THE BREAKS [part 2]
By Whiteoaks (whiteoaks@writeme.com)


It was during breakfast the next morning that Mulder finally noticed the
strange looks Walter was giving him. "What? Is something wrong?" he
asked as he lifted another forkful of eggs to Skinner’s mouth.

Skinner chewed slowly and swallowed. "You threatened to spank me last
night."

"Yes, I did."

"Did you mean it?"

Mulder held up a cup of coffee so that Skinner could drink. "You asked
me that last night. Like I said, maybe. Why?"

Skinner swallowed his coffee. "Because I want to know. It’s my ass
that’s in danger."

Mulder stopped feeding Walter. "Why are you so worried? Walter, last
night you wouldn’t listen to me. You were shut down, in a way you were
out of control My threat stopped that. I didn’t mean to scare you."
He stood, moved to Skinner’s chair and knelt. He lifted Skinner’s chin
so he could see his face, "Walter, talk to me."

Skinner could not meet his eyes. "I don’t know. I know I was convinced
I’d hurt you if I didn’t send you away. I didn’t want to do that. When
you pulled me across your lap, I didn’t know what to do. I was scared,
and . . , and your threatening to spank me made me feel safe." He
finally met Mulder’s gaze. "I don’t know why. I don’t know!"

"Hush, it’s okay." Mulder pulled the upset man into his embrace. He
patted Walter’s back trying to soothe him "Walter, I’m glad you felt
safe. I want you to feel safe. It’s okay, you did nothing wrong." He
continued his reassurances until he felt Skinner relax.

"Are we okay, Walter?"

Walter looked up and answered shakily, "Yeah, we’re okay. I still don’t
understand why I felt that way."

Mulder helped him stand, gave him a hug, and said, "We can talk about
it some more, if you like. But let’s move to some place a little more
comfortable." This statement resulted in the small smile he had hoped
for. He walked to the couch and sat next to Skinner.

"Do you know why my threatening to spank you made you feel safe?"

"I have no idea."

Walter looked so miserable, Mulder thought frantically for the best way
to help him. "Walter, did your parents spank you?"

"Sometimes, not very often. Basically, when my behavior was completely
out of line, one of them would straighten me out with a few swats to the
seat of my pants. It would set me right back on course."

Mulder smiled. "Sounds like you were a good kid."

"I tried." Walter thought for a moment, then Mulder noticed a slight
flush spreading across his face.

"Walter? What is it?" He placed a hand on Walter’s shoulder. "You’ve
thought of something."

"Yeah," Walter grudgingly answered. "Something my mother used to
comment on. I have a couple of brothers and sisters. Most of the kids
got into scrapes more often than I did. Mom had to spend a lot of time
disciplining them. She usually ended up spanking them about once every
week or two." He shook his head. "I can’t believe I’m going to tell
you this."

"You don’t have to, if it’s going to make you uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I do." He looked earnestly at Mulder. "I think I understand
what happened now. Mom used to tell me I’d get sort of down, you know,
kind of depressed every now and then. It was usually after I’d been
punishment free for several months. She said she'd make a big deal out
of something little I’d done and then take me into her room for a
spanking. She said I always seemed a lot happier later, like I felt I
was being left out because I wasn’t being spanked." He gave a short
laugh. "Pretty messed up, huh?"

"No, Walter. Not messed up. Sounds like you had a great mother."

"Yeah, I miss her a lot. She and Dad were killed in a car crash about
15 years ago. I miss talking to both of them. They were always up
front with me. Made me look at myself honestly. I’m a grown man, but I
miss their guidance." Walter closed his eyes. "Somehow, talking to
them made things easier."

Mulder pulled Skinner to him, and held him closely. "I can see that. I
think I understand now. Thanks for telling me." He patted Skinner’s
back and resettled him against the back of the couch. "Let’s do your
exercises."

***


Mulder finished helping exercise Walter’s shoulders and arms. He
brought out the files from the evening before. Like Scully, he was
convinced they were overlooking a critical piece of information. He
hoped going through the files again with Walter would help to identify
it.

Both men were bent over the coffee table, studying the spread out
files. "I know there’s something here, I just can’t see it!" Mulder
complained.

"Take it easy Mulder, let’s go through it piece by piece. Maybe that
will help," Walter offered.

Mulder forcibly exhaled. "Yeah, at least it can’t hurt. Okay, we’ve
got a string of arsons at various businesses. In each case, once the
fire is extinguished, the body of a person is discovered tied to a
chair. Death is from smoke inhalation. So far no one’s found a link
between the businesses or the victims. Scully has done the last three
autopsies and found no irregularities, the victims were healthy
adults." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Where do you want to start?"

"Let’s do it the old-fashioned way we learned in evidence class, we make
lists." Skinner smirked, "You get to do the writing, just try to make
it legible enough for me to read it."

"Ha, ha," was Mulder’s sarcastic response. "I’m better at leaps of
logic than penmanship, let me get my laptop. That way the words will be
spelled correctly, too." He headed up the stairs to retrieve the
computer from the guest room.

Walter was leaning over the files when Mulder returned. "I don’t
remember seeing this last night."

"Seeing what?"

"This note about the knots used to tie the victims."

"Yeah, that is odd, it’s one of the reasons we know it’s the same UNSUB,
though. In each incident, the victims hands are tied behind their back
and there is a twist tie with a four leaf clover charm hanging from it
wrapped around the rope. We just can’t figure out what it means."

"I may have an idea. Have the team run a check for connections with
Viet Nam. First, could you call Frohike for me?"

"Frohike?" He waved off Skinner’s response. "Never mind, you don’t have
to explain. Do you want to talk to him or have him come over?"

"I want to talk to him. "

"Okay," Mulder replied as he opened his cell phone. "Frohike? Walter
wants to talk to you. Oh, and Frohike, turn off the tape." He held the
phone to Walter’s ear and mouth.

"Mel? Do you remember any thing about someone leaving four leaf clover
tokens at burned out hootches? Yeah, it’s about the arson cases. You
do remember? Great. Can you see what you can find and bring it over?
I’d appreciate it. Thanks, Mel." He nodded to Mulder to terminate the
call.

"Frohike’s going to look up a few things and then bring them over. Why
don’t you call Scully to start the data base search, then I’ll explain
what I remember."

While Mulder talked with Scully, Skinner reviewed what he remembered
about the four leaf clover charms. They were left in the doors of burnt
out hootches. While some of the homes had been used by the Cong, some
of them had housed innocent families. Who ever was responsible for the
destruction was not discriminating between occupants. The burns had not
been sanctioned, it was one person acting independently. Like so many
things that happened in ‘Nam, the news was suppressed. The callousness
had always frightened him. If he remembered correctly, the person was
never caught. Eventually the burnings stopped; it was assumed the
person responsible had been killed or returned to the States. Now it
appeared it was the later.

Mulder brought a glass of cold water to him, holding the straw so he
could drink. "Thanks."

"You looked like you needed that," Mulder tried to ease open the
conversation. "Whatever you were thinking about was obviously upsetting
you."

"Just some bad memories from ‘Nam. Things I’d like to forget, but know
I shouldn’t. It’s hard to explain the things that went on over there.
The worst was the fact that no one in our government or theirs seemed to
care that innocent Vietnamese were being killed. It was like they felt
they were sub-human so it didn’t matter." Skinner was slumped against
the back of the couch. "I know I told you about the kid I had to kill.
That still bothers me but there was nothing else I could do. A lot of
the guys in my unit couldn’t understand why I was so upset. According
to them it was just some gook kid." He shook his head. "They couldn’t
see it was a terrified little boy." He closed his eyes.

Mulder placed a hand on Walter’s forearm. "I know I can’t fully
understand what you went through over there, what everyone went through
over there. But, I’m here if you ever want to talk."

Skinner opened his eyes slightly and nodded. Then laid back again.
They sat in silence until there was a call from the doorman letting them
know there was a Melvin Frohike wishing to see them.

***

Mulder opened the door to admit Frohike. "Whoa, man! What happened to
your lip?"

Mulder had forgotten that his lip was still swollen. "A mishap with
Walter’s right cast. Nothing to talk about."

Frohike understood that Mulder wanted him to drop the subject. He
crossed over to the living room and placed a box on the coffee table.

He’d brought several computer printouts with him. "I had to access some
vets’ sites on the web to find what we’re looking for. There weren’t
many references, but enough to document the story."

Walter told them what he remembered. Frohike excitedly nodded his head,
"That’s pretty much what I remembered, too. I found a little more stuff
at a couple of sites that had posted entries from diaries kept by people
serving over there. Here, take a look." He spread the papers across
the coffee table.

"The burnings were random, no apparent pattern to where, when, or whom.
In each case, however, some sort of four leaf clover was found in the
dirt at the hootches doorway. Sometimes it was a cheap charm, sometimes
it was drawn in the dirt, a few times there was a weighted down,
laminated paper clover. Phosphorous grenades were always the cause of
the fires, various other grenades were used to knock out or kill the
people inside. Anyone trying to escape was shot, the person had
semi-automatic weapons. The front door was blocked after the first
grenade was thrown, then the escape exit was watched for those trying to
get away. Percussion grenades made short work of the interior hovels.
They never did find the person, and the burnings just stopped
eventually. There wasn’t much noted about it. It wasn’t as horrifying
as some of the other stuff going on, and some times it was a gook
stronghold that was taken out. So, the incidents were hushed up and
there was no news coverage. The first incident was recorded in fall
of 1970; the last in spring of ‘72. From what I could document, there
were around fourteen incidents."

Mulder picked up his phone. "This is good. I’m going to call Scully to
have someone pick it up. They can use it in their search." As he
punched in her number, Skinner’s stomach growled loudly. "And, then
I’ll make lunch. Soup and sandwiches okay?"

Skinner nodded and then looked at Frohike. "Mel, would you like to
stay? It’s not fancy, but it is edible." Mulder looked at Skinner in
shock.

"Sure, why not. It’ll give us a chance to talk some more," Frohike
replied.

Ending his call with Scully, Mulder headed to the kitchen. He’d been
startled when Walter invited Frohike, but it made sense. If Frohike was
ever going to stay with Skinner, he’d be the one feeding him. This was
a way to ease into it. Still, he had to admire Skinner’s courage at
inviting Frohike, knowing he’d be watching Mulder feed him.

***

Mulder had just finished putting lunch on the table when the courier
arrived. As he returned to the kitchen, he noticed Frohike holding
Walter’s milk up so he could drink. There were also several bites
missing from Walter’s sandwich.

"Sorry, we didn’t wait for you. Walter’s stomach was making so much
noise, I figured we should just get started. You don’t mind, do you?"

"No, not at all." He sat down and picked up his own sandwich. Frohike
continued to feed Walter the sandwich while Mulder took over the soup
and milk concession. "I was hoping to talk Walter into a walk after
lunch. Would you like to join us?"

Frohike looked pleasantly surprised. "Sure, if it’s not too long. I’m
supposed to be back to cover the phones in an hour and a half."

"Great," Walter said. "We don’t walk too long, my balance isn’t quite
right, and I still tire easily. It should work out fine." He paused
for a moment. "I need to use the facilities. Mel, would you mind? If
you help me, Mulder can clean up here and then we can head out."

Mulder was holding his breath; this was a huge step. "I’d be happy to
help. Lead the way," he motioned to Skinner.

As the two men left the kitchen, Mulder couldn’t resist, "Walter, make
sure he washes his hands."

***

They talked about the case as they walked. While the Viet Nam
information gave them a clue, it still didn’t give them any answers. It
was possible that the two were completely unrelated, although none of
them believed that. They needed to tie together data from ‘Nam with the
happenings here. The F. B. I. Team would be checking out military
records for the time in question. But some link between the businesses
and victims needed to be discovered.

***

When they arrived back at Walter’s building, Frohike left to return to
the Lone Gunmen. Mulder and Skinner headed back to the condo.

"How are you doing? It’s been a busy day," Mulder commented as they
entered the apartment.

"I’m a little tired. I think a nap would be a good idea."


Mulder put their jackets in the closet. "Okay. Couch or bed?"

"The couch is fine."

Mulder helped Walter get comfortable, covered him, and then headed
upstairs to talk to Scully without disturbing his friend’s nap.

After he finished his conversation he was surprised when his cell phone
immediately rang. "Mulder."

"Mulder, it’s Frohike. Walter told me what happened to your lip. I
think I have a solution. Can you meet me in Walter’s lobby?"

"Sure. I’ll be right down."

He checked Walter to make sure he was sleeping soundly, then headed to
the elevator to meet Frohike.

Frohike was waiting in the lobby, holding a large bag from a pharmacy.

"Like I said, Walter told me what happened. He’s still upset that he
hurt you. Anyway, I thought these would help."

Mulder looked in the bag. There were two slings, they would hold
Walter’s arms in a bent position with his hands cradled to his chest.
"These look like they just might work. Thanks."

"No problem. I’ll be happy if they work. I’ll talk to you later."
With that, Frohike turned and walked out the door.

As he headed back to the elevator. Mulder realized that Frohike knew he
and Walter were sharing a bed. He also realized that he hadn’t made any
lewd comments about it. Feeling stupid, he realized he had greatly
underestimated his friend. He opened Walter’s door determined to treat
Frohike with more respect in the future.

***

He entered the apartment to find Walter in the throes of another
nightmare. Dropping to his knees next to the couch, he grasped both of
Walter’s arms and held them to his chest. "Walter, Walter, wake up!
You’re having a bad dream. Walter, come on, man, wake up." He repeated
this several times before Walter stilled and opened his eyes.

"Damn, another nightmare. I’m sorry."

Mulder helped him sit up. "Nothing to be sorry about. You stirred up
some old memories today, it’s not surprising they affected your dreams.
I’m going to get you some water. I’ll be right back."

"Okay," Skinner noticed the bag Mulder had dropped next to the couch.
"Hey, what’s in the bag?"

Mulder held a glass of cold water up for him to sip through a straw. "A
couple of slings. Frohike thought of them. Looks like we don’t have to
worry about you accidentally hitting me while you’re asleep any more."
He pulled one out of the bag so that Walter could see it.

"Looks like it’ll work." He looked shyly at Mulder, "I hope you don’t
mind my telling him about our sleeping arrangements."

"Walter, I was worried it would bother you if someone knew. I don’t
mind. Frohike is really a good friend. I think I’m just beginning to
realize how good."

"He’s definitely a good man. I have the feeling life’s knocked him
around a bit. But somehow, it hasn’t knocked out his humanity. I’m
glad you introduced us." Walter leaned back against the couch. "This
case is dredging up some bad memories, for both of us."

Mulder sat quietly. He looked at Skinner, "Let me know if I can do
anything. For now, let’s get you in the shower. I’ll see what I can do
to massage some stress out of your shoulders."

***
Skinner barely suppressed a moan. The warm water pounded on his chest while Mulder scrubbed his back. The scrubbing stopped as a gentle massage began. It felt fantastic, he began to relax. He hadn’t realized just how tight his muscles were. The combination of working on the case files and his Viet Nam memories had him steeling himself against his emotions, Mulder’s hands were dissolving that steel.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"You’re going to have to stop now. That’s feeling too good." Walter hoped he understood what he wasn’t saying.
"It feels too good? What do you, . ., Oh, okay." He turned Skinner so the shower sprayed the soap from his body. He was careful to not look down. This was a problem he had not anticipated. Sure, they’d had that incident during the first shower, but he hadn’t really thought about the repercussions. Walter couldn’t exactly take matters in his own hands, so to speak. Mulder scowled at his own bad pun. He was going to have to be careful, too much stimulation and Walter was going to be a candidate for blue balls. He knew from experience just how uncomfortable that could be. There was something he could do, but it would take a careful approach. For now, he’d wait.
He helped Walter from the shower and carefully dried and dressed him. They headed back downstairs. He was going to make dinner while Walter watched the news. He was watching Walter covertly; Walter had been quiet since his request that Mulder quit the massage, he had only given minimal responses to questions. 
***
Skinner sat staring at the evening news. He neither saw nor heard the broadcast, his mind was stuck in a loop reviewing his feelings in the shower. Not his physical feelings; his emotional ones. He knew the physical response was not unusual given the situation. He also knew that patients frequently form an attachment to the person providing their care. It didn’t matter how much he tried to intellectualize it, he was becoming attracted to Fox Mulder. He had no idea what to do now.
Mulder brought one of Maggie’ Scully’s casseroles out to the living room. First laying down a hot pad, he placed it on the coffee table. He left and returned quickly with plates, napkins, and silver ware. Another trip garnered two full glasses of milk. "This smells great. Of course, I pretty much like everything Scully’s Mom makes."
He looked at Skinner, who was staring at the table. "Do you want to tell me what’s wrong??
Skinner slowly shook his head once. "Nothing’s wrong, I’m just thinking about a few things." He looked at Mulder. "You’re right, this smells good. It seems like it’s been a long time since lunch."
Knowing he’d gain nothing by pushing, Mulder began dishing out the casserole.
They ate in a companionable silence, watching the news and then a game. Mulder cleaned up while Skinner continued to watch the television. Finally, he decided he’d have to talk to Mulder. He couldn’t delay this any longer, soon it would be time for bed. He needed to tell Mulder what was going on before the next bathroom trip.
"Mulder?’
"Yeah?" Mulder came into the room, wiping a last bit of moisture from his hands onto his slacks.
"I need to talk to you," Skinner looked at Mulder, willing him to understand.
Mulder sat next to him on the couch. "Any time, you know that. Do you want me to get anything before you start? I have a feeling this is serious."
"Um, yeah. A glass of water would be great." Walter watched as Mulder quickly fulfilled his request and returned to the couch.
As Mulder settled next to him, Skinner stated "You know what transference means." Mulder nodded at the rhetorical remark. This was not what he expected the conversation would be about, but he was beginning to understand what was troubling Walter. 
Skinner continued "I know that people in therapy can fall in love with their therapists and that that is called transference. I don’t know if that is what is happening here, but I didn’t stop you in the shower because I was responding to your massage, I stopped you because I was responding to you." He looked directly at Mulder, trying to divine Mulder’s reaction to this pronouncement.
Mulder leaned back and ran his hand through his hair. He took a deep breath and pushed it all out at once. He turned to look at Skinner. "That wasn’t what I was expecting." He stilled Walter’s reaction. "No, don’t misunderstand me, I thought you were having problems with some more memories, I wasn’t expecting it to be about us." He saw Skinner’s quizzical look. "Yes, us." He turned so that his knee was touching Walter’s thigh, "I had no idea you were attracted to me. It doesn’t bother me that you are. I am concerned that this might be a case of transference, as you suggest, but if it’s not, I’m okay with it."
"You don’t mind a man being attracted to you?"
"No, especially not if it is a man to whom I’m also attracted."
This time it was Skinner taking a deep breath. "I, . ., I don’t know what to say. I, um, how long?"
"For a while now, I think it started when you stood up to Spender for me, when you kicked him out of your office. I’d noticed your body before then, but I need more than physical appearance to form an attraction." He touched Skinner’s arm, "I’m attracted to the person. Walter, you’re an honorable man, a good friend. You care about the people who work for you and you care about the people you are sworn to protect. It would be impossible not to be attracted to that."
Walter appeared shocked. "You’ve, uh, you’ve been attracted to men before?"
"Attracted, yes. But, I’ve never followed that attraction into a sexual relationship. I, . , at first I was afraid my father would find out, later I was afraid it would be used against me in my work. The attractions were never strong enough to make me want to take a chance."
Walter was shifting uncomfortably on the couch. Mulder held the glass of water up and Skinner nodded gratefully. He took a long drink. "This is the first time I’ve ever been attracted to a man. I’ve got to admit, I’m more than a little confused."
Both men sat quietly for a few minutes. Finally, Mulder spoke, "Walter, it’s okay to feel confused. I think I’d worry if you weren’t. You do know, we don’t have to do anything about our mutual attraction. It’s fine to acknowledge it and just continue as we have been. The last thing I want is for this to hurt our friendship, because I do believe we are friends." He tried to smile confidently, but his stomach was in an uproar. He’d come to enjoy Walter’s company. The last few days had given him an insight into Walter Skinner, he wanted to get to know this man better. He wanted this friendship to continue to grow.
Skinner did smile. "We are friends, Mulder, even if you do make me call you by your last name." He chuckled softly. "I don’t want anything to ruin that any more than you do. But, do you really think we can just forget about this?"
"Walter, neither of us has any experience with another man." He noticed Walter jerk slightly. "Have you have experience with a man?"
"Sort of, not really." At Mulder’s bewildered look he explained, "In ‘Nam some of the guys and I would sort of help each other, you know, like a circle jerk kind of thing." There was a faint edge of pink to Skinner’s ears now. "I guess you never did anything like that."
"No, I never did. In high school I was too much of a geek, I was in track and on the swim team, but everyone knew I was different so they stayed away. Plus, I was a little younger than most of the guys in my class. At Oxford I was the weird Yank until I met Phoebe. Then, I was completely in her control until she dumped me. At that point I needed to seriously recoup my studies. Next thing I knew, I was being recruited by the F. B. I. An opportunity never presented itself." He shrugged his shoulders, "I think I’m probably in the minority, though. From what I’ve read it’s almost a rite of passage."
"I guess so. I never thought about it. In ‘Nam things were so out of control, we did a lot of things I’d never have done otherwise. The drugs and alcohol were a major coping device, the mutual jerking off seemed to be the same thing."
Mulder realized now was the ideal time to bring up his earlier idea. "Speaking of which," he saw Skinner tense. "Whoa, relax! It’s just a thought I had earlier. I know you have no way to relieve yourself if you do become aroused. I also know how much that can hurt if it builds to a point where distraction doesn’t work." The euphemisms were making this difficult. "Hell, Walter, what I’m saying is, if you need me to, I’m willing to jack you off. Okay? It won’t mean anything, if you don’t want it to." He watched Skinner mull over his words.
Skinner responded slowly and carefully, ‘I understand what you’re offering. But," he looked directly at Mulder, "it will mean something."
Mulder gulped. "Okay." He thought for a moment. "You know how I feel, I know how you feel. For now, you make the rules, at least when it comes to this. Agreed?"
Skinner responded solemnly, "Agreed."
***
The bedtime preparations that evening were a little strained. Each man was careful not to allow their feelings or earlier discussion to cause them to act differently than before. Of course, this made everything seem stiff and uncomfortable.
Finally, Skinner was sitting on the bed. He watched Mulder approach with the slings Frohike had purchased. "Are you sure you still want to share my bed?"
"Yes." Mulder first shrugged his shoulders, then looked very determined. He spoke with assurance, "Walter, we went over this last night. Today’s revelations change nothing. I can’t help you with your nightmares if I’m in the guest room. I won’t sleep unless I know you are all right. Understand?" His tone made it clear that this was not open for discussion.
Walter nodded his head and lifted his right arm slightly. Mulder slid the sling over it and one strap around his neck. He finished by winding a second strap around his chest. His right arm was now held securely to his chest. They repeated the procedure with his left arm.
Mulder checked to be sure the straps would not chaff his neck. "Okay? Not too uncomfortable?"
"No, they’re fine. Actually, right now it feels good. I don’t have to hold my arms up, I can let the slings take the weight and just relax my shoulders and arms."
Mulder frowned. "I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe we should use them during the day."
"No. You said muscle atrophy was a possibility if I didn’t use my arms. I don’t want to chance that." He smirked up at Mulder. "Can we go to bed now, Dad?"
Mulder lightly cuffed the back of Walter’s head. "Don’t be a brat. Yes, we can go to bed now. Let me help you get comfortable."
Before long both men were under the covers. "Mulder?"
"Hmm, yeah?"
"Will you hold me?" Skinner asked uncertainly.
"Of course." Mulder pulled him into his arms and they drifted into a peaceful sleep.
***
About four hours later, Skinner’s struggles woke Mulder. "No, stop! Don’t do this! Stop!" Skinner was yelling as he thrashed about. "Please, stop! Go back!"
Mulder sat up and shook Skinner, "Come on, Walter. Wake up. You’re having another nightmare."
Skinner did not wake, but continued yelling and kicking. "You’ve got to go back! I don’t want to shoot you! Please kid, go back!"
God, he was dreaming about shooting the boy. Mulder knew he had to wake him now. He rolled him to his side and slapped his butt soundly. He waited a moment and slapped him again. Finally Walter was still.
"Mulder?" Walter said with a slight tremor in his voice.
"You had another nightmare. You’re okay now." He gathered Walter to him, and helped him to lay his head on his shoulder. He rubbed Skinner’s back.
"Did I hurt you?"
"Not this time. The slings worked. We’ll have to thank Frohike. Are you okay? Anything hurt?"
"No, everything seems to be okay. Well, physically, anyway." He tried to move closer to Mulder.
Recognizing what Walter needed, Mulder pulled Skinner closer, hugging him to his chest. "Is that better?"
"Yeah. Thanks." Skinner paused, debating whether to reveal the nightmare. "I was dreaming about shooting that boy. . I usually feel disconnected, and very alone after that nightmare. Thanks for understanding."
"No problem. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?"
"Sure, just don’t let go, okay?"
Mulder squeezed him tighter for a second. "I’m not going to let go. I’ve got you. It’s safe to sleep." He felt Skinner nod his head. He continued to hold him as they both drifted back to sleep.
***
Mulder woke to hear the phone ringing. Skinner was sleeping on his side, his head tucked between Mulder’s chin and shoulders. His legs were spread across Mulder’s thighs. Looking down, Mulder gave into temptation and kissed the top of Skinner’s head as he gently moved him aside. To his surprise, Skinner looked up and smiled. He returned the smile as he picked up the receiver. "Skinner residence."
"Hi, Scully. . Yeah, I was still sleeping….I know, I don’t usually sleep this late…. Okay, I don’t think we need anything…Scully, we’ll be okay. If something comes up, I'll call the guys…. I promise… Talk to you later." He returned the receiver to the stand.
"What did Scully want?"
"Her daily check in call, plus she’s going to be checking out a few things today, so be she’ll be on the road. The team hasn’t come up with anything specific, but there are a few names they think they can eliminate with a little more information. Hence the road work. Scully and the rest of the team are breaking into pairs and going to question people. If nothing else, it should pare down the list they’ve put together from the veterans records. So far, they’ve just been comparing dates of tours in ‘Nam to vets living in this area of the country. They’re still checking into the victims and businesses to see if they can find a connection with Viet Nam.’" He laid on his side, looking at Skinner. "You seem to be a good mood."
"I just realized how nice it is to not be alone when I wake up. I’d forgotten how it feels," Skinner shyly commented.
"Yeah, I have to agree it’s nice." He squeezed Walter’s shoulder, and then sat up. "Ready to start the day?" He stood and helped Skinner to his feet. He removed the slings and accompanied Skinner to the bathroom.
***
Frohike called while they were eating breakfast. The Gunmen had been conducting their own investigation. They didn’t have anything to report, but Frohike wanted to talk with Skinner. Mulder held the phone for Skinner.
"Walter?"
"I’m here. What’s up?"
"I wanted to make sure you were doing okay." Frohike paused briefly. "I had some nightmares last night about over there, I figured you might have too."
"Yeah, I did." He looked at Mulder, then returned to the conversation. "It was pretty bad. Fortunately your sling idea worked, Mel. Mulder came through it unscathed."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He could hear the concern in Frohike’s voice.
Again, Walter looked at Mulder. "Yeah, I’d like that. Can you come over? I’d like Mulder to be there, too, if that’s all right?"
"No problem, I’ll be there in thirty." 
***
Mulder finished the dishes while they waited. He could tell Skinner was nervous, he refused to sit down and was pacing from the balcony door to the kitchen and back.
"Walter, you’re worrying me. Is there anything I can do? Are you sure you want me there?"
Walter walked up behind Mulder and laid his forehead against Mulder’s back. "I need you there. You already know what I did. I’m afraid Mel won’t be as understanding." He lifted his head and took a step back. "God, I killed a kid! That’s hard to reconcile no matter how good the reason."
Mulder turned and held him until Frohike arrived.
***
Mulder was concerned. Walter was genuinely afraid that Frohike would think less of him, or maybe condemn him for what happened so long ago. He didn’t know what else to do, so he just held him, trying to give Walter the reassurance he so desperately needed. When the doorman announced Frohike’s arrival, he guided Walter to the couch and helped him sit.
"I’ll be right back, Walter. I’m just going to let Frohike in." He waited until Skinner nodded before walking to the door.
He opened the door before Frohike knocked and stepped into the hallway. "He’s really upset. He’s afraid you’re going to reject him because of what he’s going to tell you. I don’t think you will, but just in case, try not to react too much, okay?"
Frohike looked up at Mulder. He could see how concerned Mulder was, "Don’t worry, man. I’ll keep my cool."
"Thanks." Mulder opened the door and ushered him inside.
Frohike walked over to the couch and sat next to Walter. "How you doing, man? Can I get you anything before we start?"
Skinner looked up and frantically swiveled his head until he located Mulder. "No, uhm, I guess a glass of water would be a good idea. Mulder, do you mind?"
"I’ll get it, Walter. Frohike, do you want anything?"
Frohike noted Skinner’s reaction, he looked at Mulder, "I think water for all of us would be good."
"Three waters coming up."
Mulder brought a tray with the glasses of water plus a pitcher of water with ice to the living room. He set it on the coffee table next to a box of tissues he had brought out earlier.. He placed the glass with the straw in front of Walter and gestured to Frohike to help himself. He looked at Skinner, who looked more scared then he’d ever seen him. He obviously felt strongly about Frohike’s friendship, but Mulder thought something else might be going on.
"Walter, do you want me to sit next to you?"
"Please!" Walter took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He shifted closer to Frohike to allow Mulder enough space to sit on the other side of him.
Mulder sat next to Walter and wrapped an arm around Walter’s shoulders. "This is your show. Start when you’re ready. Frohike and I are in no hurry."
Walter swallowed, and gulped. This was more difficult than he’d thought. "Could I have a drink first?"
"Sorry, I should have offered." Mulder picked up the glass so Walter could suck through the straw. He watched as the water level dropped rapidly. Finally, Walter had enough. He set the glass back on the table.
Walter cleared his throat. "This is difficult, I guess I should just get it over with." He turned to Frohike, never losing contact with Mulder. "I’ve been having nightmares about a specific incident from "Nam. I was on guard duty. A Vietnamese boy walked into the camp. He was rigged with grenades; a walking booby trap. He was only around ten years old. I could see he was shaking and crying. He was being forced to walk into our camp so that the grenades could be detonated taking out everyone near him. I yelled and yelled for him to go back. He just kept walking towards us, crying and shaking but putting one foot in front of the other. Finally, I had no choice, I shot him. I sacrificed him to prevent other deaths." Walter closed his eye and continued, "He was just a scared little kid." He hung his head, refusing to look at Mulder or Frohike.
Mulder pulled Skinner until he was leaning against him, his head nestled on Mulder’s shoulder.
"Walter?" Frohike spoke softly, but clearly. "Walter, please look at me." He waited until Skinner raised his head and looked at him. "You did what you had to do. I can’t imagine the courage it took to pull that trigger. I don’t know if I could have done it. I do know that you did what you had to do to save lives. You had no choice." He watched as the words penetrated Walter’s consciousness.
"You don’t hate me?" Walter was still seeking reassurance, he couldn’t quite believe his friend would accept his actions.
Frohike moved closer, his hand rested on Walter’s arm. "Walter. You Had No Choice. If you hadn’t shot him, he’d still be dead; so would many others. The shrapnel would have caused even more injuries. It was the only choice you could make." He watched as Walter finally accepted his words.
Skinner’s face crumpled as sobs racked his body. Mulder tried to comfort him as best he could. Frohike continued to hold his arm with one hand while rubbing circles on his back with the other. Mulder hugged Walter tightly, hoping his friend would return to them soon, but knowing he needed the catharsis of tears to work through the nightmare of his memories. He reached for Frohike, found his hand, and pulled him until he was hugging Walter’s back. Somehow, he knew Walter needed the contact to believe their reassurances. Finally, the sobs slowed and all he could hear was Walter’s hitching breaths.
"Walter, you okay now?"
"Yeah," Walter drew a forearm across his eyes. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall apart like that." He snuffled as he tried to compose himself.
Mulder pulled a few tissues from the box, he held one to Skinner’s nose. "Blow." Skinner did as he was told. Mulder repeated the actions one more time. Frohike stood, went into the bathroom and returned with a damp cloth which he handed to Mulder.
Mulder looked at him gratefully and mouthed the word ‘thanks’. He nodded to indicate Frohike should return to his seat next to Walter.
"Walter, let me wash your face. This cloth should help cool your eyes, too." Walter raised his head enough for Mulder to pass the cloth over it. He leaned against the back of the couch with his eyes closed as Mulder folded the cloth and placed it over his swollen, red eyes.
"Walter can we talk? You don’t have to sit up, just stay like you are for now." Mulder knew they needed to talk through this now before Walter retreated behind his walls.
"I guess so. I’m sorry, I don’t why I fell apart like that." Walter sounded ashamed.
Frohike placed his hand on Walter’s shoulder. "You never really talked to anyone about that did you? You’ve been holding this inside ever since it happened." He waited patiently for Walter to respond.
His voice still hitching slightly, Walter finally answered, "No. There wasn’t anyone I could talk to. The other guys in my unit couldn’t understand why I was so upset, at least the ones that were willing to voice an opinion. I didn’t think anyone who hadn’t been there would understand, so I didn’t say anything when I came home. I did tell Mulder, but only about what happened, not how I felt." Walter sat up, the cloth dropping to his lap. "Mel, do you understand? I killed a boy, a defenseless kid being used by some gook. I couldn’t help him, but I can’t forget his face, his terror."
"I do understand. I don’t know how you’ve managed to keep that inside all these years. Walter, this is not your blame to bear. Whoever booby trapped that kid is the guilty party. You did what you had to do. That boy was dead no matter what. You’ve got to let this go." 
Mulder added, "There’s more than just the boy, isn’t there?"
Walter nodded, sniffing a bit. "I guess so. I try not to think about it too much."
He had Mulder’s and Frohike’s full attention. "Okay, Walter, give." Mulder had never heard Frohike sound so commanding.
"Can I have some more water first?" Walter pleaded.
Mulder poured some more water into the glass and held it so Walter could drink. This time he drained the entire glass.
"Thank you." He dragged his arm across his mouth. Mulder made a humphing sound and wiped Walter’s mouth with a tissue.
"No more stalling, Walter. It’s time to finish the story." Mulder refilled the glass and gestured to Walter to continue.
"It was a few days after I shot the boy. We were on patrol in country when we came across a boy and girl headed toward the next village. I never found out where they were from or why they were traveling without their family. I was with three other guys that I really didn’t like much, they were some of the ones who kept praising me for blowing away the gook kid." Walter took a shuddering breath. "They grabbed the girl and said it was time these gooks learned their place in life. I tried to reason with them, then I tried to fight with them. They knocked me down and tied my hands behind my back. Then they started pulling the girls clothes off. Her brother tried to stop them, they’d hit him and he'd get right back up. Finally, one of the guys says ‘Fine. You can take her place.’ They dropped the girl and used her brother instead. I kept yelling and pleading, but they didn’t listen to me. When they were done, they let the boy go. He rearranged his clothes, took his sister’s hand and walked over to me. He said something I didn’t understand, gave me sort of a half smile, wiped the tears from my face and patted my shoulder. Then, he and his sister walked away. I never saw them again. The guys I was with told me I was a wimp and a gook lover. Eventually they untied me and we went back on patrol." Walter looked beseechingly at Mulder and then Frohike, "I never reported the incident. I hated what they did, but I never said anything about it. A few weeks later we were split up. I didn’t see them again." Tears were running down Walter’s face. He was exhausted and could think of nothing more to say.
Mulder pulled him against his chest and hugged him. "Walter, I don’t know how you survived holding that inside so long. That boy knew what you tried to do. He knew you tried to protect him and his sister. It was a horrible situation, you did everything you could at the time. I don’t know that reporting what had happened would have helped anything."
Frohike knew. "It would have accomplished nothing except to make Walter the target of friendly fire his next time out." At Mulder’s skeptical look he continued, "You don’t know what it was like, Mulder. These guys were merciless. They had left their morals in the U. S., they didn’t recognize that the Vietnamese were human. They figured anything went. If Walter had reported them, they would have found a way to main or kill him. They weren’t really human anymore, themselves. It’s something you had to see and experience to believe, but, it is the way things were."
Frohike stood up. He pushed Mulder’s shoulders until he laid back, then he arranged Walter so he was lying against Mulder. Walter was completely passive. He directed his next comment to Mulder. "Hold him, he needs to feel you holding him. I’m going to check in with the guys, then I’ll see what I can do about lunch." He paused, then continued, "He needs to know you don’t think less of him. The best way you can do that is to hold him and comfort him."
Mulder nodded. He tightened his arms around Skinner and, for the second time that day, kissed his head. Skinner took a shuddering breath and fell asleep. Frohike covered the two of them with an afghan and left to take care of his self appointed tasks.
***
[continued in part 3]