Don't Close Your Eyes Tonight
By Keleka
Email: keleka@keleka.net
Distribution: Gossamer, Spookys, Xemplary, etc.
Rating: R
Spoiler Warning: If you don't know Mulder's
missing, don't read this.
Content Statement: Sk/Sc romance, Skinner angst,
Scully angst, M/S angst
Classification: VA
Summary: It's songfic, but the perfect song for
Skinner and Scully.

Archive: Sure! Please tell me where so I can visit.
Disclaimer: If I owned this cash cow, do you  really
think I'd be living in Mississippi? 
Feedback:  It's welcome in my house!
Author's Note: Huge steaming piles of thanks to
Shoshana and Fabulous Monster for their usual
All-Star beta job, and to Paige Caldwell who jumped
in and gave me a nice ego boost.
All my fanfic (X-Files, Hawaii Five-0, and Star
Trek) can be found at
http://www.keleka.net/keleka/



Don't Close Your Eyes Tonight
by Keleka


He thinks she doesn't know he cries at night.

Not every night.  Only when they make love.

After their hearts have calmed, he moves behind her
and whispers tender words, telling her how much he
loves her, how much she means to him.  He nuzzles
her neck and caresses her shoulder, waiting until he
thinks she has fallen asleep.  Then he turns away and
cries.

He thinks she doesn't know how alone he feels, even
when lying so close to her.

He cries silent tears, but she can feel the tension in
the air.  The only sound is the sheet rustling as he
clutches and releases it over and over.  He thinks
he's sparing her pain by not letting her share in his
own, but she's sure his tears are her fault and she is
consumed with guilt.

"Walter," she says softly.  His body stiffens abruptly,
but he doesn't answer her, feigning sleep.  "Walter,"
she repeats gently.

He's quiet for a long time but finally she hears him
whisper her name.  "Dana."  He clears his throat. 
"Dana, go to sleep."

Slowly she turns to face him.  She reaches for him,
touching his back in that special sinuous spot
between his shoulder blades.  He pulls away as
though her touch burns.

"I'm sorry," she says.  "I'm sorry I make you feel this
way."  He doesn't answer, sending a wave of defeat
coursing through her.  "Maybe we shouldn't be
together," she says, resigned to his cold silence.

He turns quickly and pulls her to him.  "Don't say
that."  His voice is raspy with need.  "Don't ever say
that."

She can feel the dampness of his tears against her
cheek and the quiet desperation in his breathing as
he clings to her.  She waits for him to calm, slipping
her arm around his waist to reassure him.

"Tell me why you cry," she says after a moment. 
She knows she should have asked years ago.

He's stubborn.  He doesn't answer her, or maybe he
can't.  A man of action, he finds it too difficult, too
painful, to put his feelings into words.  She tries to
push back so she can see his face, but he holds her
too tightly.

"Tell me," she says again more firmly.  "If you don't
tell me, I can't make it right."

His silence slaps her again, sending her mind down a
lonely path.  Where will she go?  What will she do? 
He has been her rock all these years.  He has been
her family.  Her life.

"Why aren't I enough?" he asks suddenly in a voice
riddled with doubt and insecurity.  She pulls back
and this time he lets her.  She sees the pain in his
nutmeg eyes at the same time she feels it in her
heart.

"I don't understand," she says, and she truly doesn't.  

"I'm the one who needs you," he says, his eyes still
locked on hers.  "I'm the one who loves you.  He's
not here.  I am."

There it is, finally.  The unspoken, invisible barrier
that has loomed between them all these years. 
Mulder.  Gone over ten years now.  Forgotten by
the FBI, mourned by only a handful, survived only
by his daughter.  Her daughter.  A daughter she has
raised with this man by her side; he's the only father
her daughter has ever known.  A daughter named
Mulder with a mother named Scully and a father
named Skinner.

She lowers her eyes for a moment, unable to
withstand his troubled gaze.  "You knew when you
married me that I would always love Mulder," she
whispers before looking at him again.  "You knew I
would always love him."

"Can't you love me too?" he asks in a small voice, a
peculiar voice from such a large, powerful man.

"I do love you, Walter, you know that.  But you
can't expect me to forget Mulder.  If I forget
him,....there's no one else to remember him.  Not
even his own daughter."

He lifts his hand to her face, gently stroking her
cheek.  "I don't expect you to forget him," he says.  

"Then what's wrong?" she asks.  "Why do you cry?"

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.  "It's
him you're thinking of when we make love."

She stops breathing, shocked that he knows this;
stunned that he knows when she closes her eyes she
imagines it's Mulder touching her, kissing her,
making love to her.  She blinks several times, not
knowing what to say.  Finally the tears well up in her
eyes and she tries valiantly to choke them back.

"I'm sorry," she sobs finally, pressing her face
against his chest.  He holds her close, trying to
absorb her pain.  After a few moments she pulls
back.  He kisses her then, a breathtaking kiss, one
intended to steal her heart from the ghost that haunts
her, from the spectre of Mulder.  His demanding lips
caress hers, overwhelming her.  The kiss is a
command.  'Be mine,' it says; 'Love me,' it pleads. 
He breaks the kiss and pulls back.  His eyes glisten
with hope.  He waits for a sign that she wants him. 
He smiles, sweetly draining her doubts and fears.

"I love you," she says, sighing softly.  "I'm here for
you now."

He moves over her, dipping down to steal another
kiss.  He is awed again by how tiny she is beneath
him, by how brave she is to give herself to him this
way.  He kisses her again and then pulls back to
watch her face for some sign.  Her eyes are open
wide, showing just a glimmer of trepidation.  He
sees himself reflected in her eyes and knows she is
trying.  He loves that she is trying.  He moves his
mouth close to her ear and whispers, "Don't close
your eyes tonight.  Let it be me tonight."


*end*



Lyrics to "Don't Close Your Eyes Tonight"
sung by John Denver on the album "Dreamland
Express"


There's a tenderness that I feel, very real, you see
I can feel your body stir so deep within
Let it be an act of love tonight, completely
Let me ask of you one thing

Chorus:
Don't close your eyes tonight
Just look at me
See how many times I cried for you
Don't close your eyes tonight
Let it be me
Not just a fantasy
Let it be me tonight

You can lie so close to someone, and still feel all
alone
Though I've heard you say you love me so many
times
When you give me love so beautiful and tender
Someone else is in your mind

Chorus

Sorry if I cry
The feelings run so deep
Many is the time when I wake up and find I've been
crying in my sleep
Look me in the eye
Tell me what you see
I'm the one who loves you
I'm the one who needs you
Make this one for me

Chorus