------------------------- When I walk off the plane, he is there waiting for us. It's a shock to see him out in public dressed casually. I'm so used to the suit and tie, even though he dresses casually when I'm with him at night. I hug him as Scully grabs our bags off the carousel. I don't dare do more in public, although I want to kiss him until we are both breathless. As it is, I lean on Walter more and longer than is considered appropriate in this biased world. But I don't care anymore. I missed him and I need to feel his arms around me. Scully smiles at me as I look at her over Walter's shoulder. She has been so supportive. I know she's glad that Walter and I have made it through these lasdt couple months still together. "When do our vacations start, Walter?" He pulls away from me as Scully's voice carries to us. "Kim was able to get you time off starting tomorrow. She also has some flight options for you. I did some research for you, since all this was such short notice. And no, Mulder, I'm not telling you where we are going." His eyes dance with mirth. "Looks like you're in trouble, Mulder." Scully smiles at me. "Why don't you take the rest of the day off. I can finish up our report." Bless her. She knows I won't get a thing done because I'll be too distracted thinking of Walter and our mysterious vacation. I wave at Scully as she goes to retrieve her car from the vast airport parking lot. Walter guides me to his Buick, waiting right outside the nearest door. -------------------------------------------------------- As soon as we get into Walter's apartment, our lips meet in a soul-searing kiss. Our jackets are discarded as we seek out flesh. My absence has caused me to be more sensitive to his touch. I want to tell him to take me here, against the wall by the door. Even though I'm fully dressed, and we haven't let our hands stray lower than each other's waist. But Walter pulls back. "You should pack. We need to leave prety early tomorrow morning." That wicked spark in his eyes is back. He starts to move away from me. Although I love when he teases me, I just can't handle it right now. I'm too aroused. And I have no patience. I pull him back to me, laughing. In the second he turns back to me, an image flashes before my eyes. Of a devil's face, red, with horns, and the evil grin. With Walter's bald head and glasses. But the image fades quickly. I shake my head to clear it. What brought that on? Walter looks puzzled for a minute. But that also fades quickly as I pull his hard body against mine. "Not so fast. I think we have something else we need to do first." My body traps his against the wall as I pull the sweatshirt over his head. Our erections bump against each other as I mold myself to his muscular length. My moan is swallowed up by his hungry mouth. My knees weaken as he moves from my lips to the sensitive part of my neck with his kisses. Only his strong arms keep me upright. "I've only been gone a few days. Why do I feel like it's been forever?" I comply eagerly as Walter bends to lower us to the floor. "Love will do that. I know I haven't been able to get much sleep these past couple days because I was worried." My shirt buttons are undone by his skillful fingers as I unbutton his jeans. My hand curls around his erection. The heat of it nearly burns my hand. His gasp is music to my ears. I push his jeans and briefs down his legs with one hand as the other gently traces the lines of his cock. Walter shivers under my hand. I look up into his straining face and smile. With agility I didn't think I had at the moment, I flip us over and fasten my mouth onto his cock. His hip jerk upward to meet my questing mouth and I swallow him eagerly. A strong hand snakes into my hair softly, warming me with its gentleness. He caresses my scalp as I lave his erection. But as his breathing becomes erratic, he pulls at my shoulder, pulling me up to face him. The love in his eyes is enough to bring me to tears. As it is, my voice is strained with emotion. "I love you, Walter." His arms wrap around me as I bury my face in his neck. "Hey, are you ok?" His voice is concerned. I can understand why. It usually takes a lot more to bring me to tears. "Yeah. I just missed you. I was worried. I thought maybe Spender diverted us to Wisconsin to get to you." Walter chuckles softly. "Your paranoia is high gear, I see. I was ok. I didn't see anything suspicious while you were gone." He pushes himself up so he's in a half-sitting position. I pull my weight off him and sit back. "Let's take this to the bedroom. The floor isn't good for my back." He pulls my hand and helps me up. Once we are securely ensconed in the bedroom, we pick up where we left off, but this time Walter calls the shots. My clothes are quickly discarded and he guides me to the bed. He sits up against the headboard and pulls me on top of him. "Like this? So I can hold you?" God, I become a wreck when he turns sentimental. I fall into his arms with a sigh. The heat of his mouth draws me into deep kisses and my eyes close as the comfortable arousal takes over my mind. The muscles in my back are massaged and caressed as his lips and tongue work magic along my neck and chest. I growl low in my throat as he bites gentle on one of my nipples. I match his movements moments later and add to them. My hips almost involuntarily rock against him. Our erections brush, sending jolts of pleasure through me. But I need more. I want to feel his love surrounding me. I grab the bottle of lube on the table beside us. Walter takes it from me with a smile and coats his fingers with the stuff. "Ohh, yes. . .How do you know just what I need?" My skin tingles with joy as his fingers enter me, stretching me. His free arm wraps around me, pulling my body to his solid form, enfolding me in his heat. "It's not hard when I need the same thing." The words are muffled, whispered into my shoulder. His hips jerk to meet the rocking motion of mine as his fingers continue to pump into me. His hard heat rubs against me steadily. Whispered endearments are intermixed with sighs. Finally, Walter can't take any more. His fingers pull out of me and are replaced by his cock. I lean back to help guide him in and to watch his face. His eyes lock to mine as they had when I needed him to, to keep me focused, so long ago. Or so it feels. But now, I can show my love for him through my gaze. His smile turns into a grimace as my body takes him in fully, tightly. He shifts and wraps his arms around me. The comfort I find in his arms is matched only by the joy found in the movements of our bodies. Our rhythm is slow and steady. We are enjoying each part of our union like a fine wine, carefully, with full concentration. Until the pleasure drives us faster. My teeth bury themselves in his shoulder as we strain together. Our movements become erratic, but we never lose our grip around each other's back. Not even when my climax tears thru me, pushing me backwards. Or a second later when with a shout, Walter follows me. We collapse against the headboard, still wrapped up in each other. We only move so he can pull his softening member out of me, then I relax into his embrace. "So where are we going tomorrow?" I smile against his shoulder as he rocks with laughter. "You never give up, do you? How does Vermont sound to you? I thought we could go hiking, be lazy around my friend's cabin. Just be together for awhile, alone." "It sounds wonderful. Thank you. This is just what we needed." I kiss him softly as we move down the bed to lay down for a nap. He curls around my back protectively and his breathing slows. Although his presence is a wonderful comfort, for some reason I can't settle down. The shadows in the room dance, seemingly to mock me. My head fills with images of all the enemies I fought in my past. Who is after me now? My instincts are on full alert all of a sudden. Whoa, hold it. I'm safe. I'm with Walter. I take a deep breath. But even my logic isn't enough. The only way I can fall asleep is with my head buried in his chest, hiding from the shadows. ************************************************************************************************ Chapter II: Through the Thick I always love to come up here. The air is clean and crisp. The sounds are of life instead of machinery. It makes me feel clean, an individual, instead of a cog in the ever-moving machinations of the human world. It does my soul good to breathe this air. And the atmosphere is doing Mulder some good too. He's more energetic, more playful. But for some reason, in the past two days, he's become extremely paranoid. He's fine when I'm in the room, or outside with him. But as soon as I move away from him, he seems to cower, as if fearing attack at any second. I've asked him about it, but he tells me he's fine. I'm not so sure. I've become very suspicious of the words "I'm fine." But what can I do? He won't tell me what's wrong, so I just watch him. Tonight, we are just relaxing inside. But it's cold in here. Maybe I should go outside and get some wood for a fire. "Mulder, would you go in the bedroom and get my sweater?" He is standing at the stairway, looking a bit puzzled. After a second, he shakes his head as if to clear it. "Ok. Where is it?" "On the bed." I smile at him as he nods and runs upstairs. I clean up a little while he's doing that. Mulder tends to throw his stuff around without thinking about it. I'm not concerned about it at my apartment, but I'd hate to have him lose something up here. Just as I'm grabbing his sweatpants from behind the couch, where they fell the last time we made love, I hear a scream from upstairs. "Mulder?!" I run up the stairs to find Mulder huddled on the floor of the master bedroom, staring into a dark corner. I crouch down and lay a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?" I can feel him shaking and his skin is clammy. But as I scan the room, I see nothing amiss. What's going on here? "The, the bugs. In the corner." Mulder points into a corner near the window. I walk over to it and look. Nothing. "There's nothing here. Mulder." I look back at my lover, puzzled. All of a sudden, Mulder's expression changes. He's looking right at me, but his face twists into a expression of extreme fear. Now I'm scared. "Hey, hey. What's wrong?" I walk over to him to comfort him but he pushes himself away from me. "Get away from me! You black-lunged bastard!" What the hell? "Mulder. Mulder, it's Walter. Shhh. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." I gentle my voice. God, I think he's hallucinating. Luckily, I think reality comes back to him. He bursts into tears a seecond later and moves to fall into my arms. "I don't know what's happening to me, Walter." He buries his face in my neck and shivers. "I think I'm losing my mind." "Can you tell me what's going on? Please?" I clutch his trembling body tightly. "I, I've been scared. Of everything. Except you." "You looked pretty scared of me a minute ago." "I was? I don't remember." Mulder pulls back and looks at my face, puzzled. "Yeah. You were looking straight at me and you looked terrified." I sit down on the bed and pull him down with me. "How do you feel now?" "Tired. But not scared, because you're here." He lays down on the bed and grabs my hand. He falls asleep before I can say another word about the situation. So I just curl my body around him and try to protect him from his inner demons. -------------------------------------------------------- Unlike the beginning of our relationship, this time I'm not enough to keep the demons at bay. I wake up to shouts and screams. Once my eyes adjust to the darkness, I can see Mulder sitting up in bed, swinging his arms at something. "Fox? Fox, what's wrong?" When I look at him I expect his eyes to be closed, but they are wide open and seem to be at least somewhat focused. He's awake, hallucinating again. He turns toward my voice, but he can't be seeing me. I've never seen him this agitated before. But before I can reach out to him, his fists head toward my face. I grab them within an inch of my skin. "Mulder! What's going on?" I stroke his hair with one hand as I use my other arm to hold him still. But I can't get him to come back to me. He just keeps struggling, terrified. After a few minutes of this, I know I need help. But what do I do with Mulder? I sigh. I don't want to do this, but I must, to keep him from hurting himself. . . I grab my belt from where my jeans lay on the floor and wrap it around his hands and the bedpost. And I pick up Mulder's cellphone and hit the first speeddial number. "Scully." "Scully, it's Walter Skinner. I know it must be late there, but this is an emergency." "Walter? What--" "I'm not sure. I think Mulder is hallucinating." "What has he eaten? Anything you haven't?" Thankfully, Scully goes into full investigator mode. I'm so worried, I'm not sure what questions need to be asked right now. "Not that I know of. And he hasn't taken any medication. . ." He's been with me practically the whole time during our flight up and the last two days at the cabin. As Scully mentally checks her list with me, I watch Mulder. He has finally stopped struggling with the belt and his eyelids are drooping. I want to release him from his constraint, but I'm afraid to. What if he runs off while I'm sleeping because he thinks something is chasing him? Finally, Scully becomes frustrated. "Walter, I want to come up there. I want to do some blood tests. Do you mind?" "It probably would be for the best. I can keep him safe here until we can figure this out. I don't want to take him to the hospital. I think I've become as paranoid as he is. . ." "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. You'll be ok with him until I get there?" I can imagine Scully already scurrying around her brother's house, collecting her things. "Yes, but what about your brother? I didn't want to spoil--" "Walter, Mulder's my partner and my best friend. He needs me. I wouldn't do this any other way. Just keep him safe until I get there." With that, she promises to call as soon as she finds a flight to Vermont, and I promise to arrange for another rental car and directions. I won't leave the cabin with Mulder in this state. -------------------------------------------------------- Scully gets here in the late afternoon. She must have wheedled to get the first flight out. I meet her at the front door and take her upstairs. Mulder is still tied to the bed, as he was when I called her. He has had some periods of lucidity, but has spent most of the day in a world of his own. During his lucid times, I tried to explain what was going on and get him to eat and take care of other needs. But these times only last about a half hour at a time and only happened three times. And he's at his worst when we go upstairs. He's screaming at the top of his lungs and pulling against the belt hard enough to leave cuts on his skin. He doesn't even react when we come into the room. "Oh my God. This just happened today?" Scully sits on the chair by the bed. I put my hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her, but I need just as much comfort as she does right now. "Ok, I need to get a blood sample to take to a lab near here. Help me." I knew Scully could be all business in times like these. Her resolve helps me focus on what needs to be done. We struggle with Mulder for a few minutes, but luckily, he starts to become aware of his surroundings. "Walter?" He looks up at me, confused, as he was the three times before. Since he doesn't seem to remember the times he was lucid before, I grasp on the first thing I can think of to get him to cooperate. "You've been sick, Mulder. Scully needs to take some blood." "Ok. Can I get up after that?" He tugs on the belt lightly. I can see the blood on his wrists. The sight brings tears to my eyes. I reach up and release the belt. My hands try to soothe his chafed skin. Scully gets what she needs quickly and smiles at Mulder gently. "I'm going to get this analyzed right away. I want you back on your feet quickly, partner." I help Mulder to the bathroom and get him a sandwich as Scully walks out the door. ----------------------------------------------------- Three hours later, Scully comes back. By this time, I've had Mulder restrained on the bed again for over 2 hours. Her face is grim as I let her into the cabin. "Preliminary work indicates that Mulder has been infected by a virus of unknown origin. It seems to be shifting chemical concentrations in his brain." "I need to get him to a hospital to run some scans. I think this virus is trying to alter Mulder's brain. . .permanently. If we don't stop this thing soon. . ." I'm afraid to even think of what could happen. I don't want to lose him! ************************************************************************************************ Chapter III: In Sickness The shock of the whole thing is starting to give way to fear. I'm losing Mulder. And I don't know what to do. And by the look on Scully's face, neither does she. "Let's get him in the car, Walter. Maybe we can find some answers once we do a CAT scan." But her face looks grim. Call me paranoid, but I don't think this is any ordinary virus. Luckily, Mulder must be exhausted, so getting him into the car is easy. He's half-asleep the whole time. But as soon as we set him on the table for the scan, he starts screaming. Luckily, our badges secured us in the room alone. I'd hate to have to explain all this. "Put him in the restraints Walter. I'll get the anesthesia." Scully moves around getting the apparatus set up. Once we get everything working, Scully points out the changes in Mulder's brain. "It's changing chemical concentrations and the receptor sites for those chemicals. The higher levels of dopamine are probably what's causing the halucinations. I've also spotted strains of excess DNA in his blood stream. Like the DNA in my blood." "Alien DNA?" Damn all of them! Why can't they leave him alone? "Yeah, but it doesn't seem to be doing much. It might just be guiding the reactions and the virus." "So how do we stop all this?" Panic is starting to set in. If we don't get this virus out of him soon. . . "I can give him some psychotropic meds for now, but I'll have to stay here and do research on the virus. But maybe the drugs will slow things down." The drug Scully gives Mulder basically turns him into a zombie. Her eyes apologize for this, but I know that is the best she can do for now. I take him back to the cabin with a prayer on my lips. ------------------------------------------------------- When I get back to the cabin, I start swearing. I'm really wishing I still had my gun. Or a hammer would do. Outside the cabin stands a very familiar suited figure. The smoke rising from his cigarette inflames me. I want to jump out of this car and choke the life out of him. But I need to know what he's doing here. He must've planted the virus inside of Fox. But why? I get out of the car slowly, trying to make sure Fox is safe in the backseat and out of his line of fire. "What do you want?" His smile freezes me. "I want Mulder." "What?!" I may just forget my resolve and kill him right now. I step closer. . . "Come now, Mr. Skinner. You know if Mulder isn't cured soon, he could be like that forever." He waves his hand toward the car. "So give me the cure, you bastard!" I assume he's here to make a deal. What do I have to do or give up this time? Damn the man, he wants it all this time. "Not this time. I want Mulder. In return, I will return your career to you." I'm ready to scream at him but he waves me off. "I'll give you time to think about it. I'll be back in three days. The changes should be permanent by then." "Why are you doing this?!" He backs away as I make a grab at him. I'm just about at the end of my rope. "He's seen too much. He has ruined too much. He needs to be controlled." The last words are said in a stilted voice, as if his anger at Mulder matches my anger at him. Even at this very frustrating point, curiousity is killing me. "Why do this? Why not just try to kill him?" "I need him alive, Mr. Skinner. To keep the cooperation of certain people. You, of course being one of those people. But then again, you may be less inclined to care about him if that brilliant mind is gone." Before I can gather myself enough to say anything against this, he gets into his car and drives away. I lean again my car with a sigh. I want to rant, scream, run, something. Something to make this pain in my gut go away. But I can't. I have to be strong for Mulder. Because that black lunged bastard stole his strength from him. I can't stop the few tears that escape from me. I let them fall untouched. I don't want to acknowledge that I'm grieving for someone I fear is lost forever. ------------------------------------------------------- Scully looks as exhausted as I feel when she gets back from the hospital. But she has some hope in her eyes. "The virus responds to cold, like the alien blood does. It slows down. But it doesn't stop it. But maybe. . ." She looks down into her soup with a pensive face. "What?" My spoon stops in front of my face. Mulder is more important than food right now. "It would be radical, but we could try concentrated cold, like radiation therapy for cancer. The virus is centered in the frontal lobe of Mulder's brain right now. If I could devise something. . ." "But that will only slow it or stop it temporarily. How do we get rid of them?" My head drops onto my open hand. "If we only hand a vacuum cleaner to sweep the virus out of him." The image makes us both chuckle, but that is impossible. "Krycek." I look behind me. Mulder is standing there. His eyes appear focused for the first time all day. But what he just said makes me wonder. . . "What did you say, Fox?" I try to sound calm, but I am worried. If he's hallucinating even when on the psychotropic, things could be worse than we thought. "Contact Krycek. You wanted a vacuum cleaner. Why not tiny vacuums?" His hand rests on my shoulder, as if he feels my fear. Krycek could kill us all. . . And SR 819? It's too dangerous. I can't let him risk it. I don't even know if the things can be programmed for this. "That just might work, Mulder. But where to we get the rocket scientist to create more of the little things?" "Use the ones in Walter. If we can get them out of him, they probably can be reprogrammed." The wild ideas are back. Only in Mulder's head would these ideas be considered sanity. I smile at him through my fears. "Do you think Krycek could do that himself?" I know I can get Krycek. He left me an email address to get ahold of him when the time comes for him to get me to do something. That time never came. I wonder if the blow-up of the consortium had anything to do with that. "We'd have to look at the controller. Did you get a good look at it before?" His hand wraps around mine, comfortingly. He knows I hate to talk about SR 819. I hate being that vulnerable. "No. It was dark in the car." I caress the hand wrapped around mine. My eyes look up and take in his face. He amazes me. He should be dead to the world, locked in a world all his own, by Scully's account. And yet he's standing here trying to help us. So that we can help him. "Well, then, we'll have to see what Krycek can come up with." Scully says this with little conviction. How are we going to convince Krycek to go along with this in the first place? And we are going to trust him with Mulder's sanity? I want to hope this will work, but this is Krycek we are talking about. But this is our only hope. "Scully, give me your laptop." I hook the computer up to the phoneline and tap into the FBI internet connection. I send an email to the appropriate address and a prayer to a God I barely believe in. ------------------------------------------------------- The following morning, a black shadow is sitting on the couch when I come down to the living room. Glittering green eyes meet mine as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "I'll do it." Krycek gets up from the couch and faces me. "I'll have to remove the little buggers from you and reprogram them. I take it Scully is here?" "You'll do it, just like that?" My mind can barely grasp what's going on here. This is more than I hoped for. "It will cost you later. When I need you." He looks into the kitchen. "Get Scully up. We need to get started. You said Mulder doesn't have a lot of time." "Right." I head back upstairs. Already, I can hear Mulder screaming. I guess he lost his fight with the virus today. At that thought, my body feels heavy. This situation is weighing us all down. ------------------------------------------------------- Once we got Mulder as comfortable as possible, Scully and I head down to the kitchen, where Krycek is sipping coffee. "Agent Scully, how nice to see you again." His smile somehow seems manevolent, even though he doesn't do anything more. "Let's just get this done, Krycek. I don't want you here any longer than you need to be." Scully's stance is rejecting, but she holds out her hand. He gives her a small box similar to the one he has to control SR 819. "Put this on his arm. The devices are attracted to its frequency. They should collect inside it. Then we can begin to reprogram them." I hold out my arm to Scully. The device makes my skin tingle as it touches me. I can't see anything, but I swear I can feel the little things racing through my blood. After about ten minutes, the device beeps. "It says all the devices have been collected. Now what, Krycek?" She glares at him, as if daring him to do anything other than help us. "Get the data on the virus. I'll program them to your specifications." He takes the gray box from Scully as she goes into the living room to get her print-outs. "Will this work?" Krycek glances at me after fiddling with the box. "It has to. This is the only shot he has." Scully and Kyrcek start pouring over the data. I sit on a chair a few feet away then go upstairs to be with my lover before they implant his bringers of life, or death. ************************************************************************************************ Chapter IV: For Poorer Gazing at my lover, I pray. To a God I barely know, for the man I know so well. Hoping that another miracle can be pulled off in the nick of time. My only consolation is that Mulder has done that exact thing many times before. Mulder's sleeping body houses the mind that I'm so desperate to save. I'll stick by his side and love him no matter what happens, but oh, to lose him to his own fears and imagination. . . Scully walks into the bedroom quietly, with Krycek right behind her. "They are ready Walter. We need to put them in him now." She holds up the box containing the microscopic machines that, hours ago, were inside me. "Should we wake him up?" That's not the question I really want to ask. But they can't answer the question I really want to ask: Will this work? Will these objects that nearly killed me kill the alien virus and return Mulder's mind to him? Scully shakes her head to my voiced question. "We don't know if this will be painful for him. It's better to let him sleep." She sits carefully on the bed next to Mulder and touches the box to his arm. I can see something light up on it as she sends SR 819 into him. Mulder only shudders once as the devices enter his bloodstream. "Now, we wait." Scully sighs tiredly. It's only noon, but I'm sure the pressure of trying to save Mulder has weighed her down, as it has me. I watch Krycek hover worriedly by the door for a minute. "Don't tell me you actually give a shit?" "Yeah, and I'd tell you why, but it would just make you mad. So let it go." I examine his face as he says this. He's probably right. If--When this is all over, I'll ask Mulder about it. I focus my attention back on my lover. Oh God. He's starting to convulse. Scully sees it right after I do. As if we've been doing this for years, we move simultaneously to turn him so he doesn't hurt himself. Scully glares at Krycek. He looks appalled. "I don't know. I'm not an MD!" He raises his hands helplessly as I try to keep Mulder from falling off the bed. After a minute, it's over. Mulder collapses onto the bed and I let him go. He opens his eyes and gazes around, puzzled. "Where am I?" His voice whispers raspily. "You're in Vermont. At my friend's cabin. We came here for a vacation but you got sick." "What? Who are you??!!" Mulder grabs at me and pushes. I fall against the chair behind me, shocked. What the hell is going on here? "WHERE IS SAMANTHA??! GIVE HER BACK TO US!" I watch, stunned, as Mulder reaches for Scully and tries to choke her. "I want my sister, you bitch." Krycek and I grab at him to keep him from hurting Scully, then we try to find answers in each other's eyes. But the answers are locked in Mulder's brain. And I don't think any of us know how to get them out. ------------------------------------------------------- It takes all three of us almost an hour to calm Mulder down. During this time, I realize that Mulder is actually relatively lucid. It seems though, that he has large gaps in his memory. Finally, we get him to the point that Scully can take some blood from him for testing. He's suspicious of us, but he's compliant. Once Scully gets what she needs, I resume questioning him to figure out what he remembers and what he doesn't. "You don't remember any of us, Mulder?" I've moved my chair a foot away from the bed to give him some space. I don't want him thinking that I'm going to restrain him, although that's exactly what I want to do. Hold him in my arms until his body remembers what his mind is refusing to now. "No, sir. I know I've seen him before." He points at Krycek. "But I don't remember from where. I don't recognize you or Agent Scully at all. I'm sorry." "It's ok. You've been pretty sick. Your memory will probably come back as you recover. Just rest for now." I lean back in my chair and watch him try to absorb his surroundings. I glance up at Krycek, who is standing next to me. He is focused on Mulder. "Do you know what you do for a living, Mulder?" "I'm a computer programmer?" "What makes you say that?" How the hell could the outrageous Fox Mulder come up with something so ordinary? "I seem to remember sitting at a computer for hours on end." His time with Kersch. Not a pleasant thing to remember, but certainly not the worst thing in that head of his. "No actually, you're an FBI agent. In charge of your own division. I used to be your boss, but I was laid off." Mulder ponders this. I let him alone with his thoughts while I pick up a book from the nightstand and start to read. About ten minutes later, I hear Mulder clear his throat, so I raise my head to look at him. "After thinking about it, I seem to remember why you were laid off. You were actually fired for sexually harrassing me, weren't you?" I'm glad I'm sitting down. Because I feel like I'm going to faint. ------------------------------------------------------- I try to explain the actual situation of my leaving the Bureau, but Mulder won't hear any of it. In fact, he gets very agitated in my presence. So against my better judgement, I leave him alone with Krycek and go down to the kitchen to start dinner. As I'm putting the finishing touches on the pasta, Scully walks in looking exhausted. "The virus is gone." She smiles tiredly up at me as I pull out a chair for her. "Thanks." She sits down as I move to dish her some food. "We have another problem now." I hate to tell her at this time, she's so tired. But she needs to be warned. "What?" "He's already beginning to remember pieces of the past, but they are getting twisted somehow. He thinks I was fired from the Bureau for sexually harrassing him." "Hmm. Memory's a tricky thing. It doesn't take much to alter what a person thinks happened. We'll just have to show him evidence to support the truth I guess." She must see the worry in my face, because she pauses. "What?" "I think we should get him out of here. Before Cancerman shows up." I straddle the chair across from her and lean my head on my hands. Scully isn't the only one worn to the bone. "I'm not sure he would let you take him, Skinner. I'm not sure he's let any of us take him." Krycek's voice comes from the stairs. He walks toward us, looking as harried as we are. Krycek moves to the stove and looks at me quizzically and at my nod, gets some food. "Why, what's wrong?" Scully's face drags as she looks up at him. "I know you're going to try to blame this on me, but I swear it's not my fault. He thinks both of you are out to get him. I'm not much higher on his trust list. He does seem to remember my job with Scully and Duane Barry fairly well. The virus must have somehow twisted his memory rather drastically in some other areas, though. He thinks he should be working for the old man." "The cigarette smoking man?" Oh my God. "Yeah. He remembers that the old man worked with his father. He thinks they were working together to stop the two of you, and possibly me, from helping the aliens take over the world." I have never seen Krycek look so helpless in my life. For once, I believe every word he just said. That doesn't make me feel any better. ------------------------------------------------------ The three of us spend the next day and a half trying to explain the truth to him. The truth he spent all of his life trying to discover, which now has been cruelly twisted in his mind. The only thing fruitful from our efforts is that I gain some insight into exactly what Krycek was trying to do. He was trying to destroy the consortium from the inside. Small comfort now. I sit here in my frustration, trying to prepare for the worst. Scully puts her hand on my shoulder as I gaze out the front window. "I don't know what to do, Scully. He won't listen." "That's Mulder. Always wrapped up in his own ideas. But this time, I can't get him to budge at all on his convictions. He usually isn't this bad." I look up at her face to see tears falling. She feels as helpless as I do. The three of us decided to take a chance when we realized we weren't making any headway with Mulder. We'd let him meet the old man. Scully theorizes that that might bring forth the memories he seems to be blocking. The ones in which he realized the man was responsible for the abduction of his sister, Scully's abduction, and the death of his father. Having him see the man in person seems like a weak solution to me, but I can't think of anything better. And right now, I'm running out of hope that I will ever see Mulder eyes shine in love for me again. My own tears begin to fall. Just when I think I can't feel any lower, a car pulls up to the cabin. In it, I can see him. The enemy, the one who wants to take all that I have from me. Sorrow turns into angry frustration as I watch the old man get out of the car and approach the house. I don't get up as Scully opens the door to him. In fact, I don't even look up as he approaches me. I'd rather not acknowledge his presence until he forces me to. "Mr. Skinner. How is Agent Mulder?" Usually, I have a pretty long fuse. I have to, once working, and now living with the most incorrigible person it has ever been my pleasure to meet. But the words out of this man's mouth inflame me. My body lurches up and I'm yelling in his face before I even realize it. "He's alive, but not well. What you did to him is criminal. Right now I want to choke the life right out of you. But I can't!" If I do, it will be harder to convince Mulder of the truth. I have to do all I can to help him get well. That means denying myself the one action that would please me the most at this moment. To give him the chance, as slim as it might be, to recognize this man for what he really is. I don't realize Mulder has walked in until he makes a grab at us. "Keep you hands off him! Skinner!" He pushes on me. Not wanting to hurt him, I let him and fall backwards to the floor. "Are you ok? I'm sorry, I don't remember your name." I watch, apalled, as Mulder steps over me and places his hand on the old man's shoulder. After a moment of shock, it seems that the old man realizes at least some of what is happening. "I'm fine, Fox. Thank you." "Could you explain to me what's going on here? I don't really trust these people. I know that they have tried to betray me at one time or another." I see a smile sneak onto the bastard's face. As I scan the room, I notice that Krycek's face echoes my feeling of horror. "Sure, Fox. Would you like to come with me so I can explain it to you?" He puts his arms around Mulder's shoulders. I can't stop the yelled "No!" that emerges from me. I nearly sob right there and then as Mulder turns away from me. Krycek holds me back as they walk out the door. "It won't do any good." "I know." I lean wearily on his arms for a second until I feel that I can stand on my own. He nods as I regain my balance and lets me go. I go to Scully and wrap her in my arms. Her sobs echo through the living room for what feels like hours. When she quiets, I lay her down on the couch and go into her bedroom. I grab her gun from the dresser and sit on the bed with it. What do I have to live for? He's gone. I sit there for an hour just reliving all the pain. All the frustration and pain drags me down as I raise the gun to my head. And the trigger isn't that hard to pull. . . "Don't you fucking dare!" Before I can finish, the gun is knocked away from me by a very angry Krycek. "We need you! Do you think even *I* am going to let that bastard keep him? Help us!" He holds my shoulder with his one good hand. "Cry, scream, I don't care. I want to do all of it! But don't leave us. If you do, we, and Mulder, are doomed." For the first time in the last week, my tears actually bring some relief. Because I know I don't cry alone. ************************************************************************************************ Chapter V: My Name is Jean Valjean by Amatia Scully and I both agree that we have to do something. Neither of us have ever seen Walter Skinner so close to the edge, and it's scaring us. Scully said yesterday that Mulder had told her he'd seen Skinner under pressure once, and it wasn't pretty. This is downright ugly. Since I had stopped him from pulling the trigger, he'd withdrawn inside himself, and stopped talking. One morning I went downstairs to the kitchen, and I found him pummeling a pillow so hard it was ripping at the seams. I'd gone and taken hold of his arm, telling him to come have some breakfast with me. He's out on the porch right now, sitting on the step. Scully's in the kitchen, making sandwiches for lunch. I'm on the couch, thinking, trying to formulate a plan for re-infiltrating the Syndicate, and getting Mulder back. I guess in a way what I want to do is partly for my own redemption- in my own eyes, and no one else's. Skinner and Scully have both told me that I've been invaluable here, helping them. Scully especially, she leans on me a lot. Skinner...well, he tries not to lean, but whe he does, Scully and I hold him up. But I also want to do it because of the way Mulder and Skinner used to look at each other. Because of the trust Mulder and Scully once had. Because I never had any of those things, and I want to know that I helped bring people who were meant for each other back together. I get up from the couch, and walk out onto the porch. Skinner doesn't look up as I approach him, just stares off into the sky. I lay my hand on his shoulder, and sit down beside him. "Walter?" "Hmm?" He finally turns his head to look at me. "You've never called me Walter before." "I figure it was time I started to, especially since all of us have been living together since..." My voice trails off, and I realize that for all my planning, I'm still afraid to broach the subject with him. But it has to be done. I take a deep breath, and plunge ahead. "You know that I have my own reasons for helping Mulder, and that I don't care to discuss it. But the situation at hand extends beyond my reasons. This time, I want to help him because you love him." I see a spark light in his eyes, the first one in weeks. "Go on." "I can go back, and re-infiltrate the Syndicate, and get him out." I say this all on one breath. "But you can't get him to come to us if he thinks Scully and I are his enemies." The spark dims a little. I shake my head, praying that what I'm about to tell him will really be true. "His amnesia, his wrong memories - whatever you want to call them, they won't last forever because it's not the truth." He seems to accept it. "But the Smoking Man knows you're here, he knows you're with us." "I can disguise myself. I've done it before, and I can do it again. That's not the trouble." I look out at the sky. "Then what is the trouble?" "It might take a long time, Walter. It could take up to a year for his real memories to surface." "I can wait, Krycek. As long as I know it's not hopeless, I can wait." I hope with all my heart that he won't see that I can't promise him it's not all a lie. "I'll leave tomorrow." I look over at him again. The spark in his eyes shines brighter, and he squeezes my arm. "Thank you." "Don't thank me until I bring him back. But I'll call you every so often to let you know what's going on, if he's improving. And you have to promise me that you won't put a gun to your head again." "Not if I know that someone's trying to help Fox." He seems to have regained some vitality now, a will to keep going. I can only pray that my plan will work, and that I will be able to get Mulder to remember the correct memories without slipping up, and letting him know it's really me behind the mask. I'm afraid that if I fail, the rest of this already broken glass angel will shatter. My angel, Skinner's angel. I think that Scully could survive it, but not Walter. He and Mulder are too intertwined now to survive a complete and utter separation. Once upon a time, I had wanted to be where Walter Skinner was before Mulder contracted the virus. Now, all I want is to see them together again. I squeeze Skinner's arm in reply. "I promise you that I will try my hardest to help him." He stands up, straighter than he has in weeks, and I stand as well. "Bring him home, Alex." I'll bring Mulder home, or else I will die trying. (violinst@pitnet.net) Site X - http://personal.pitnet.net/london ************************************************************************************************ Chapter VI: For That Which Was Forgotten The beach feels warm under my feet as I run along the shore. My bare feet dig into the sand, making me feel more in tune with my surroundings. It helps alleviate some of the confusion inside my mind. Up ahead of me is something else that helps. I figured he'd be here, waiting for me. "Hey Charlie!" The redheaded man turns his head. Even though it's a warm day here in Florida, Charlie is covered from neck to toe. Only his face and long auburn hair remains uncovered. White gloves, matching his shirt and pants, even cover his hands. "Hi, Mulder." I stop in front of him and plop down on the sand. I stretch my limbs as he watches. When I settle down, he settles himself carefully into the sand. "So what's on your mind today?" That's the thing I found easiest to like about Charlie. He doesn't waste any time, just gets straight to the point. But sometimes, it's a trait that troubles me a lot. Especially when my thoughts are disturbing. Like today. "I'm remembering more things. But I'm not sure what's real and what's not. I could've sworn that Skinner was jailed for harrassing me. . .but I seem to remember living with him. I don't get it." "Well I doubt you'd live with him if he tried to sexually harrass you, so one of the memories is probably wrong." They are conflicting memories. . .But how to figure out which is correct? "How do the memories make you feel?" Charlie's bright green eyes feel like they are delving into my soul. "Well, the one about sexual harrassment is very vague now. Almost like it's faded. The new memory however, has a lot connected to it. I mean, I remember sleeping with him, laughing together at TV, making love. . ." "Sounds to me like that's the real memory. It has a lot more attached to it." He stares out into the water. His profile in the early morning sun is almost. . .familiar, in a way that reminds me of the time before I moved down here with Christopher Spender. I have been here almost six months. And I met Charlie a month after I moved here. . . ------------------------------------------------------- Most of my real memories of Scully came back the day Charlie showed up. I was in an abandoned building near the beach when he found me, holding my head in agony. I had run there to escape Spender. I no longer was sure who he was exactly. Charlie came into the bare room and sat down near me while I cried. He was covered from neck to toe in blue and he wore a black baseball cap, with his hair in a ponytail. I remember that well because I stared at him for hours as I tried to assimilate what my mind had flooding through it. "Scullee. . ." Tears dripped down my face as I watched this stranger just sit there and watch me. "No, the name is Charlie. Who's this Scully?" He smiled at me gently. "A friend. Who I lost. . ." "Did he die?" "She. No, I ran away from her. I couldn't remember what a friend she was to me!" This thought makes me sob harder. "If you couldn't remember, I'm sure she'd understand. Did you have amnesia?" "I guess. I'm not completely sure what happened. I came here thinking things happened one way, then all of a sudden memories come flooding back. And these memories feel more *right* than the other ones." I sighed into my open hands. "Sounds like someone altered your memories?" "Maybe. The whole thing sounds weird. Like an X-file. . ." "What's an X-file?" "A paranormal FBI case. I was the head of the X-files division, I think. Scully was my partner." I leaned my head against the wall behind me. "She was, is one of the best people I knew. How could I have just left?" "You didn't realize. You must've thought she was the enemy, for you to be this upset about it." "Yeah, I did. Christopher even told me she hated me. I shouldn't have believed him. . ." "No sense beating yourself up about it now. Can you contact her and explain?" "Yeah, I guess I could." I looked up at Charlie with respect. He reminded me so much of someone I once knew. . . And at least three times a week after that, I'd find him somewhere near me. On the beach, at the store, near Christopher's house. And when I moved into my new apartment, when I no longer trusted Christopher, but was afraid to back to DC, Charlie was around even more. When I needed him, for a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, or just watch over me, he was around where I could find him. And he sat by me when I finally got the nerve up to call Scully last month. We cried together, all three of us. It was a happy reunion. I told her I may be back up there soon. As soon as I figure out what I've been missing. ------------------------------------------------------- Charlie walks me back to my apartment, where he can be out of the sunlight, the light that burns him so badly. Strangely enough, his face tans quite nicely. But I never questioned him about the clothes or his face. It would be rude, considering what he's done for me. I get him a lemonade and sit across from him. "Why won't you tell me where this money is coming from?" "Your benefactor wants to remain anonymous. They just realized you were running out of funds and needed help quickly." He fiddles with his glass. "Umm, Mulder?" "Yeah?" "Have you made any decisions about seeing Scully yet?" He's always pestering me about that, with the best of intentions. He doesn't want me to lose my best friend. "I talk to her every night, but no, nothing about going back yet, why?" "Maybe you should talk to this Skinner too. Try to figure out exactly what was the nature of your relationship." "But what if he wants to get back together?" I hold my head on my hands. "See how you you feel when you see him, I guess. If he is as good as your memories suggest, he might understand if the feelings are missing." "But what if they were there before, but they don't come back?" "We all take a chance on love, Mulder. I'm sure he'd rather you not fake any feelings for him. You'll find away to deal with it. I have the utmost confidence in you." Charlie smiles at me gently. "I'm not ready yet, but soon." "What are you waiting for?" "Something. I'm not sure what." Just then, something catches my eye. Charlie's hair is out of place. I can see hair beneath the red strands, dark hair. The red hair is a wig. Although I have much respect for Charlie, paranoia or something hits me hard. He's been playing me for a fool! Who is this man? Before he can react, I reach up and rip the wig off. When I do, I can see a crease in his skin, like he's wearing. . .a mask! "Mulder? What are you doing?" He leans back in his chair with a startled look. "Who are you? What do you want with me?" I growl at him as I stand up. I wish I had my gun right now. He sighs. "I knew you'd figure it out sooner or later." He pulls off one of his gloves. The hand underneath is. . .fake. Why didn't I notice this before? "Krycek?" He pulls of the thin mask and reveals his face. "Yeah Mulder. It's me." "What are you doing?" "Trying to help you sort through your memories. And trying to make sure you stay safe while you do so." He pulls off his other glove and rolls up his sleeves now that his disguise isn't necessary. "Since when do you want to help me?" "Since I realized how badly they manipulated me when they had me kidnap Scully." Krycek looks tired. "When he did this to you, I had to. . ." "What?" Something's troubling him, and for once I really want to know what it is. His reply is whispered. "I had to knock Scully's gun out of Skinner's hand. To keep him from shooting himself." At that, something in me snaps, and this time snaps hard. Skinner--Walter almost killing himself because I am lost, gone? I moan heavily as I sit back down. My head thumps loudly onto the table. "Mulder?" I feel Krycek's good hand on the top of my head, but I can't look at him. I can't lift my head. The weight of my feelings is too strong. "He's ok now Mulder. Scully and I talked to him. We wouldn't let him get hurt." I barely hear him over the roar in my ears and the flashes in my head. Walter, teaching me about sex, the right things about sex. Walter, holding me at night. Suffering because I tried to destroy him for the death of my ex-wife. Falling into my arms, exhausted, because of it. And the recovery time afterward. . . The love I doubted was there comes rushing back full-force. I can't even try to stop the tears. But as I sob my heart out, weight lifts slowly. I can raise my head after a time, and look at Krycek watching me. "Better now?" I've never seen Krycek look so compassionate in my life. I rub my hands down my face. "A little." He moves around the table and crouches next to me. "Dare I ask?" "I remember. I remember all of it. How could I have done that to him??!" Krycek grabs my shoulder as I lean to far one way and almost tumble out of the chair. "You couldn't remember. Nobody blamed you. We all just wanted to kill the old man." He helps me straighten up and gets a paper towel from the roll on the counter. "Here." I wipe my eyes as he sits back down at the table. "Now what?" My voice is shaky from crying. Krycek pulls out a cell phone, punches in something, and hands it to me. It rings, then someone picks up. A very familiar someone. "Krycek, what's going on?" My heart leaps into my throat at the sound of the strong masculine voice on the other end of the line. I almost can't find my voice, but I finally gasp out one word. "Walter?" The shock on the other end is almost tangible. His voice is shaking as he says "Fo-ox?" "Yes. I'm coming home." I sob this out as I hear him start crying too. "I love you. I'll be waiting for you." I can barely make out his words through his sobs. "I love you too, Walter." And I mean it with all my heart. ************************************************************************************************ Chapter VII: Forever is All that Matters Standing in the airport lobby next to Krycek is disconcerting now that I remember everything about him. But his loyalty to me seems more genuine than it has in the past. And he saved Walter from doing something that would have killed me as well. So I wait patiently and actually smile at him once. I glance about, looking for them, my best friend and my lover. Scully had to leave the Bureau early to come here, but she said she wouldn't miss this for the world. We have to start catching up right away if I am to rejoin her on the X-files any time soon. Although she said if I come near the office within the next week, she will shoot me again. And Walter. . .He told me he bought a house in Georgetown, not too far from Scully's apartment. He did this in hope that we could start over together. All I have to do is say I want the same thing and move my stuff there. I'm glad he regained his determination to live and hope so soon after I left. And of course I'm taking him up on the offer, as soon as possible. Scully approaches us first, looking as professional as ever. But when she spots me, the professional demeanor drops like a rock and she rushes toward me. I grab onto her for dear life when she reaches me, and bury my face into her shoulder. "Oh, Mulder." I can hear the tears in her voice as she clutches me. "Welcome home." "It's good to be home. Thanks for not giving up on me, partner." I smile at her shakily as I pull back slightly to see her face. "Give up on Spooky Mulder? Never." We laugh together. Then I look over Scully's shoulder and see him. Scully gives me one last squeeze then backs up. "I'll see you when you two come up for air. Call me, Mulder." Walter waits until we say our temporary goodbyes, then approaches me slowly. He doesn't say a word, just lays his hand on my face. Then he takes my hand and pulls me out of the airport. I look around as we go, and realize Krycek must have left awhile ago. When we get to Walter's car, we get in and he pulls me into his arms. "I couldn't do this in there. I--I, oh God. . ." I put my arms around him and let him sob into my shoulder. I caress the back of his head and close my eyes, absorbing the feelings I almost lost. "I'm home, Walter. I--I'm sorry for--" "Don't you ever! Don't blame yourself for what happened. . .Not even the stuff you said. You didn't remember. Not correctly, anyway." He puts on a stern but loving face. Then he breaks away from me and starts the car. "Let's go home. I think you'll like the house." I smile at him. He's resisting the urge to jump me right here in the parking lot. I can see it in the set lines in his face. It feels good to be wanted. . . ------------------------------------------------------- The house is almost cute. A red brick, two story with a large swinging seat on the porch. It looks. . .domestic. I like it from the second I see it. "Are we playing house Walter?" I grin at him. He shakes his head with a smile. "I wanted something nice for us. I'm sorry if it's not outrageous enough for you." "It's great. But I bet the inside's even better." I laugh and get out of the car as he runs up to unlock the door. I follow him inside into a sunlit living room. "Nice." I look around to the off-white walls and colorful furniture. That's all I register before Walter pulls me onto the large tan couch. "Fox? Can--" I see hesitation in his eyes, which I wipe away with a shy kiss. "Remind me of us, Walter. I want to know if my memories are right. . ." I lay back on the large sofa and pull Walter's strong body on top of mine. Our lips meet softly at first, then more passionately. When we are finally out of breath, I pull back slightly and look at his face. "Walter. . ." He smiles through his tears as I brush them away. "I was afraid I'd never. . ." "I know. But I found my way back, thanks to all of you. And now I'm never leaving you." I nuzzle his neck and wrap my arms around him. And I am soothed to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat. . . ------------------------------------------------------- I wake up to a hand caressing my now naked chest. When I open my eyes, Walter smiles at me from his seat on the floor next to the couch. "I think all this emotional stuff wore us both out." "Yeah, but now. . ." I pull him to me for a passionate kiss. "I think we should now finish what we started." I whisper this in his ear as I reach under his shirt. "May we never be finished." Walter looks into my eyes and says this as if it were a solemn vow. At this, I reply "Never." just as seriously. We entwine our hands as we watch each other's eyes flash emotion: love, desire, joy. Then I smile and reach to pull his shirt off. My memories of us were powerful when they came flooding back, but images can't beat the real ' thing. The smell of him, the feel of his slightly callused hands make me shiver in delight. His kisses suffuse heat through my body. I try to return the caresses, but he pushes me back on the sofa, as if it was the day he first made love to me. "Let me. I want it to be perfect for you." "It's already perfect. I need to feel you, to touch you and know this is real." I get up from the couch and pull him to his feet. "Show me our bedroom?" He smiles. "I didn't tell you? There is no bedroom. I bought two couches instead." He waves his hand at the living room furniture. I take a mock swing at him and laugh. "Goof." He catches me in a bear hug before guiding me up the stairs. The bedroom is large, with a beautiful king-sized bed in the middle of it. On the one pillow is a white picture frame with a picture of me gazing out my apartment window. He had taken it one day while showing me the camera. "I needed you near me." He moves the picture to the night table and faces me. "I don't want to go too fast here. It's been so long. . ." "Too long. Just shut up and kiss me, will you?" I do it for him, pulling him to me and plundering his mouth. My body pushes his backward until we both fall onto the bed. I smooth my hands over his broad shoulders and chest, reaquainting myself with all my favorite small details of Walter. The wiry hair, his sensitive nipples, his moans of delight when I touch them. "Fox. . ." I caress his abdomen and reach the buttons of his jeans. I look up to see a question in his eyes. "Are you sure? I don't want you to rush. . ." "I wouldn't be here if I had any doubts, Walter. I love you. And I want you. Now." I unbutton his jeans and pull them, and his briefs, down to reveal his erection, pointing straight at me. I caress the silky shaft softly as I watch his face transform in pleasure. Then I bend to take him in my mouth. "God, Fox." Walter's hips shoot off the bed as I lick the head of his cock. "I can't, can't take that. I want us together. . ." He reaches down to get me. I move up Walter's body and settle on top of him. My pants rub against his cock, inflaming us both. Walter carefully reaches between us to undo them and pull them off my legs. He hesitates at my boxers, so I yank them off. "Walter. I. Love. You. I'm here. I'm real. And I want this. I need this." I figure the only way to prove my point is to make it real for him. I imagine he's afraid to blink right now. So I grab the lube and coat his cock with it. Although it's been as long for me as for him, I figure I can handle him without preparation. So I lower myself onto his cock. The burning is welcome. It reminds me of my reality. That I'm here, where I want to be. With the one I love. Then I meet Walter's eyes and drown in the emotions pouring out of them. And the burning is forgotten as I begin to move upon him. It's been too long for us to last long. Within minutes, he shouts out. I follow a second behind him, without even having touched my cock. Walter catches me as I collapse onto him. He smooths back my damp hair and kisses my forehead. "Welcome home." ------------------------------------------------------- Two months later, I am happily ensconed in the life I used to know. I've been working on the X- files with Scully for a month. I haven't officially moved in with Walter yet but I spend most of my time there. And Scully always calls me there. . . I arrive at the house to find Walter sitting on the couch, looking very seriously at me. "Walter, what's wrong?" I have shivers running up my spine just from his look. My instincts kick into gear, looking for anything that may have upset him. He points to a long rectangular box. "These came for you this afternoon." It looks like a florist box. "Walter, I--I haven't. . ." God, I hope he doesn't think I've been seeing someone else. It would break my heart. . . "Open it." He doesn't look angry or upset, just serious. So I grab the box and open the lid. Nestled inside is one white carnation with a note. I pull out the card and look at it. It says "I can't promise you a rose garden. But I'd like to promise you forever. Walter." I glance up at Walter. "Will you marry me? I know it won't be official, but. . ." After I get over the shock, I try to find my voice. A whispered "Yes." is all that comes out. But I fall into his arms, which I figured he'd understand if he didn't hear. "I love you Walter. Give me forever." He clutches me close. "Forever, Fox. I am yours forever."