TITLE:  Dry Heat - Part III
(26 parts - Part 17 to 26)
NAME: frogdoggie
E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: SRA
RATING: NC-17. M/SK. SK/O This story contains SLASH. 
VERY GRAPHIC CONSENSUAL SEX BETWEEN MEN. So, 
if you don't like that type of thing - STOP NOW! Forewarned is 
forearmed. Proceed with caution.
SUMMARY: Post colonization. Walter Skinner is on a quest of 
his own. Go West Mr. AD. Seek and ye shall find. Missed parts 
of this story? Surf here: http://www.squidge.org/3wstop.
FEEDBACK - YES PLEASE, AND THANK YOU SIR, CAN I 
HAVE ANOTHER? Comments, suggestions and healthy 
debate are always welcome. Flames? Thanks! I need to build a 
bonfire so I can roast a few weenies!
TIMESPAN/SPOILER WARNING: All episodes in Season 6. 
Fight The Future.
KEYWORDS: story angst slash Skinner Mulder NC-17
DISCLAIMER: Please see Part 1
His eyes finally fall on the barber shop sign.
"Well I guess I should face the music," he grimaces, running his 
hand through the rat's nest we both managed to make out of his 
hair. He starts to walk up towards the barber shop door.
"Yeah, you look like a member of some punk rock group," I 
tease, following along after him.
He gives me a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well I could say something here about not looking like 
'Mel Cooley', but I'll spare you," he replies, smirking. A small 
frisson passes through me when I remember the last person to 
call me Mel Cooley. I don't suppose Mulder is going to 
remember Robert Modell any time soon.
He stops for a moment and his brow furrows. His eyes become 
slightly unfocused for a few seconds and then he snaps back to 
the here and now.
"What?" I ask him.
"Pusher. I...the word just popped into my head," he replies, 
running a hand over his eyes.
I walk up and stand close to him, peering into his face.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, actually, I'm fine," he replies giving me a small smile. He 
holds out his hand to show me it's steady. "See, no shaking."
"Do you remember what Pusher means?" I ask carefully.
"It's a man, I mean Pusher was a person. I think he was 
involved in a case Scully and I worked on," he answers more 
decisively. "Yeah...I got a flash of that too for sure."
"Pusher 'was' a person - the name was a perp's alias. The guy's 
real name was Robert Modell. You and Scully brought him in," I 
inform him.
"Yes. That's definitely the feeling I got associated with the 
memory. Well...that's good. Uh...got him off the street, hey?"
"Big time. You and Scully were a good team, Mulder. Like I said 
- high solve rate."
He nods, still lost in thought a little. Then he shrugs it off. 
"Enough. We said no trips down memory lane. Let's get my 
ears lowered," he grins, slapping me on the back. I nod and 
continue to follow him into the barber shop.
The barber is a corpulent elderly man with a full head of wavy 
white hair. He makes no comment on Mulder's haphazard 
haircut. He merely grunts "Have a seat," indicating the chair 
when Mulder tells him he wants a haircut. The chair sits in front 
of a large mirror along one wall. It's your typical barber shop - all 
the tools of the barber's trade are set out on a work station-like 
shelf in front of the mirror. The prices are posted handily on a 
sign next to the mirror. So, Mulder's getting the standard haircut 
for either gold or agreed upon barter.
"How do you want it?" the barber asks when Mulder's settled in 
the chair.
"It would be good if it was all the same length," Mulder quips, 
glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
"No, really?" the barber dead pans and I bark a quick laugh.
"Here, maybe this will help," I suggest, reaching into the inner 
pocket of my leather jacket. I pull out my wallet and extract the 
photo of Mulder from inside. The barber takes it when I proffer it 
to him. He studies the photo.
"Can you cut it like that?" Mulder asks him, craning around.
The barber fixes him with a bland look.
"Does a bear shit in the woods? Yeah, I can cut it this way. It's 
not far from the mix-master look already now is it?" he replies, 
handing me back the photo.
Mulder is about to make another smart-assed comment but I 
give him the look and he holds back his words.
I slip the photo carefully back into my wallet and then my wallet 
gets tucked back into my pocket. The barber ceremoniously 
places a drape over Mulder's seated form, takes up his scissors 
and proceeds to salvage a disaster.
"So, what do you think?" Mulder asks me after we've left the 
shop and stand outside on the stone walkway. He runs his hand 
through his closely cropped spikes, an eyebrow raised in my 
direction.
"It's you," I dead pan.
"Oh thanks," Mulder grumbles looking off down the street.
"No seriously, it's fine. It looks just like the photo. I'm just 
yanking your chain."
He nods and grins a little at me.
"It's a hell of a lot better than that Joan Crawford look I was 
sporting earlier," he observes.
"You've got that right. Listen, you up for some shopping?"
"Sure. That the General Store down there?" he asks, pointing 
down the street.
"Yeah. Let's go," I nod and we amble down towards 'Jackson's 
Supply Depot'.
As we walk, side by side down the street, we pass the darkened 
Inferno Tavern. The Dark Horse is further down on the same 
side and a ways past the General Store. Evidently the Inferno is 
an evenings only place. This evening they'll be getting a lot of 
business since the Dark Horse will be closed for the party.
"So the Dark Horse is where we're going for lunch?" Mulder 
asks making conversation.
"Right," I reply.
"So I can meet your friends?"
"Audrey Reid, her husband Bill and her brother David," I reply 
glancing at him.
He seems lost in thought again.
"Is that a problem?" I ask, watching his reaction out of the 
corner of my eye.
"No...uh...I was just thinking that outside of you, I don't know a 
single soul on Earth...or off of it either, I guess. Sorry...I don't 
mean to be maudlin. It just struck me that's all. I'm a little rusty 
at the friendship thing," he answers, catching my eyes. The 
implication is heavy in his voice. He feels a little rusty with the 
idea of our friendship as well. I'm hoping I can make him realize 
he's doing really well at being my friend again, and I'm enjoying 
his company.
"These are good people Mulder. I think they're willing to 
consider us both friends. Don't worry about it. It'll be ok. You...I 
don't think you're too rusty. You're doing fine with the 
'friendship' thing as far as I'm concerned."
He touches my shoulder gently for just a moment and nods but 
makes no further comment for a few seconds. We walk on and 
then he speaks again, his voice more upbeat.
"Nice of them to invite us to the party."
"Yes, it was," I agree.
We finally talked about tonight's party at breakfast with Kurtz 
this morning. Kurtz has been invited as well. It sounds like it's 
going to be a good time. Mulder seems excited about attending 
it as well.
"Yeah, I guess all in all it'll be good to get out of the hotel room 
and socialize. If nothing else it might help me to remember 
more," he adds hopefully.
"There always is that possibility. Besides, the food at the Dark 
Horse is great and the music is fantastic. It really should be a 
good party."
Mulder nods and we walk on in companionable silence.
In Jackson's Supply we manage to find 2 pairs of jeans, a 
package of 3 Fruit of the Looms Briefs, a 6 pack of white 
athletic socks and 3 white Hanes T-shirts that will fit Mulder. All 
of it looks like it either fell off the back of a truck on Godwillin's 
main street or was bartered at some point. The clothing is 
serviceable though. The underwear at least is still in the plastic 
packages. The jeans are obviously recycled but they've been 
washed and aren't too worn. I only manage to locate one pair of 
jeans that will fit me. But I luck out finding a long-sleeved white 
shirt for myself and one in Mulder's size as well. I seize on an 
idea upon finding the dress shirts. I also buy two western string 
ties that are on a rack near the front of the store and two belts 
hanging nearby. If we're going to a party tonight the least we 
can do is look a little classy. I don't let on that I've purchased 
these particular sartorial items. I want to surprise Mulder later 
with them. Lastly, I also pick up some new Hanes T-shirts for 
myself. I guess, despite the haul, I will be asking Kurtz if I can 
use his laundry facilities. My jeans are definitely going to need 
washing.
Our last lucky find is a pair of steel tipped yellow Timberland 
work boots in Mulder's size. If he's going to be riding the bike 
he's going to need tougher footwear then the black Converse 
All-Stars sneakers he's currently wearing.
Our purchases made, we haul everything back to the bike and 
lock it all in the saddlebags. By this time it's almost noon. It's hot 
and I remove my leathers and lock them up in the luggage rack 
container as well. Both of us admit that we're growing hungry as 
we stow the clothing. We climb back on the bike and drive it the 
few short blocks it takes to find a parking place outside the Dark 
Horse Tavern.
I park the bike again and Mulder and I start to walk towards the 
tavern door. Just before we reach it, David Peabody opens the 
door and comes out.
"Hey, Skinner," he greets me heartily.
"David," I nod and smile at him.
"You going in to eat lunch?"
"Yeah, is Audrey serving it now?" I ask, glancing at my Timex. 
It's 11:45 - maybe she doesn't start serving until noon on the dot 
I ponder.
"She's started serving. I just finished. I had to eat early today 
because I have a rush job on for this afternoon. Have a bowl of 
the lamb stew. It's great," he suggests. He stops on the street in 
front of us and I watch him eyeing up Mulder.
"Thanks, we will. David, this is Fox Mulder. Mulder...David 
Peabody, Audrey's brother."
Mulder extends his hand and David takes it.
"Nice to meet you," Mulder says, nodding briskly.
"Same here. Glad to see you're up and around. Walter told me 
you had a rough time of it. You doing ok now?" David replies, 
shaking Mulder's hand firmly. There's genuine concern on his 
face, but also an appraising look. I know even though it may be 
unconscious David is sizing up what he considers the 
competition.
Mulder is studying him as well. He glances at me when David 
calls me Walter. He shakes David's hand in a friendly manner 
however, and his voice betrays no other idea than appreciation 
at his concern. 
"Thanks. I feel a lot better. I'm going to try to make that party 
tonight for sure. Thanks for the invitation."
David smiles then, showing his good humor once again as he 
releases Mulder's hand.
"Great. It's going to be a night I think. We're going to have a 
Zydeco band and I guess they do some rock as well. At any 
rate, I think you two will enjoy yourselves."
"I'm sure we will," I interject. I consider that we should bring 
Audrey a gift since it's her birthday. I'll have to give that a 
thought here while we're in town.
Mulder, as if reading my mind asks, "Should we bring a gift? I 
understand it's your sister's birthday."
David laughs. "No, don't bring her a gift. She pitches a fit. You 
know - she's one of those people who says 'Oh you shouldn't 
have' - and means it. Just show up and party hard. That'll 
please her the most."
"We can do that," I chuckle. Mulder's stomach growls suddenly 
and David bursts into laughter.
"Man, I'd better let you two go eat. Later. Nice meeting you 
Fox," he finishes, taking his leave.
I watch as Mulder frowns at the use of his first name. I clap him 
on the shoulder and his brow clears.
"Come on, let's eat," I smile at him. He returns the smile and 
follows me into the Dark Horse Tavern.
The place is moderately full with an early lunch crowd. Audrey 
is waiting tables and a younger man is tending bar this 
afternoon.
"Skinner," Audrey greets us, a smile on her face. "Take any 
available table, I'll be with you all in a second."
Mulder and I seat ourselves at a table set for two near the door. 
The AC feels good in here. It's on full force this afternoon. I sit 
down and stretch my legs out, flexing my thigh muscles in 
pleasure. I feel relaxed and a contentment that I haven't felt in a 
long time fills me. I really am enjoying myself. Just having 
Mulder back near me is a fantastic turn of events. It's not easy 
dealing with his amnesia but he does seem to be having flashes 
of remembering so I can only retain some optimism that he'll 
regain it all. Right at the moment I feel like anything is possible 
and my heart fills with joy at that prospect.
I tap my fingers on the table in a little tattoo, looking around the 
room and taking in the crowd. Mulder follows my eyes. I smile 
and turn to him again, stopping my drumming on the wood.
"Did you bring an antibiotic? You should still be taking them you 
know," I ask him pleasantly.
"Yes, Nurse Skinner," he chuckles, reaching into his pocket. He 
pulls out a little piece of folded up toilet paper. "As soon as I get 
something to drink it'll be down the hatch."
I smile at him again. I know I'm grinning like an idiot but I feel so 
damn good I don't care. I look around some more until I catch 
Mulder studying my face quizzically.
"What?" I ask him again, straightening in the chair and chuckling 
at the amused look on his face.
"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary or something, 
Skinner."
I laugh. "Well don't knock it, Mulder. I used to have the 
reputation for being a real taciturn son of a bitch. I'm showing 
you my better side. I hope you appreciate it," I reply, fake 
sarcasm teasing in my voice.
"Oh. I thought maybe you had gas," he replies, grinning wide.
"Yeah, well you used to give me gas, Mulder. But...I've learned 
to overlook your more contentious tendencies."
"So I was a pain in the ass on the job?" he fixes me with his 
intelligent hazel eyes and once again I feel a warmth in my groin 
that this time I let percolate there.
I trap his eyes and let him see in mine just a little of what I feel 
for him. It may be risky, but I'm going to test the waters. I'm 
gambling because I'm not very good at flirting or come-ons. I 
never was good. My methods usually consisted of growling 
"Wanna fuck?" in a guy's ear. But Mulder was a master at the 
tease. He could get me harder than steel just by looking at me 
with hooded eyes or running his tongue down over that full 
lower lip of his. Right now I'm trying to take a lesson from his 
book and be a little subtle. I hope to hell it works. I don't want to 
look like some love struck teenager on the make while I run my 
test.
So, I give staring into his eyes my best shot. I'm betting that his 
body will remember what his mind might not recall. I let my lips 
curl up in a tiny smile. He used to like that too - when I was 
hinting at smiling before I'd show him all my pearly whites. I see 
his pupils dilate. Bingo. All right, that's promising. His body is 
responding even though his face doesn't betray any idea that 
I'm trying to see if he remembers his attraction to me.
"You were a royal pain," I rumble still looking at him. "But it was 
why you were so successful at what you did on the job, Mulder. 
I wouldn't have had it any other way," I reply, leaning forward a 
little.
He continues to stare at me and I see him struggling with it now, 
the idea that he's experiencing arousal for a man. He lets his 
eyes roam over my face for a moment, confusion mixed with 
surprise, passing across his features. When he shifts in his seat 
I know why too. I want to rearrange things in my pants myself 
right now. But I don't - I'm afraid it will ruin the moment. Mulder 
speaks again and I concentrate on his voice.
"But...you must have known my private side...I mean known 
me socially as well...you said we were practically brothers...was 
I...well I guess I'm just asking if I was really a genuine friend to 
you. I'm sorry, that's probably a stupid question. You...obviously 
you like me or you wouldn't be helping me," he replies looking 
down with a self-deprecating shake of his head.
I reach across the table and gently touch the back of his hand. I 
feel a tremor in it when my fingers touch his skin. The touch is 
electric. His head snaps up and something passes across his 
face that makes me want to take him back to the motel room 
and fuck him senseless.
"Mulder, you were...in private you were..." just as I'm about to 
finish my sentence Audrey comes over to our table. Damn. I 
like this woman but right now she has really bad timing. I take 
my hand off his and sit back as she greets us.
"So, this must be Fox Mulder," she exclaims, patting Mulder on 
the shoulder.
Mulder blinks and turns his head away from me. His attention is 
instantly drawn to Audrey. He smiles at her and reaches out his 
hand. She withdraws hers from his shoulder and takes his 
outstretched hand, shaking it up and down vigorously.
"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Reid," he replies, slightly flummoxed 
by her easy friendliness.
"It's Audrey, Fox. Welcome to Godwillin. I'm pleased to meet 
you too. Skinner's told me a lot about you," she replies, letting 
his hand drop.
"It's...uh...I usually go by Mulder, Audrey, if you don't mind. And 
I hope Skinner hasn't been telling you what a pain in the ass I 
am," he grins over at me.
I look at him in amazement for a split-second. He's made the 
complete connection about not liking his first name so easily I 
almost missed the significance. I grin back at him and decide to 
join in the banter, my good humor elevated further.
"Only the usual - like what a picky eater you are - how you send 
food back to the kitchen routinely and..."
"You are so full of bullshit," Mulder laughs heartily. "You know I 
eat my meals like a starved dog. Audrey, I'm not picky. I'm 
ready to eat a horse here."
"Well we have lamb today, Mulder, how would that suit you?"
"David recommended the lamb stew," I throw in.
"I won't be modest - it's outstanding. My husband Bill's the cook, 
Mulder. He puts lots of vegetables in the stew along with the 
lamb. Would you each like a bowl? It comes with a big piece of 
corn bread, and iced tea this afternoon all for the price on the 
sign," she replies gesturing with her head towards the sign in 
back of the bar. The price is more than reasonable.
"I think that'll suit me fine," Mulder replies, nodding at her. 
"It'll work for me too," I add, smiling at Audrey.
"OK, coming right up. Oh - and you're both coming to my party 
tonight, right?" she adds, raising her eyebrows at Mulder.
"Wouldn't miss it," I reply.
"Good. I was hoping so. Otherwise I'd have had to do a little 
finger wagging at you."
Mulder chuckles and so do I.
"I'd like to thank you for inviting me," Mulder says.
Audrey looks down at him with gentle kindness in her face. She 
grows serious when she answers him.
"My pleasure. I just wanted you all to know that Godwillin's a 
good town...not one where...well where bounty hunters usually 
bring in their quarry and beat them senseless. We're not that 
kind of place, Mulder. I just wanted you to know that I guess."
Mulder nods and smiles up at her.
"I appreciate that, Audrey, everyone...everyone's been very 
kind..." he lets his voice trail off and he looks down at his hands. 
All of us are silent for a moment and then Audrey pats Mulder's 
shoulder.
"That's fine, hon. I'll go get your food," she whispers and then 
she heads back toward the kitchen.
Mulder sighs.
"Sorry, I kind of ran out of steam there," he murmurs.
"No problem," I reply, fiddling with the fork at my place-setting. 
Mulder looks like he has the weight of the world on his 
shoulders again. I straighten up again in my chair, and make an 
attempt to improve the mood.
"Look, Mulder. After the party tonight what do you say we have 
a good long talk? I'm pretty confident that you're not going to 
seize again..."
"I think I have control over it," he nods.
"I think so too. So what do you say we go back to the room and 
we'll see if we can jog your memory some more?"
I'm thinking we can go back to the room and hopefully I'll be 
able to explain how much I love him and want him to remember 
our relationship. Maybe...maybe that's what will bring the rest of 
his memories flooding back as well. I watch his face but I 
already know his answer.
"That would be great," he nods. "I'd...thank you," he adds 
quietly.
"Here comes Audrey with our food," I reply softly, as I spot her 
progress across the tavern. She's carrying two bowls and the 
iced teas on a tray.
Mulder cranes his head around and sniffs the air like a hunting 
dog.
"Oh man, that does smell good," he smiles.
xXx
I'm standing at the urinal in the can still contemplating the 
excellent meal and the great day we're having together as the 
door to the room swings shut behind me. Mulder just left the 
bathroom, whistling the theme from the Addams Family. I could 
hardly get my dick out to piss I was laughing so hard. Oh sure, I 
know, it wasn't that funny but...well I'm just basking in Mulder's 
company.
I finally get things underway, sighing as my piss stream hits 
porcelain. A guy comes in as I'm finishing up. I shake off, and 
tuck myself away. Once I'm zipped in again, I flush the urinal 
and turn around. It's one of Sheriff Garrity's deputies. I nod in 
greeting and he nods back as he passes me on the way to one 
of the urinals. He must be here for lunch as well I think as I 
wash my hands. There's a roll of paper towels on a shelf near 
the sinks. I rip one off and dry my hands. I toss the paper towel 
into the trash can on my way out the door.
As I'm coming back from the men's room, I see Sheriff Dan 
Garrity standing by our table talking to Mulder. A cold feeling 
crawls up my back. All the good vibrations I've been having turn 
discordant in a matter of seconds. I can tell Mulder is agitated. 
He's gesturing at the sheriff with both hands. I feel my jaw tense 
as I hasten my step. I reach the table just as Mulder is speaking.
"Well we can go right now, Skinner should be...oh here he is." 
"Mr. Mulder...you don't understand..." Garrity is saying.
"What's going on?" I ask looking from one to the other.
"Spender came out of it. He's asking to see 'Assistant Director' 
Skinner and only 'Assistant Director' Skinner," Garrity replies, 
looking pointedly at me first and then Mulder, his mouth set in a 
grim, tight line.
xXx
Mulder and I wait in Garrity's outer office area while Garrity, his 
two deputies and Dr. Laub take Spender from his cell to the 
small conference room they have set aside for interviewing 
prisoners.
Mulder is pacing, nervous energy radiating off him like a 
supernova. I'm seated on a bench along the wall, my head back 
against the plaster, rubbing my fingers up under my glasses.
"I wish I knew why he didn't ask to see me," Mulder mumbles 
for the third time in as many minutes.
"Mulder, I'll try to ask him, all right? Relax," I sigh, tilting my 
head forward again and readjusting my glasses on my nose.
Spender wouldn't talk to anyone else or divulge any further 
information after he gave up just the basics. It was almost 
name, rank and serial number according to Garrity. He really 
does want to talk to me and only me it seems.
"I mean you'd think after what happened..." Mulder mused.
"Mulder, sit down, please," I hiss, motioning to a spot next to me 
on the bench.
Mulder runs a hand over his mouth and traverses the space 
between us with a few quick strides. He plops down next to me 
and tilts his head back in imitation of my previous position. It's 
obvious my earlier tentative attempts to re-approach him in a 
more personal way have been at least temporarily forgotten. 
Gone is the boyish, fun-loving and yes, aroused Mulder of this 
afternoon. In his place is the obsessed, driven Mulder of the 
before times. The Mulder whose single-minded purpose was the 
X-Files and his quest for the truth above all else.
"I'm sitting, all right?" he replies, snapping the words off one by 
one.
"I'll try to find out as much as I can," I reply as neutrally as 
possible. "It's the best I can do. Laub said I can talk to him for a 
short time. You know he said he seems lucid right now but..."
"I know but...he could lose it again and 'zone out' as he put it." 
"Exactly. Then we might never get any more information out of 
him. So, I need to tread carefully."
"God, I'm sick of pussyfooting around this shit," he snarls, 
straightening up to look at me.
"You and me both at this point," I snarl back, glaring at him with 
equal impatience.
We stare at each other in annoyance for a few moments and 
then Mulder's shoulders sag.
"Oh hell. Skip it. I don' t mean to browbeat you here. It's just 
that...well you know. Spender's the only one that might be able 
to tell me about Atlanta...about what they did to my head."
"I'll find out all I can," I assure him again. He nods and Garrity 
comes back in the room.
"All right, Skinner, he's ready. Mulder...I'm sorry but I need to 
have you wait out here," Garrity brusquely tells us.
Mulder sags back against the wall, stretching his long legs out, 
settling in to wait without comment.
Garrity takes him in for a second or two and then inclines his 
head, motioning me to follow him. I slap Mulder lightly on the 
thigh and rise, walking away and through the door that leads 
towards the conference room.
We walk only a short way to a doorway on the left.
"Ok. Like Dr. Laub said earlier - he seems lucid right now. But 
watch your step. We don't know if he'll stay that way. But I 
suppose you know a lot about interrogation don't you?" Garrity 
ends his warning with a question. His face is tense and 
somewhat hostile.
"What does that mean?"
Garrity clears his throat.
"Spender finally agreed to come across with some additional 
information after my other deputy Randy told him we'd gone to 
get you. I was just in there getting an update for myself."
"And?" I ask, fixing him with a hard stare.
"Spender has admitted to his whereabouts over the last several 
weeks including the trip to Atlanta. I can also tell you he does 
seem to remember some stuff from the before times now. He 
insists he was FBI Agent Jeffrey Spender at one point and that 
he worked for you, Assistant Director Walter S. Skinner. I 
thought maybe he knew you because you busted him or 
something. But shit...you were his boss? Is that true, Walter?" 
Garrity asks me, sotto voice so they won't hear us inside the 
room.
I can tell he's angry. I left out this information and he thinks it 
may have a bearing on the case against Spender. If there were 
extenuating circumstances for his madness involving me he 
needs to know it. I'm sure he doesn't want to shoot Spender in 
the head if there's any chance now he can be rehabilitated 
somehow and I might be the key to the means.
"Dan, it's true. I was an Assistant Director at the FBI," I reply 
tersely. As ex-LAPD I'm surprised he doesn't recognize me 
quite frankly. I was on the news out there in Lotus Land more 
than once during local and national press conferences. "Didn't 
you ever see me on the tube? I wasn't always stuck behind a 
desk back in those days. I had to deal with the press on more 
than one occasion, both in LA and Nationally."
"Hey, I was a street cop. I didn't pay attention to what the dicks 
or the big boys in the upper echelon were doing with the feds. I 
had all I could do to patrol my beat. So no, I didn't catch your 15 
minutes of fame during some press conference. Besides...how 
different did you look back then, Walter? I'd bet you didn't wear 
biker's leathers on camera."
I sigh.
"Yeah, I guess you have a point there. Ok, yeah...Spender was 
one of my agents. He was also working with the architects of 
this brave new world, Garrity," I reply sighing.
"He was a collaborator?" he asks raising an eyebrow.
"Misguided, but yes. His father...Spender Sr. was a prime cog in 
the big wheel of colonization. Spender...Spender thought he 
was a chip off the old block. He was mistaken."
Garrity leans against the wall and folds his arms.
"Why didn't you tell me this before, Walter?" he asks quietly, 
anger still just below the surface of his voice.
"Because I didn't think it was important. I lost track of Spender 
Jr. years ago. I thought he was dead in point of fact. I don't 
know if that's a real memory or something I picked up during 
internment. In any event, I haven't seen Agent Spender in 
almost 7 years. I remember his father though. The last time I 
saw him I was putting a bullet in his skull outside Renton, 
Washington, when the last damn Mothership was leaving terra 
firma," I reply, bitterness weighing heavily in my words.
Garrity studies my face as I pin his eyes. We challenge each 
other for a moment and then he looks away and at the door.
"All right, fine. I wish you'd told us this before but I guess it might 
not have any bearing directly on this case. But obviously 
Spender has issues with you. He asked to see you specifically 
almost immediately after he came back to reality."
"I understand that. I'm perfectly willing to talk to him and I'm 
also willing to ask him the questions you want me to ask about 
the case," I reply.
"Good. See that you do. And Skinner - if I find out there's 
something you did to this man in the past that reduced him to 
this...this state...I'll...I'll have your ass in a sling," Garrity replies, 
resignation seeping into his voice. He relaxes fractionally and 
straightens up off the wall.
He's making a show of it now. I think he believes me but he's 
blustering to make sure I know he's serious just in case. He's 
hedging his bets. Fine. I can live with that idea. He needs to 
cover all the bases and if that means covering his ass too I 
guess he's justified in doing it out here in the wild and woolly 
West.
"I haven't seen Spender in almost 7 years," I reply doggedly. 
"Believe whatever you want. I didn't have anything to do with 
the fact he's crazier than a shithouse rat," I growl, drawing 
myself up, my back ramrod stiff.
I can still put on AD Skinner when I need to do it. My AD 
persona is very similar to the bad-ass muther persona that I 
effect on the road. It just wears a starched white shirt and wool 
power suit instead of tight, black leather.
Garrity raises an eyebrow.
"Well I guess I can believe the bit about your being an AD. All 
right. We'd better go in and see what Mr. Spender has to say 
before he goes 'shithouse rat crazy' again."
When we enter the room all eyes are upon us. Randy, the 
deputy, Dr. Laub who I did talk to earlier, and Jeffrey Spender 
stare at me. Someone dressed Jeffrey in a T-shirt and jeans at 
some point. At least he's not sitting here in his briefs. Spender 
attempts to rise up out of his chair and the deputy tries to push 
him back down. Spender's arms and legs are handcuffed by a 
chain to a leg of the table. The table is bolted to the floor. 
Spender struggles against both the deputy's hands and the 
cuffs.
"Sir, I don't understand why I'm being held. Can you explain that 
I'm...that I was...an FBI agent and I don't have a clue why..."
"Agent Spender, sit down!" I bark in command.
Spender rocks back and sits down heavily.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Now....if you'll stay calm we'll try to straighten this out. 
Can you stay calm, Jeff?" I add, taking a seat in the chair 
across from him.
"Yes sir, I can stay calm. Thank you sir," he sighs sagging back 
in his restraints. Then he looks at Garrity and the deputy. He 
turns back to me, a look of pleading in his eyes.
"Do they have to stay in here, sir?"
"Yes. Is that a problem?" I reply, watching his face. His eyes 
seem clear but he's sweating a lot even though it's air 
conditioned back here. He's obviously still under stress. I guess 
we will have to take this slowly.
Spender leans forward and replies in a quiet voice, "I don't trust 
them, sir...you know...my father...well...he has operatives 
everywhere."
Oh brother. Ok, so he doesn't know his father is dead. I also get 
the idea that he's not quite sure this isn't the before times. 
Maybe I'd better ask him to see if he's really as lucid as Laub 
indicated. 
"Jeff...these men are with me. I can vouch for them. You know 
the Bureau doesn't exist anymore, right? It was disbanded after 
the grays made their move in July of 1999."
Spender's brow furrows. He reaches up and strokes the scar on 
his forehead for a moment. When he lowers his hand again he 
answers.
"Yeah...uh...I knew that...but...you're still the Assistant Director 
right? I did report to you right?" he asks, his voice shaky. 
"It's all right, Jeff, he's still the Assistant Director," Laub 
interjects in a soothing voice. Spender looks down at his hands 
and releases a shuddering breath.
I look from the doctor to Garrity and shake my head to indicate 
I don't think this man is all here. Garrity tilts his chin toward 
Spender telling me he wants me to continue with the 
questioning. Ok, it's his funeral I think, shrugging.
"Yes, I'm still Assistant Director, Agent Spender. I just have...a 
few new men working under me. These men are loyal. You 
have nothing to fear from them."
Spender looks up at me, his eyes filled with the need to believe 
me.
"It's been difficult...I haven't been able to trust anyone in a long 
time. After Atlanta I wasn't sure I could ever trust anyone 
again," he replies.
"Suppose you tell us what happened with you and Agent Mulder 
in Atlanta, Agent Spender. That might be a good place to start," 
Garrity interrupts.
I give Garrity a stern look. I'd rather he didn't anticipate what I 
might want to ask Spender here. I wouldn't have mentioned 
Mulder's name at this juncture. I would have preferred to see if 
Spender mentioned it or insisted on referring to Mulder as Diana 
again. It would be a very clear indication of his mental state.
"Agent Mulder?" he whispers looking at Garrity. "Yes...I thought 
it was Mulder at first..." he lets his voice trail off and his eyes 
become a little less clear.
"Who did you find in Atlanta, Jeff?" I ask quietly. Spender 
refocuses on me and his face breaks into a strange beatific 
smile. 
"I found Diana in Atlanta," he replies, exhaling slowly.
"Oh brother," Garrity's deputy sighs.
"Shut up, Randy!" Garrity snaps instantly and the deputy gives 
him a contrite look.
Spender takes no notice of the exchange. He has a handcuffed 
hand pulled up onto the tabletop and he's running a finger back 
and forth over the wood in an absentminded fashion. He's still 
talking and he's addressing his meandering words to me.
"I never told you sir, that...that Agent Fowley and I 
were...together near the end there. I mean...lovers. I apologize 
for not telling you. Um...but she...she was uncomfortable...you 
know...it might be held against us by a lot of people and I just 
don't mean people at the Bureau."
Christ. Fowley was fucking him and his father? Evidently. I 
wonder if he knew his old man was doing her too? Mulder had a 
love/hate relationship with Diana Fowley for a long time. It 
changed to his despising her near the end. I wonder if that's 
what happened with Spender as well.
"You missed her didn't you, Jeff?" I prompt him in order to find 
out.
He stops running his finger on the table and looks up at me.
"I was dead without her," he whispers. "she...she's so beautiful 
you know. All that long, brown hair. I really love her hair."
Garrity tries to catch my eye and I studiously ignore him. I'm 
getting to the core of the matter here. The sad fact that Spender 
is really delusional and I'm not sure he's ever coming back from 
it. Whatever happened to him, either deliberate or accidental 
and left that scar, didn't leave much of the old Jeffrey Spender 
intact I'm afraid. It shouldn't take much to demonstrate my 
theory if Garrity will just let me stick to my line of questioning.
"Did you find her in a tank down in Atlanta? I mean was she in a 
cryopod?"
He nods slightly and replies, "She was so cold. She had...had 
one of those God damned tubes down her throat. I pulled it out. 
At first...you know at first I...well between her legs....I 
thought...but no...it was Diana. Later I knew it was her," he nods 
vigorously.
"So you brought her back here?"
"I had to get my stuff and then I was going to take her 
home...home...home to..."
he shakes his head a second and looks at Dr. Laub. "I still don't 
remember where I used to live," he comments matter-of-factly.
"It's ok, Jeff. We'll work on that bit. It'll be fine."
Spender swallows hard and continues.
"So, I brought her back here. She looked fantastic in the red 
dress. Just...great," he smiles at me.
"You loved her very much didn't you, Jeff?" I ask.
"I loved...love her..." his voice stops and his brow furrows 
deeply.
"What happened when you tried to show her you loved her, 
Jeff?" I ask in a neutral voice. This is the crux of the matter. I 
figure he was so zoned out he thought Mulder was Diana and 
when he didn't respond to his sexual advances he went off the 
deep end and went off on Mulder. I watch Spender's hands 
twitch spastically in his cuffs. They close slowly into fists as he 
answers.
"She...she didn't want to make love with me. She...I rescued her 
and...bought her the clothes...kept her safe and secure...and 
she...she wouldn't let me touch her. I mean what would you 
think if your lover won't...wouldn't touch you unless you held a 
gun to her head. She...Christ someone must have made her 
hate me."
"Jeff...it's ok," Dr. Laub moves forward a little to comfort him. 
Spender jumps and smashes his fist down hard on the table..
"IT'S NOT OK. SHE HATES ME. SHE....SHE MADE ME HIT 
HER, THE BITCH!" he shouts.
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Dr. Laub insists 
instantly.
"But..." I start to argue.
"No 'Buts', Mr. Skinner. This man is my patient," Laub snaps. "I 
will not have you agitating him this way."
I put my hands up in the air in a placating gesture as Laub 
reaches down for the medical bag he has sitting at his feet. 
Spender begins to rock back and forth in his chair as Laub 
opens the bag and brings out a syringe.
"Are you going to sedate him?" Garrity asks.
"Yes. I'm hoping when he wakes up again he'll be more 
tractable." 
Whatever, I think. Personally I'd just let him rock and drool. I 
don't think he's going to be much good for anything else even if 
he does come round again.
I get up out of my chair as Laub and the deputy move to steady 
Spender for the injection.
"Come on, Walter," Garrity shakes his head, indicating the door. 
I follow him. He opens the door and walks right into Mulder who 
was obviously listening outside. Shit.
"What the fuck?" Garrity exclaims.
"Whoa," Mulder grunts, dancing with Garrity for a moment as 
they nearly collide. I step back to give them space to extricate 
themselves and when I do there's an incoherent cry from the 
room behind us.
"Gggggod! DIANA!" Spender howls, his voice rising on Fowley's 
name. He begins to buck against both the deputy and Laub like 
a roped wild mustang.
"Hold him, hold him," Laub shouts nervously as he tries to 
position the needle.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR!" Spender 
continues to wail, spitting saliva out as he jerks violently against 
his chains.
"Jesus! Hold him still," Laub grinds out again.
"I'm trying," the deputy growls, yanking on the chains that bind 
the struggling Spender's arms.
Garrity is trying to push Mulder aside and back down the hall 
but quite clearly, my lover has lost it as well. His face is scarlet 
with anger and he's quickly shouting back at the top of his 
lungs.
"I'M NOT DIANA YOU CRAZY FUCKER! I'M MULDER. FOX 
MULDER!"
"I LOVE YOU! YOU...YOU'RE NOT...NOT...HIM!" Spender 
screams.
"OH YES I AM, YOU SICK FUCK! YOU GOT A GOOD LOOK 
BETWEEN MY LEGS. DID YOU SEE A CUNT THERE 
YOU..."
"MULDER! THAT'S ENOUGH!" I shout loudly bulling my way 
past Garrity to grab Mulder by the T-shirt. He stops yelling 
instantly and stands shaking in my grasp his chest rising and 
falling like a bellows.
"YOU BITCH. I HATE YOU!" Spender is raving behind us.
"Shut the fucking door!" I hiss at Garrity. He slams the door shut 
on Laub finally getting the needle into Spender's arm and 
shooting his sleepy time juice home.
Spender lets out a few more tremulous bleats of "DIANA!" and 
"YOU SLUT!" and then suddenly he's silent.
I turn Mulder around and take his arm, propelling him down the 
hallway.
"That was way out of line, Mulder. Way out of line," I bluster. 
Garrity follows us a step or two behind.
Mulder shakes off my hand.
"Leave me alone...'sir'. As you so succinctly put it before...the 
Bureau is defunct...you don't command me now. So, get off my 
back," he snarls, walking on ahead of me and out into the main 
room of the sheriff's station.
I start to follow him but Garrity takes my shoulder. I turn and 
confront him.
"Why don't you get him out of here, Walter. He's...he's strung up 
pretty tight himself. This can't be good for him. Take him 
someplace and let him cool down. Get his mind off things. 
We'll...we'll take care of Spender. When and if he comes back 
around we'll assess the situation at that point and decide what 
else can be done."
I nod at him, tired all of a sudden. Yeah, getting Mulder out of 
here is a good idea. We need to decompress, both of us, I think. 
My guts are wound up in knots as well.
"All right. Thanks, Dan. I hope Spender's salvageable. I really do 
mean that. He was a good man in the end. He tried to do the 
right thing even if it was too late."
"I understand. We'll keep him on ice."
I nod and turn to find Mulder.
xXx
Mulder isn't in the outer office area so I go on outside through 
the main entrance. He's out on the street parked right along with 
the Harley. We'd moved the bike over here when we came to 
interview Spender. Mulder's sitting on the seat, his head in his 
hands. As I draw near, he speaks.
"I lost it, didn't I?"
"I'm not going to minimize it, Mulder. You fucked up but good. 
Did you hear everything he said in there?"
"All of it," he sighs, straightening up. His eyes are haunted as he 
looks at me.
"Do you remember him untanking you now?"
"All of it," he repeats running a hand through his closely cropped 
hair.
"Do you remember anything else?"
He sighs.
"Flashes. I remember Scully being in some kind of tank too. 
But...that was earlier I think. It was as cold as a son of a bitch 
where she was..."
"Antarctica. You were both in Antarctica."
"Fuck me. Yeah...something about a bee sting," he replies 
looking off over main street. Waves of emotion pass over his 
face and then he shakes his head.
"Nothing else...not a single damn thing else," he whispers 
dejectedly.
I walk over and gently touch his shoulder. His head swivels 
back around and he stares at my hand. When he looks up into 
my eyes there's a question there. It's a question that right at this 
moment I don't think we'd better try to answer. I take my hand 
away and he looks down at the ground again.
"Look...forget it. I think Spender's a hopeless case anyway, to 
be brutally honest. We...we've found out pretty much all he has 
to offer in my opinion. So...just forget it," I sigh.
He nods, still clearly miserable.
"Ok, how about this?" I ask trying to make my voice upbeat. "I 
promised you a ride on the Harley. Come on...let's get a six 
pack of that bottled water we saw in the General Store and take 
a ride up the road," I offer.
"A ride?" he replies, looking back up, amusement mixed with 
amazement in his voice.
"Yeah, come on. I have something I want to show you," I 
answer. 
He shrugs and levers off the bike. We walk back to the General 
Store to purchase the water.
The bike roars up the highway, eating up the pavement, Mulder 
and I quiet as the wind blows in our faces. I drive past the gas 
station I passed on the way in to Godwillin and about 10 more 
miles up the road to a landmark I also passed on the way in. 
There's a fairly high outcropping of rock here, one of the few 
raised land features for miles around.
I steer the Harley into the shade at the base of the outcropping, 
brake, and cut the engine. Mulder climbs off the back, removes 
his helmet and looks around.
"Interesting rock," he observes sarcastically.
"The rock isn't what I wanted you to see," I reply quietly, setting 
the kickstand and getting off the bike.
"We need to climb to the top," I tell him walking off and not 
waiting for him to follow. The top of the outcropping is flat. You 
can see the plain below rather well from up there. I start to work 
my way up, using convenient hand and toe holds and rocks that 
act as natural stepping stones. I hear Mulder place the helmet 
on the seat of the bike and then his steps following me.
When we reach the top, I point off over the plain below as 
Mulder reaches my side.
"That's what I wanted you to see," I gesture, turning to gauge his 
response to the sight below.
Stretched out before us are lines carved into the desert floor. 
Lines in patterns that could be man-made but I know aren't of 
this Earth at all. Lines to guide. Lines that mark this patch of 
desert as a huge landing strip for one of the damn starships that 
came to Earth and abducted most of her population. I still 
remember the swirling lines of that landing strip in Renton, 
Washington. Those lines glowed bright the night I shot the 
cigarette smoking bastard and sent him to hell. I wonder about 
when these glowed at night too, I muse as Mulder surveys the 
gray's handiwork.
"Nazca lines," Mulder whispers.
"Something like that," I nod. Mulder expounded about the lines 
in Peru several times over the years so I know the reference. 
But those lines were ancient - maybe the markings left from an 
earlier visit as a signal that we were prime pickings. Whatever. 
These are a hell of a lot more recent.
"But these are recent," Mulder adds, echoing my thoughts.
"Oh yeah..." I let my voice trail off.
"Do you remember?" Mulder asks quietly as I stare off over the 
plain below.
"I remember," I reply quietly. "I remember being in a holding pen 
with at least a hundred other people. A hundred or more bodies 
pressed together. Everyone was terrified, myself included 
although...well you probably don't remember but I was a Marine 
years ago. Marines...soldiers hold it in, keep it buttoned up 
tight...so showing fear just wasn't something I was prepared to 
do. But I was as scared shitless as everyone else. Many people 
were quiet but just as many wailed continuously for lost loved 
ones. The din was terrible. The din and the smell of blood, urine, 
vomit and...well you get the picture. Christ. It was like 
something out of a painting by Hieronymous Bosch, or maybe 
one of those Bedlam engravings by Hogarth."
"At any rate, so many people were weeping. I remember one 
woman...a black woman...crying for her little girl. 
Somehow...somehow they'd been separated and she couldn't 
find her anywhere. I held that young mother's hand and she 
quieted a little. Comforting her helped steady me too. There was 
this kid as well - I don't know - about 16 years old. He'd lost it. 
He kept going on and on about 'Star Wars' and 'ET' and 
'Starman' - every stupid science fiction film about benevolent 
aliens he'd probably ever seen. He kept calling me Dad. "Dad, 
they're friendly, right?" He kept repeating that over and over. 
Finally some asshole asked him if he'd ever seen 
'Independence Day.' I hit the man. I just couldn't watch that kid 
vomiting on the ground and not give the dickhead some 
payback."
Mulder shifts next to me and I feel him take my hand gently in 
his. I grip his hand tight.
"So there we stood, pressed against the fence like cattle. Men 
and women, children, the old, the young...babies even, waiting 
and watching one of these landing strips glowing in a dark flat 
field within the confines of Fort Detrick, Maryland. I thought I 
could smell the sea a little but it may have just been wishful 
thinking. We weren't that close to the Maryland shore. When the 
crowd quieted I even thought I heard the sound of the ocean 
waves. I thought I heard the roar of the Atlantic anyway...until 
everyone started to look up. That's when I saw the lights and I 
knew it wasn't waves I was hearing at all."
"It was the ship?" Mulder whispers.
"Fucking transport ship, yeah," I breathe out. "It homed in and 
used that glowing landing strip to make a three point perfect 
landing, Mulder. Then the guards came - dozens of them - all 
armed National Guard soldiers. Somehow they separated us - 
mostly by using rifle butts. The old or very young, the infirm, 
they were all left behind in the pen. Those of us singled out were 
dragged off to the buildings there at Fort Detrick. I looked back 
and I saw that boy and the young black woman too still behind 
the fence. The woman...she'd found her little girl at last and she 
wouldn't leave her. The kid was only about three years old. So, 
the soldiers left her holding the baby close and they shut the 
gate. I watched while.. while the other people in the pen...the 
boy and that woman...the little girl..."
I can't go on anymore. I pull my hand away from Mulder and 
shake my head in negation of the memory. The memory of 
National Guard soldiers who I hope, to this day, weren't really 
human, opening up on unarmed United States civilians and 
mowing them down like animals. 
"Jesus," Mulder whispers. "And that's where...where they 
bioteched you?"
"Yeah, that came later, but right, Fort Detrick is where I became 
a better bionic man."
Mulder falls silent and just shakes his head.
"It's getting hot up here. I need a drink," I finish turning to leave 
the top of the rock.
Mulder follows me back down and we take refuge in the shade 
next to the Harley. I pull the six pack of water out of one of the 
saddlebags and pull two bottles off. I toss one to Mulder and he 
catches it deftly. Both of us twist off the caps. I sip mine first. 
"Sorry, it's a little warm," I apologize.
Mulder takes a swig of his.
"It's fine," he assures me. He hunkers down to sit, his back 
against the rock. I walk over and sit beside him. We drink some 
more water in companionable silence, me lost in my memories, 
and Mulder just lost in thought.
"Skinner, did you know that one of the first significant UFO 
sightings took place in New Mexico?" Mulder asks after a few 
minutes. 
"No, I didn't know that," I reply, finishing off the last of my water. 
I set the bottle beside me.
Mulder nods setting his bottle down as well.
"Socorro, New Mexico. April 24, 1964. Officer Ronnie Zamora 
heard a roar and spotted a flame in the sky. After speeding to 
the site, he saw an elliptical object with supporting legs in a 
gully. Standing near the craft were two humanoid figures. The 
beings noticed Zamora, quickly entered the craft, and took off, 
rising straight up in a blast of flame. After a roar the craft 
became silent and flew off," Mulder replies, reciting as if from a 
newspaper article, his old eidetic memory serving him in this 
instance.
I shake my head, "Too bad Officer Zamora didn't shoot the 
motherfuckers. It might have changed their minds about 
making another return trip," I reply with venom.
"They'd been coming here for a while. I don't think it would have 
mattered...Skinner," Mulder replies kindly, touching my 
shoulder. 
I turn and stare into his eyes. I see compassion for me there. 
Compassion and understanding.
"Walter," I murmur. "You used to call me Walter," I add reaching 
out to touch his face. He doesn't look away so I move in and 
press a gentle kiss to his lips. His lips are warm and a trifle dry, 
but God, they taste so sweet. I don't feel him stiffen up in 
protest, so I start to deepen the kiss. For a split-second he 
responds, his lips almost yielding to mine but then he gently 
pushes me away. I look in his eyes and see confusion mixed 
with dawning realization. Shit. I'm suddenly starting to flush with 
embarrassment. Damn it. I didn't mean to just move on him so 
fast...how...how could I..."
"I take it there's something else I need to remember," Mulder 
whispers as I look away, my ears growing red.
"I'm sorry...I guess...I guess it was my turn to be out of line," I 
mumble.
"Skinner...back in the restaurant I thought...well I thought you 
were coming on to me but...shit...I wasn't sure. I'm six years out 
of practice...with uh...either gender."
"Mulder..."
"You're going to tell me we were...together right. Like together, 
together," he chuckles nervously.
"We were lovers for 3 years," I state flatly.
I might as well get it all out. The fucking damage has been done 
here I think dismally. I can tell he's not ready for this little 
factoid. Here I was regaling him with the horrors of my early 
internment and now I'm going to regale him with romantic tales 
of our relationship. Christ I'm a total moron.
"Lovers..." Mulder mutters, studying my face. His face is 
unreadable.
I rise up from my sitting position at his side and walk over to 
stand by the Harley. I stand with my back to him so that I can 
get through the rest of what I have to say without betraying the 
raw need for him that's plainly on my face.
"Mulder I didn't bring you out here to tell you this right now. I...I 
was going to work up to telling you about us slowly, as you 
remembered more about your life in the before times. What just 
happened was...well it just happened. I couldn't help myself."
"I understand," he replies sympathetically.
I sigh. I don't want his sympathy. I want...Christ...I just want him. 
I press on with my explanation in the hopes that it will help 
smooth the incident over.
"I...I wanted you to see the landing field so that I could tell you 
that you were involved in fighting them, Mulder. Your pursuit of 
the truth regarding the grays was really what the X-Files was all 
about for the most part. We...you and Scully...you fought the 
good fight against men like Spender and Spender's father. It 
wasn't your fault that they helped the grays come and conquer 
us. You did your best, Mulder - right up to the end when they 
stuck you in that fucking tank and wiped me and Scully 
and...and all of it out of your mind. I just wanted you to know 
that Mulder .You were one of the good guys, and I...I was proud 
to know you. I'm still proud to know you," I reply, running out of 
steam at last.
I feel his hand on my shoulder.
"I told you once I was honored to call you friend. I meant it," he 
whispers.
I turn under his hand and face him again, studying his face. 
Friend. He wants to be friends...not lovers?
"Friends...but...nothing more?" I ask. He takes his hand away 
and looks down at the ground scuffing his foot in the dirt.
"I'll be honest with you, Skinner, and please don't take offense. 
Back there in the restaurant I thought...ok...I thought, here's 
where Mulder pays the man what he owes him, you know. 
Then when we drove out here I figured I'd be getting down on 
my knees again. Uh...sucking cock."
"Fuck that," I growl.
He shrugs.
My shoulders sag. Ok. He has a point I guess.
"Yeah, all right, I can understand why you might think that was 
the case. But you must realize that wasn't true now."
"I...I do realize it. I probably knew it really wasn't true at the time 
too," he replies quietly. "I know you're not the kind of man who 
would ever do anything like that to anyone. You're...you're not 
like Spender. I can't project what that maniac did to me onto 
you. It would be unfair," he replies, looking up at me again.
I can tell there's more he wants to say however. He's trying to 
put it into words.
"But..." I prompt him. His face is heavy with that particular word.
"But...I also can't be sure I can...I can do what you want me to 
do. I...I didn't even know I could...that I might like men," he 
replies looking away.
"If you were aroused before...it...it might have been your body 
remembering what your mind isn't recalling right now," I suggest 
carefully.
"I...yeah...I was turned on. I can't lie to myself there," he replies, 
letting out a shaky breath.
I can tell this is too much for him. He looks totally confused, 
guilty and upset that he's possibly hurting my feelings all at 
once. I can't let him twist in the wind that way. I need to head 
this off at the pass right now.
"Mulder, this isn't about 'doing' anything...that kiss 
notwithstanding," I assure him. He looks back up at me. "I...I 
took this too fast. I want to give you time to decide whether you 
even care about me that way anymore. I don't want to pressure 
you into doing anything you don't want to do. I won't touch you 
again unless you ask me. And if you never ask me 
then...well...I'll have to deal with it. Just...just give it some 
thought, ok? I...I really do love you. We...we had a good life 
together," I reply capturing his eyes. 
He nods, "I...I can think about it for sure. I appreciate you giving 
me my space. And...I'm sorry I'm not sure about things. I really 
do wish I could remember," he sighs.
"I know, Mulder...I know," I reply.
We both stand silently for a minute. Finally, I clear my throat. 
"OK. Uh...let's head back to Godwillin. We...we have a party to 
attend tonight."
"Sounds good," Mulder nods, smiling a little as I move to repack 
the Harley's saddlebag and get underway.
xXx
"Oh man..." Mulder breathes out fingering the white dress shirt 
between his fingers. He smiles shyly at me.
"I just thought...well... it's a party so we should both look good," I 
reply, quietly. "I got this too. They didn't have any loud silk ties 
I'm afraid," I add chuckling a little nervously. I hand Mulder the 
black leather bolo string tie. It has a wild mustang choke on it.
"You...shouldn't have..." he whispers, taking the tie from my 
hand.
"If you don't want to wear it..." I reply diffidently.
"Oh, no, I'm going to wear it," he replies, smirking. "This is 
great," he adds taking the tie and shirt over to the vanity mirror. 
"I just meant you didn't have to do this and it was a...a nice 
gesture."
I watch him stand in his new jeans and work boots in front of the 
mirror as he shrugs the shirt on and starts to button it up. I move 
over next to him, a little carefully so as not to crowd him at the 
mirror. I work on buttoning my own dress shirt.
I'm filled again with a joy I haven't felt in years as I watch 
Mulder admiring his reflection. I remember all the times we 
would get ready in the morning in my apartment in Villa Towers. 
His hogging the sink, the mirror, leaving everything a mess. I 
used to grumble at him constantly for leaving hair and shaving 
cream in my sink. God those were good times. It's great to have 
him leaving hair in my sink again.
Mulder finishes with the shirt and flips the collar up. The bolo tie 
goes over his head and gets adjusted on his neck by his 
dexterous fingers. When he has it to his liking he steps back and 
admires the total effect. It's impressive. The bruise on his face 
is healing nicely - it's mostly a mixture of yellows, greens and a 
few spots of red now. He looks much better all the way around. 
We took a quick shower when we returned to clean off the road 
dirt and when he walked to the shower there was no stiffness in 
his step at all.
I adjust the longhorn steer choke on my own bolo tie as Mulder 
turns away from the mirror to face me.
"So...what do you think?" he asks, spreading his hands wide.
"I think I look like a stud," I dead pan, taking one last glance at 
myself as I pull the bolo tight around my neck.
Mulder barks a quick laugh.
"You're so full of shit," he chuckles.
"Oh you meant how do you look?" I reply, smiling at him.
"Yeah. Is this me or what?" he smirks.
"Almost..." I reply a little more quietly. I reach over and gently 
adjust the choke on his tie so that it hangs straight. I want to let 
my hands linger on his chest for just a second but I remember 
what I said about not touching him. I pull back. "Now, it's you," I 
smile. 
Mulder smiles back with real warmth and then he turns and 
looks at himself in the mirror again.
"I guess the multi-colored bruise makes up for the loud silk tie," 
he quips to cover the emotion of the moment.
"You look fine. The bruise is healing. They always look like a 
Jackson Pollack painting when they're healing."
He laughs.
"Thanks. I'll have to remember that one. It's a good line. So, 
ready to go?"
"Oh, wait, I almost forgot the piece de resistance," I snap my 
fingers. The matching belts are still in my drawer. I stride over 
and pull the belts out bringing Mulder's over to him. He takes the 
belt, examining the wild mustang buckle that adorns it.
"I know there's a John Wayne joke in here somewhere," he 
grins wide. He looks down then and begins to work the end of 
the belt through the first loop in his jeans.
I smile at his evident appreciation couched in the joke. I can't 
trust myself to answer him. My voice will be too raw with the 
emotion I feel right now. I slip my belt on and fasten the 
longhorn steer buckle. I saunter over to the mirrored doors of 
the closet just to check out the effect.
"You have that down good, pardner," Mulder drawls watching 
my progress across the room.
"What?" I ask confused.
"That John Wayne walk," he smirks.
I just raise my eyebrow and turn again to check out my 
reflection. I sense rather than see Mulder come up beside me to 
check himself out as well.
"Now that's stylin'," he whispers, taking in both reflections in the 
mirror.
"Damn straight," I hiss, adjusting my belt. "I think we're ready to 
go."
Mulder nods and turns to head towards the door. I take my 
shoulder rig off the table by the window.
"You're bringing your gun?" Mulder asks from in front of the 
door. 
I consider the question. I very seldom go unarmed anymore. 
I've learned the hard way that it's not advisable.
"Yeah, I guess I will. Better to be safe than sorry. You want the 
Bowie knife? You can strap it on your belt."
"Man you must think this'll be some wild party," he chuckles.
I scowl at him.
"OK. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I'll get the knife out of the closest," 
he grins.
"You'll want your own gun, Mulder. Maybe we can look into 
getting you a piece tomorrow."
He takes the knife out of the closet and nods back inside.
"What about the Remington? I think I could get used to carrying 
the rifle."
"That's an idea. You want to take it tonight?"
Mulder thinks a second.
"No. I think I'll let you take care of the heavy weapon 
department this evening Mr. Wayne. I'll keep a low profile," he 
smiles, unbuckling his belt in order to strap the knife sheath on.
Once we're both armed I grab my leather jacket from the chair 
and pull it on. I have the room key and my wallet in one of the 
pockets. I figure I'll show Krycek's photo around at the party a 
little if opportunity presents itself. You never know. Someone 
might recognize the bastard.
"You'd better lean in close on the bike tonight, Mulder, it's going 
to be a little chilly without a jacket," I tell Mulder as we're exiting 
the room.
"Yeah, I will," he replies looking across the parking lot. "Is that 
Kurtz?" he adds, craning to look.
I finish locking the door and swing around to see. It is Kurtz. 
He's standing outside the office with the short dark-haired 
woman who cleaned our room earlier. The maid. They're in a lip 
lock, sucking face like there's no tomorrow. I bark a loud laugh.
"Looks like he's getting maid service," Mulder laughs along with 
me.
"No shit," I reply, watching as they break apart. The woman 
strokes his shoulder once gently and then goes into the office 
leaving him standing looking rather dumbstruck.
When he looks up he spots us and heads on over. We meet him 
about halfway between the office and our room.
"So, you all heading over to the Dark Horse?" he asks when he 
reaches us. He's all kitted out himself. Clean jeans, a clean blue 
work shirt and a sports jacket. He's shaved too, and on his feet 
are a pair of spit polished snakeskin cowboy boots.
"Yeah. You partying early?" I tease, gesturing with my head 
back towards the office.
He blushes like hell and I laugh, slapping him on the back.
"Oh man..." he coughs. "Uh...yeah. That's Mary Whitefeather. 
She went in to say good bye to her brother while I get the car. 
Her brother's taking care of the office tonight and she's coming 
along with me. I guess you met her when she came to clean 
your room."
"We did," Mulder grins at him. "She's Native American?"
"Right. Navajo. We've been seeing each other for a while 
now...I mean socially."
"I guess so," I laugh.
"Hey...cut me some slack, you two. She's a good woman. I...I 
asked her to marry me tonight - so let's not hear any more snide 
comments," he grins wide at us.
"Son of a bitch," I laugh harder, slapping him on the back again. 
"You dog."
Mulder laughs and takes his hand, pumping it up and down, 
"Well now we'll have two reasons to party hearty tonight."
"Ah, shit," Kurtz blusters under the attention.
I watch his eyes dance. He really is happy and I'm happy for 
him. In the back of my mind that CC of blood comes up again 
but I shake off the thought quickly. Under the circumstances he 
may never use it now. Well, he can always sell it and give his 
new wife a secure future with the profits.
We all laugh for a few more minutes and then Kurtz regains his 
breath and speaks.
"You all want to take my car over to the tavern? It's just an old 
Volvo but it runs."
Mulder glances at the Harley and then back at me. He grins a 
little. No, I think we're taking the bike. My man is starting to feel 
the need for speed.
"No, I think we'll take the bike," I smile back at Mulder. "You 
want to try driving it tonight?" I toss at him.
"Yeah?"
"Sure," I smile.
"Great, I'll go...give her the once over...you know...familiarize 
myself with the controls again," he enthuses.
I nod.
"Later, Kurtz. And congratulations," he shoots over his shoulder 
as he turns and jogs back over to the Harley. I watch him go, a 
very soft feeling in my chest.
"You told him didn't you?" Kurtz asks quietly as I watch Mulder 
checking out the bike. I turn and catch Kurtz's eyes.
"What?"
"You told him about the two of you, didn't you?" Kurtz clarifies. 
I raise an eyebrow and let my lip curl up just a little in a small 
grin of acknowledgment.
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"Because you're not wound up like a watch spring anymore. 
You're a hell of a lot more relaxed, big man. I just figured you 
know...you got some."
I look away from him and over at Mulder again for a second, 
embarrassed at Kurtz's directness. Well after all I was giving 
him the business about tonsil diving with his woman. I guess 
he's got a right to assume.
"Oh...sorry...maybe I shouldn't have..." he starts to apologize 
noticing my discomfort.
"No, it's ok. Uh...we're still working on things in that area. 
But...yeah I told him. He took it well. Now...I think he just needs 
his space to think about it," I reply, looking back at him again. 
"Ah...well...I'm sure he'll come around. I can tell by the way he 
looks at you he likes you a lot. I'm sure after a while he'll 
remember and then things will take their uh...natural course," 
Kurtz replies, slapping me on the shoulder.
"Thanks. Yeah, I'm optimistic."
"Good. Power of positive thinking. He looks better too, you 
know. The bruise looks like it's a lot less sore."
"He's doing good," I reply, nodding. "I'd better go make sure he's 
doing ok with the bike. If he's going to drive us tonight he's going 
to need a few tips," I chuckle.
"I hear you. All right then. Mary and I will see you over at the 
Dark Horse."
"Later," I reply as he leaves my side.
I turn to walk towards Mulder, taking the key to the Harley out 
of my jacket pocket.
"Hey, you're going to need the key to start her up," I call over to 
Mulder where he's seated on the Harley's saddle looking at the 
ignition in bemused confusion.
xXx
Mulder manages to get us to the Dark Horse Tavern without 
ditching the bike. I have to admit he did rather well with driving 
her. Next time we'll take her out on the highway and really let 
her rip. I was going to grip the saddle to hold on during the ride 
but he told me it was all right to hold his waist. He said it would 
cut down the chill and he was right from a practical sense of 
course.
Holding him close felt marvelous and the warmth I felt wasn't 
only the warmth of our bodies. It wasn't strictly a sexual heat 
either. No, it was the warmth of being alive and just together 
with the man I love even if he's not sure he remembers what we 
had together. He's acknowledged our friendship and that counts 
for a lot. Like I told Kurtz, I'm optimistic the rest will come in 
time - even his understanding about the nanocytes. 
Tonight....tonight everything's just about perfect. I'm on top of 
the world.
We pull up in front of the Dark Horse and Mulder starts to brake 
the bike as he looks for a parking spot. There are quite a few 
vehicles outside the brightly lit tavern. Cycles, trucks. We both 
spot Kurtz's Volvo directly in front of the Tavern.
"It looks like he left us some room," I point indicating where the 
car is sitting to one side of the parking space.
"Sure does. Should I back her in?" Mulder shouts over the still 
rumbling engine.
"Yeah, go for it," I call into his helmeted head.
He makes a slow half circle and backs the bike up gradually 
until we're even with the small curb that borders the stone 
walkway. He applies the brake, cuts the engine and the Harley 
falls silent. He puts down the kickstand.
"Not bad, Easy Rider," I rumble into his ear.
"It's all in the hands," he laughs, making a cranking motion with 
both wrists.
I chuckle and let go of his waist, climbing off the bike. We can 
hear the music now - Cajun Zydeco. It's loud even through the 
closed doors of the Dark Horse. The place is really jumping.
"I guess we're not too early are we?" Mulder asks, looking up 
and down the street at the assembled guests' transportation.
"No danger there. It sounds like the place is really hopping," I 
answer heading towards the door.
Mulder hesitates a moment, hanging back on the sidewalk. I 
turn back around and walk to where he stands.
"Is something wrong?"
"No. Not at all. Uh...I was just thinking, you know...this is nice, 
being out," he answers shyly.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing," I reply and before I think 
about it I reach out and take his hand in mine. He glances down 
and I drop it when I realize I just broke my own rule. "Shit. 
Sorry. I..." 
"No, it's ok. Christ. I probably should learn to stop jumping out of 
my skin every time you touch me casually. I mean...hell...at 
least in your memory we had a history. This has to be difficult 
for you, Skinner. It's awkward for us both and I can't tell you 
how..."
"Don't worry about it," I hasten to assure him. "I'm doing fine 
and I don't get a sense of you jumping out of your skin. You're 
naturally reticent and nervous. It's logical. I appreciate you're 
being so understanding. Just give it some time. I don't have any 
expectations. Let's...let's just forget about the issue tonight and 
concentrate on having a good time."
He straightens his shoulders and smiles.
"Sounds like a plan. Let's do it," he replies.
"Now you're talking," I slap him on the back and we both head 
for the door.
"Skinner, Mulder, over here!" Kurtz calls from a table not to far 
from the door. Mary Whitefeather is seated next to him and 
both of them are waving at us.
There's about 200 people in the Dark Horse and the AC is 
cranked up tonight to keep up with so many warm bodies. Hell I 
knew Audrey was a great person. Obviously I'm not alone in 
that opinion. The music is loud and festive and people are 
dancing up near the stage. I can see Audrey herself with her 
husband right up near Dexter's band, holding each other as they 
sway to the Cajun sound. The bar is doing gangbuster business. 
Yeah, this looks like a hell of a party. Perfect.
Mulder and I push through the crowd and over to Kurtz's table. 
"Thanks for saving space for us outside too," I laugh.
"Hey when I got here and saw all those cars I figured you all 
could piggyback on my spot with that hog. How was the drive?" 
he laughs looking at Mulder.
"Professional," Mulder shoots back, grinning.
"Yeah I didn't see any road rash so I figured you done good, 
son," Kurtz replies.
I extend my hand towards Mary Whitefeather, "I understand 
congratulations are in order, Ms. Whitefeather."
"Oh hell, where are my manners? Mary Whitefeather this is 
Walter Skinner and Fox Mulder. Gentleman, the woman who 
has graciously agreed to become my wife," Kurtz smiles wide, 
making the formal introductions.
"Despite the lapse in manners," Mary jokes good-naturedly, 
smiling with love at her fiancee as well. "It's nice to meet both of 
you." 
"Enchanted," Mulder smiles taking her hand and kissing it.
"Oh brother," I mumble, as Mary laughs musically and Kurtz 
practically spits the beer he's drinking out on the table.
"Mr. Mulder, you certainly have charm, I'll give you that. That 
little demonstration deserves a dance, in my humble opinion. 
Would you do me the pleasure?"
"I'd be honored - if you don't mind the fact I haven't been 
dancing for over 6 years and may trod on your feet quite 
abominably." 
"Oh, I'm used to that," she teases, giving Kurtz a pointed look. 
Kurtz gives her a 'Who me' expression and laughs as she turns 
back towards Mulder. "I'll make allowances."
"In that case," Mulder replies, "the dance floor awaits."
Mary rises from her seat and walks over to join Mulder. She is 
short, coming up to his shoulder. Mulder takes her hand in his 
and looks down at her with an odd pensive expression on his 
face. Mary furrows her brow and glances at me and then Kurtz 
for reassurance. Kurtz shrugs. The band is just launching into 
'Back Door' by Queen Ida & Her Zydeco Band.
"Mulder, the band's changing songs...this is a good one," I 
prompt.
"Huh? Oh sorry, I was just thinking...thinking of someone else I 
danced with once."
Mary smiles. "Blonde, brunette or redhead?"
"Redhead actually. But...she was...rather like you. Petite, I 
mean," he answers quietly.
Mary glances at me again and I smile gently at her. I don't know 
what else to say.
"Well if she was about my size, you can't be as bad a dancer as 
you let on. Come on, Mulder, let's give it a shot."
Mulder refocuses and smiles wide, "Ok, Mary. You lead."
Mary laughs loudly as they head off into the crowd.
"I'm not letting you off that easily," I hear her tell him as they 
disappear.
"Shit I forgot to ask him what he wants to eat and drink," I 
grumble as I take my leather coat off and hang it over the back 
of one of the chairs. I sit down and face Kurtz across the table.
"The waiter will come around. We ordered the chicken dinner. 
Beer's good tonight. They actually had a truck come through 
carrying beer, soft drinks and such. Audrey bought some of 
everything I gather. It'll probably all get drunk up tonight so we 
better enjoy it while we can."
"Well he's off alcohol until the doctor sees him tomorrow 
because of the kidneys..." I begin to explain.
"We've got iced tea, lemonade and assorted soda," a voice 
interrupts me from behind.
"David!" I smile, craning around as David Peabody walks 
around to the side of the table. He's wearing a bright red 
checked apron and I burst out laughing.
"Now, now, no cracks about the apron. Audrey put me to work 
until midnight because we were short on waiters until then. This 
comes with the job."
"I won't say a word," I chortle reining it in as best I can.
"Where's Mulder?" he asks glancing around.
"Dancing with my wife to be, the gigolo," Kurtz laughs, taking 
another swig of his beer.
"Damn! You popped the question!? Holy shit, Sam. 
Congratulations!" David replies, enthusiastically. He steps to 
Kurtz's side and pounds him on the back almost causing him to 
choke again on his beer. "Wait till I tell Audrey."
Kurtz nods, trying to get his breath, "Well don't spread it around 
too much. This is Audrey's birthday party. I don't want to 
suddenly become the center of attention."
"Got it. Ok. I'll keep it quiet. But good job, my man. Great 
news."
"Thanks David," Kurtz ducks his head, reddening a little.
"So, what are you all having?" David replies getting down to 
business at last.
"Another couple of beers for Mary and I. Skinner?"
"Chicken dinners for Mulder and I, I guess."
"Ok. And to drink?"
"Beer for me and...do you have Diet Coke?"
"Alas no - only Coke Classic. I tried some - it's still drinkable."
"Coke Classic for Mulder, then."
"Ok. Coming right up. And Walter...when I'm off at midnight I'm 
holding my dance card open for you...so don't leave ok?" he 
smirks at me. I raise an eyebrow but before I can answer he's 
gone. Oh man...that...that could prove to be very awkward.
"Oh oh," Kurtz interjects, sitting back in his seat, a knowing grin 
on his face. "Looks like David's taken a liking to you."
"So everyone in town knows that kid is gay?" I ask him 
pointedly. 
"He's not ashamed of it. Hell...he and Dexter were lovers for a 
long time. To tell you the truth I think they'll get back together. 
They just had a stupid argument over Dexter's comment that he 
might want to go back to New Orleans. They were pretty tight 
and they've stayed on friendly terms. So, I wouldn't worry about 
his hitting on you...I don't think he's that serious."
I look down at the table. "He's a nice kid," I answer 
noncommittally.
"He's a great kid. So dance with him, Walter. It ain't gonna kill 
you."
I look up and smile a little, "Yeah I guess you're right. I'm not 
embarrassed about what I am either Sam. It's just that...well I'm 
not sure how Mulder will take it."
"David's polite. I'll lay odds he'll ask Mulder's permission first. 
And who knows, that might give Mulder some ideas in the right 
direction anyway," Kurtz winks at me.
I chuckle.
"Maybe so. Well anyway, I'll take it under consideration," I reply 
looking past him over his shoulder. "At the rate Mulder's 
swinging your woman around out there I'd imagine we'll be 
staying on for more dancing until at least midnight."
"Say what!?" Kurtz barks, craning around to spot Mary and 
Mulder out on the dance floor.
"Gottcha, buckaroo. Mary's been leading for the last five 
minutes. Mulder doesn't have a clue how to dance to Zydeco," I 
laugh.
xXx
Midnight comes quicker than I would have thought it would. But 
time does pass quickly when you're enjoying yourself with 
friends. And I consider these people my friends now for sure. I 
think Mulder does too. We've spent a fantastic couple of hours, 
drinking, talking and eating with Kurtz and Mary Whitefeather. 
We're all getting to know each other and it's a great pleasure.
Mary in particular has been marvelous, taking the time to dance 
with Mulder and then me as well to make us feel welcome, 
liked, and comfortable. Mulder is really starting to come out of 
himself. I can see lots of flashes of the old Mulder shining 
through as he shakes off the general malaise that's been 
plaguing him since I found him again. It's wonderful to see him 
laughing and joking. I find myself just watching him at the 
exclusion of all others so as not to miss his new outlook on life.
Audrey and her husband Bill stop by the table twice and sit 
down to spend some time with us. I even squire Audrey out onto 
the dance floor for a turn during 'You Ain't Nothin' But Fine' by 
Rockin' Sidney.
Now, as midnight nears, the band is playing some smoky blues 
numbers. Slow dancing music. Couples are moving out onto the 
dance floor and everyone's getting close. I watch the couples 
swaying together on the dance floor and glance at Mulder. No, I 
don't suppose he'd like to dance. There are several same sex 
couples out there. Men and women and no one seems to be 
taking any notice. I could ask him but, maybe it wouldn't be 
appropriate since we're trying to keep things low key here. I sigh 
a little and take a sip of the iced tea I've switched to drinking.
"Well Mary, I guess this is our cue," Kurtz smiles blearily at his 
fiancee as the band begins the next song. I don't recognize this 
number but it's certainly sultry. Kurtz is a little drunk now. He 
clearly wants to press the flesh with his lady love. I smile 
inwardly. He's really got it bad. 'He's' got it bad? I'm the one 
mooning over Mulder here.
Mary glances at me very pointedly and then at Mulder. Mulder's 
watching the dance floor with interest. She turns her attention 
back to Kurtz.
"Maybe we should sit this one out, Sam," she smiles at him.
Kurtz observes her pointed looks.
"Hey, Skinner?" he slurs at me.
"What, Kurtz?" I grin at him.
"Give me a break, big guy. You'd better ask your man to dance. 
If you don't I'll never get Mary out on the dance floor."
I almost choke on my iced tea. Mulder has to slap me on the 
back. Mary is mortified and punches Kurtz on the arm hard, but 
the ex-resistance fighter merely laughs like hell.
"Christ, Kurtz," I bluster caught completely off guard.
"Hey, sorry...but I'm desperate here. Come on, Mulder...help 
me out. You've been dancin' with her more than I have tonight," 
Kurtz chuckles getting his laughter under control.
Mulder laughs and slaps me on the back again.
"Well who am I to stand in the way of true love," he replies. 
"Come on, Skinner, we'd better haul our butts out there or Kurtz 
will never let us live it down."
I stare at him totally speechless for a moment. Then I find my 
voice again.
"You...you'd dance with me?"
"Sure. Come on," he answers quietly, standing up and 
stretching out his hand.
I stand up, as if in a dream, and take his hand.
"I promise not to step on your toes...much," he grins at me.
"Don't worry, you won't. I'll lead," I whisper, turning slightly and 
pulling him gently behind me towards the dance floor.
I hear Mary hissing at Kurtz as we walk away.
"You're lucky that turned out the way it did or you'd be sleeping 
in the office tonight."
Kurtz laughs and then she does too and I hear them getting up 
from the table to follow us onto the dance floor.
I lead Mulder into the middle of the crowd of bodies that is just 
beginning to sway to the music. We lose track of Kurtz and 
Mary fairly quickly. We stand and face each other for a 
moment. I'm holding his hands but suddenly I'm nervous and 
reluctant to pull him close into my arms.
"You're making me break my promise," I tell him.
"Promise?"
"About touching you."
"Ah...well I gave you tacit approval," he grins a little.
"You sure you're all right with this?" I ask him, studying his face.
"Yeah...I...it's fine," he nods, shifting closer.
I pull him to me then, and place one hand on his waist. We start 
to move, shuffling at first so he can get the idea of letting me 
lead and then we shift into a classic box step which he seems to 
be able to handle. We sway together, not speaking just enjoying 
the music and the feeling of moving together for a few seconds. 
I feel him press closer and take a chance at putting both my 
hands on his back. I keep them up high though, in neutral 
territory...and I keep them very still.
Mulder sighs and melds against me, placing his head next to 
mine so that our cheeks are touching. I can smell the clean 
soap smell of his hair.
"I...I'm surprised you'd dance with me," I manage to croak out 
quite honestly.
"So am I," he answers equally as honestly. "But it seemed like 
the thing to do since you clearly wanted to be out here."
"Oh, I did?" I rumble, raising an eyebrow at his brash statement. 
"Yes. You'd been sighing over the couples on the dance floor 
since they started the first slow dance. I noticed it. I couldn't let 
you pine any longer," he replies, teasing in his voice.
"I see," I grin a little and rub my hands on his back slightly. I feel 
him respond by doing the same on mine, tentatively, as we 
move together.
"Besides that...I couldn't leave Kurtz hanging."
I feel him smirking against my cheek.
"Smart-ass," I growl.
He chuckles, "Yeah, but at least I'm not stepping on your toes." 
"Thank you," I whisper, letting my words have more than one 
meaning.
"My pleasure," he answers letting his voice mean more than I 
could ever hope to hear.
I sigh and we shuffle around together again as the song comes 
to an end. When the last strains of the song play out he gently 
pulls away from me and clears his throat.
"Uh...thanks. This was good. Really," he mumbles
"Yeah. I appreciate you doing it," I reply, still holding onto his 
hand.
He nods again, suddenly shy and awkward.
"Let's go back to the table," I reply, releasing him completely. 
"Ok," he replies, turning to walk back through the crowd.
At that point it becomes apparent that the band is going to take 
a break and everyone goes back to their tables or the bar to 
tank up for the rock and roll set that Dexter promises will be 
coming up next before he leaves the stage.
When we get back to the table Mulder and Mary Whitefeather 
leave to go to their respective restrooms. I'm left at the table 
with a rather inebriated Kurtz.
"I thought you'd shit when I suggested you dance with Mulder," 
he laughs as soon as Mulder and Mary are out of ear shot.
"I'm an armed man, you asshole. You took a big chance," I 
growl but with good humor. He chuckles.
"But ya liked it didn't ya?" he asks.
"Yeah. It was...good," I grin.
"Damn straight. Feels great, dancing with the one you love."
"I can't argue."
"Did he let you hold him close out there?" Kurtz asks, leaning 
close and whispering conspiratorially.
I laugh.
"You're a pervert, you know that Kurtz."
"Ah...I'm just in love myself, guy. I want to see everyone as 
happy as I am right now."
"You're drunk," I reply, yanking his chain a little.
"That too, but hell...this is a party, my man. You're feeling ok too 
right? Especially when your honey was holding you tight out 
there," he suggests, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Shit...all right. Yeah, he let me hold him while we were dancing. 
Why do I feel like I'm back in high school I think looking into 
Kurtz's laughing eyes. Well hell - there isn't often a lot of joy in 
this brave new world of ours. I guess he deserves to have some 
fun and bask in both his love for Mary and his hope that two 
new friends are going to experience the same glorious feeling. I 
hope he's right. I hope Mulder and I are working towards 
something here this evening. Mulder seems to at least be willing 
to make the effort. I can't criticize Kurtz for trying to move 
things along either I guess.
"Damn, this is fantastic," he laughs. "Stick around and I'll have 
you two rockin' and rollin' later tonight for sure," he enthuses. 
I shake my head in amusement. Christ, just what I need - a 
male matchmaker. As I'm shaking my head, Mary Whitefeather 
comes back to the table.
"Is he giving you a hard time, Walter?" she asks in sympathy as 
she takes her seat next to Kurtz.
"I'm being good," Kurtz laughs hugging her.
"Oh, I'm sure. And to make sure you continue to be a good boy 
I caught the waiter and ordered you a Coke," she laughs, patting 
him on the back.
"Ah honey..."
"Now...you know what alcohol does to you, baby," she winks at 
me. "If you want to have fun later, you're going to have to lay 
off the beer," she teases.
"Oh shit woman..." he blusters, reddening. I laugh loud.
"Hey..." he chuckles giving me the finger.
"Payback's a bitch," I grin at him and then he laughs long and 
loud.
As Kurtz is laughing Mulder comes back to the table with a tall 
blonde woman I don't recognize and she kisses him on the 
cheek.
"Thanks sweetie. Maybe we can do it again later."
"We'll see, Lureen. It kind of depends on my friends here," 
Mulder replies, smiling.
"No problem, honey. It was nice talking to you anyway," Lureen 
replies. She gives us all a little wave and backs off through the 
crowd heading towards the bar.
Kurtz starts to laugh and Mary punches him in the arm.
"What?" he asks bewildered.
I fix Mulder with a scowl.
"I thought you went to the can," I rumble at Mulder.
He gives me a sheepish look.
"I did. But on my way back I ran into David Peabody and 
Lureen. Lureen's a friend of his and Dexter's I guess. Anyway, 
David suggested I talk to her so..."
"Uh huh," I reply.
"Well I couldn't be rude. She wanted to dance with me later."
"Do tell," I reply, raising an eyebrow.
He gives me a terribly contrite look and I can't let him think I'm 
jealous any longer. I burst out laughing.
"You should see your face," I laugh at him.
"Damn..." he blusters and then he laughs as well. "Hey, I 
thought I was being a prince there...and besides I have to 
practice so I won't squash Mary's feet again the next time we 
dance."
"Slack back son, you're still recuperating," Kurtz advises sagely. 
He may be a little drunk but the guy's not slow on the uptake.
"Yeah, Mulder. Why don't you sit down and rest a while. I'm 
gonna go to the can and then we can think about going back to 
the motel." 
Mulder frowns a little but nods, "I guess you're right. I hate to go 
but I am starting to feel a little zonked."
"Well, maybe we can stay a little longer - if you sit down for a 
while," I admonish him.
"Yes, Nurse Skinner," he replies taking his seat at the table. 
"Asshole," I mock growl as I head off towards the men's room. I 
hear Mulder's laughter behind me.
As I'm walking to the men's room it occurs to me that David 
expects me to dance with him soon as well. I guess we'll stick 
around for a while but if he doesn't show we're outta here. I 
really would like Mulder to get a good night's sleep. Dr. Singh 
will be by tomorrow to see him.
I reach the men's room and go in. All the urinals and the stalls 
are occupied. I move to the sink and wash my hands until one 
of the urinals is free. I finally get to take my piss, wash my 
hands again and then exit the bathroom into the short hallway 
that runs in back of the main room. Just as I'm about to leave 
the area I hear a thud from somewhere down the hallway. I 
walk forward a little ways because I hear a man's voice. It's 
David's voice. I walk a little farther. I can see if he's ready for 
that dance I guess. David's next words make me pause 
however and fade back into the shadows.
"Oh yeah, Dex..." he groans, "oh man....that's good."
"You know it, baby," Dexter's low, aroused voice replies.
There's another soft thud and then another. I'm standing at an 
angle across from the cracked door to a supply room. David 
and Dexter are inside. Dexter is bent over, braced on a shelf, 
his pants and underwear around his ankles. David is behind 
him, hands on Dexter's hips, his slick, hard cock sliding slowly 
in and out of the black musician's ass. Oh man. Yeah, I guess 
David's getting a dance all right. But it isn't with me. Christ. 
Couldn't they wait to get each other someplace private? 
Well...'been there done that' I have to admit. I can't criticize 
when I remember what Mulder and I thought was a deserted 
stretch of beach in Tahiti. The look on that Japanese tourist 
couple's faces isn't something I'll likely forget for a very long 
time.
I stand transfixed, watching as the man I did this to only two 
nights ago, works his lean hips back and forth, obviously 
relishing the experience. I'm a little surprised I don't feel jealous 
at seeing them together. I don't feel a shred of jealously 
however. I also don't feel particularly aroused due to the 
embarrassment factor of seeing this intimate act. No, I feel a 
mixture of relief and happiness for David and his lover. I'm glad 
the kid really does have someone to share himself with.
"Fuck. Oh Dex," David moans.
"Do it, man," Dexter grunts as David picks up the speed of his 
thrusts.
I back away slowly and turning, return up the hallway towards 
the entrance to the main bar room.
As I approach the table again, Mulder is setting down a half 
empty glass of lemonade. He yawns really wide and Mary 
laughs.
"You're losing it, Mulder. Maybe you should think about heading 
home."
"Yeah. I think the day's catching up with me, I really do feel 
beat," he smiles a little raggedly at her.
I reach the table and Mulder looks up at me.
"I guess we'd better go back, Skinner. I'm fading here."
"No problem." I nod at Mulder.
Good I won't have to worry about waiting for David to get back 
out here after riding Dexter's ass or waiting for the music to 
begin again while Dexter recovers his equilibrium. I chuckle to 
myself. Man, sometimes you're really a fool for love I think as 
Mulder rises out of his chair. He's steady on his feet so he can't 
be too far gone with fatigue. I'm glad he wasn't drinking and that 
I switched to iced tea after three beers. We should be able to 
navigate back easily this way.
"I guess Mary and I will stick around for a while, all right my 
sweet?" Kurtz asks his wife to be.
"Sounds good to me. Now that Mulder's not here to trod on my 
toes I need someone to take over the job," she teases him.
"Smile when you say that, pardner," he growls at her. She 
giggles and he pulls her close for a kiss.
Mulder and I both laugh. When they break apart I turn to Kurtz. 
"Uh...will you give our regards to Audrey...and David?" I ask 
him pointedly. "We had a really good time, but I'd better get this 
guy home."
"Before I fall on my face. And tell them I said thanks too. This 
was great," Mulder adds.
"Will do. Drive carefully. And don't do anything I wouldn't do," 
Kurtz winks and laughs, taking Mary in his arms again.
I wince a little and glance at Mulder but he's smiling as he walks 
away. I follow, pulling up beside him.
"Sorry. Kurtz...Kurtz is drunk. I didn't imply to him that we 
were...well you know."
"It's ok, Skinner. Don't worry about it. I'm not. It was flattering," 
he nods briskly as we exit the tavern. I smile a little to myself. 
Well that's nice to hear at least. Maybe things really are looking 
up here at last.
"Flattering?" I ask just in case I misunderstood what he was 
getting at.
"Yes. I think it's flattering that people think you'd want me that 
way. I mean, hey, I've got an ego. Every guy wants to feel like 
he makes his...uh...lover hot," he grins at me as he walks on.
"Oh yeah?" I rumble as we reach the Harley.
"Yeah," he replies turning to face me as I reach his side.
We stare at each other for a few seconds. I look in his eyes, 
looking for permission.
"You're going to make me break my promise again," I whisper, 
moving a bit closer.
"I know..." he replies, smiling softly.
I close the distance between us and take him in my arms. I pull 
him close and kiss him tenderly on the lips. I'm careful not to put 
too much into it at first, so I don't scare him. When I feel him 
respond by opening his lips I push forward and devour his 
mouth, pushing my tongue inside to taste him. He brings his 
hands up onto my back and lets out a low groan as our mouths 
play over each other. 
I release his mouth quickly however, not wanting, once again to 
bring it on too hard. He rocks back slightly, a lopsided grin on 
his face.
"Holy shit..." he breathes out.
"You ok?" I chuckle.
He chuckles as well.
"Yeah, I...that was intense."
"Are you sure it was all right though. I mean..."
"It was...I think it was ok. Yeah, I'm ok with it," he states as if 
he's still trying to sort it out.
I smile. Hey, it's a step.
"Well it was good for me," I joke, giving him a pat on the 
shoulder. "Come on, let's get back. You want to drive again?"
"Uh...maybe you'd better. I'm...I'm about done in," he replies. 
"And Skinner...it was good. Really. I liked it," he adds with a 
sleepy grin.
I smile and nod, taking the helmet off the seat of the Harley and 
handing it to him.
It's shortly after 1 AM when we arrive back at the motel. It's 
quiet. Mary's brother comes to the door of the office to see 
who's pulling in with a noisy Harley. When he sees it's guests he 
waves and goes back inside.
I park the bike back in front of room 20 and Mulder and I both 
saunter up to the door. I'm feeling mighty fine after that kiss. I 
don't care if he's still analyzing it. We did it, that's the main thing. 
Did it and he admitted it was good. Hell yeah, I'm feeling fine.
I unlock the room and we go inside. It doesn't take us long to get 
undressed. Mulder strips down to his briefs and I'm down to my 
jock and T-shirt.
I unfurl my sleeping bag, laying it out on the air mattress that I 
left lying at the foot of the bed.
When I raise up I notice that Mulder is sitting on the edge of the 
bed, massaging his calf muscle.
"What's wrong?" I ask, worried.
"I think Fox Astaire overdid it a little tonight. I've got a damn 
cramp in my calf," he winces.
"Oh man, those are a bitch. Hang on, let me see how bad it is," I 
reply, straightening up and walking over to stand over him. I 
look down to assess the damage. I can see the tightness in his 
muscle even from this position.
"Yeah, that's gotta hurt," I observe as he rubs at it.
"I can't quite get the right angle on it to work it out," he observes.
"Want me to try?" I ask wincing a little as he grits his teeth in 
pain.
"Man, could you?" he nods towards his leg.
"Sure," I nod and lower myself down on my knees. I pull his foot 
onto the top of my thighs and cup my hands under his calf.
"Tell me if I'm pressing too hard," I tell him as I start to massage 
his leg.
As I pull the supple muscle fibers away from the tight ones 
Mulder closes his eyes.
"That's good," he murmurs.
I relax and continue to rub. As I massage I hear a car engine. 
There's a car driving into the motel parking lot. Headlights pass 
across the front window and shine through the closed curtains. 
Then a horn toots a couple of times.
Mulder's eyes open and he cranes around, startled a bit.
"That's gotta be Kurtz, the crazy asshole. He thinks just because 
he's getting..." I let my words stop dead. I was about to say 
Kurtz thinks just because he's going to get some tonight 
everyone should. Oh man.
"...getting some, we should all get some tonight," Mulder finishes 
for me as if reading my mind. I look up at him.
"Yeah...that...that's about it."
He nods and bites his lip. "Uh...I guess I'd be...you know...willing 
if..."
"Willing to make love with me?"
He takes a deep breath.
"Yes," he whispers.
I smile at him. A shot of raw lust goes right to my dick. 
God...can he possibly be willing? The look in his eyes tells me 
he's curious...interested even. Mulder was always willing to 
explore his sexuality. When it came right down to it...he was a 
sexual hedonist. I think that component is still strong in him and 
he's going with it even though the memory of our relationship 
isn't there. The dance at the tavern, the kiss...both were 
evidence to back up this idea I think. But he's damned nervous. 
He has his hands back on the bed, bracing himself and I can 
see his arms shaking slightly.
"Let me finish with your leg here. Just...sit back and relax. I'm 
not going to rush into anything until this calf muscle is loose. 
And Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"If there's anything, and I mean anything that makes you 
uncomfortable about...what we do here when we're 
together...don't hesitate to tell me to stop. This is supposed to be 
about pleasure, not pain and fear, understand?" I hasten to 
reassure him.
He nods.
"All right. Just relax and let me work out this cramp," I reply, 
renewing my massage on his calf muscle.
After a short time I can feel the muscle completely relax in my 
hands. Mulder has his eyes closed and I'm beginning to wonder 
if maybe I should just talk him into going to bed to sleep. But as 
soon as he feels my hands cease their movement he opens his 
eyes.
"Thanks, that's great. It doesn't hurt at all anymore," he says 
smiling down at me.
He looks so handsome in the light of the night stand lamp. So 
inviting. I can smell the warm musky scent of his crotch. Oh 
man...forget it. I'm sunk. I'm gonna go for it and hope for the 
best here.
I smile back up at him and bend to gently kiss his knee.
"Good," I rumble against his skin.
I watch him swallow and then lick his lower lip in that gesture 
that absolutely drives me up the wall with desire. I tamp it down 
slightly though and tell myself we'll make tonight just for him. I'll 
concentrate on giving him the most pleasurable experience 
possible and hope he comes back for more.
I kiss up his leg a little further, scooting myself closer with my 
knees. He spreads his legs open a little farther as I push on his 
thighs gently.
"Is this all right?" I whisper planting feather light kisses inside his 
knees.
"Uh...yeah...it tickles," he chuckles.
I replace my lips with my hands and massage the inside of his 
thighs.
"Oh, that's...that's better," he sighs, watching me as I skim my 
hands up towards the top of his legs.
I run my hands up under the leg openings of his briefs, and 
back down again. On the next sweep up I tease around his balls 
a little. I can see his cock just starting to swell through the 
cotton. Mulder was a lot faster to respond usually but this isn't 
the old Mulder. This man is a virgin for all intents and purposes 
and it will do me good to remember that fact. He may be 
excited but he's also as anxious as hell so I should probably be 
prepared to have just about anything happen here.
I continue to rub and massage his leg muscles, settling him. 
When he seems more relaxed, braced back on his hands more 
comfortably, I renew my mouth work, kissing, licking, and 
sucking on his skin. I lap up his leg with my tongue and end by 
kissing and then sucking his balls through the cloth of his briefs. 
He bucks his hips slightly and I see one of his hands clutch the 
bedspread.
"You...you can take 'em off if you'd like," he suggests in a 
hoarse voice.
"I'd like that very much," I smile up at him. He helps me to 
remove his briefs by wriggling his hips. I have to rise up on my 
knees a little to pull them completely off. When I do, he gets a 
bird's eye view of my growing erection where it's pushing 
against my jock.
"Fuck," he blurts out with a nervous laugh following it, "that's 
one angry pecker you've got there, Mr. AD."
I laugh in return and sink back down between his legs.
"You got me that way, Mulder. I want you, babe. More 
importantly...I love you. I mean that from the bottom of my 
heart. I want...I want to show you how much I love you," I reply 
quietly, stroking his quivering thighs gently with my hands.
"Oh man..." he whispers.
"I...I want this to be just for you now, lover. Just...sit back and 
enjoy it," I murmur as I move forward and nuzzle into his pubic 
hair.
"God," he whispers in a soft voice.
"You're beautiful," I rumble, kissing the tip of his twitching cock. 
I take the base with my left hand and tongue the end, licking up 
a tiny bit of pre-cum that's starting to ooze out. I feel him start to 
tremble again. I smile and take the head of his cock in my 
mouth.
"Oh Jesus," he hisses as I start to slide my mouth up over his 
glans and then up his shaft very slowly. I feel him tense up 
almost immediately. Instead of bucking forwards, he shifts back 
on the bed struggling to move away from me. What hard-on he 
was starting to sport goes rapidly limp. He starts to tremble 
harder. I release him and move back.
"Mulder?" I ask, looking up into his panicky face.
"Oh God...I'm...I'm so sorry...I...this is...I can't. Not...not yet. I'm 
sorry," he mumbles trying to shift away.
"It's...it's all right," I hasten to comfort him, moving back and 
getting up off my knees. My raging hard-on is still threatening to 
explode out of my jock and his eyes are drawn instantly to it.
"I...this is too fast," he mumbles. "Christ, I...I'm so sorry," he 
mumbles again, getting up shakily and grabbing his briefs off 
the floor. "Shit, I've really fucked up royally here. Damn it," he 
frowns in self-disgust. "You must think I'm a...a fucking cock 
tease," he ends miserably, pulling on his briefs.
"Mulder, I'm the one who should apologize. Maybe I was 
moving too fast again. It's...it's ok," I bluster, trying to reach for 
him. He moves away and stands on the other side of the bed.
"I'm the one at fault here. I shouldn't have gotten you worked up 
like that..." he gestures towards my crotch. "I mean..."
"Don't...don't castigate yourself...this...it's just the 
circumstances," I continue to try to salvage the situation.
"I...oh shit. I'm clueless here Skinner. I mean...I don't know. One 
second I feel hot, the next second cold. Christ. I'm not even 
sure I like men. Hell. I don't even remember sex with anybody 
except maybe myself and...blowing Spender...and I can't 
exactly call that a stellar experience."
"None of that's wrong...or unexpected either. It's also nothing to 
be embarrassed about. I don't...I don't think less of you for being 
confused or...afraid after that kind of experience," I interject. 
"Well I need to get past that crap, Skinner. Tonight...I tried to 
see...if...well I thought maybe this would work out and 
you'd...we'd both end up enjoying each other or something. 
Clearly...I'm just fucked up enough here not to have things work 
out. It makes me wonder if I even remember how to do sex," he 
shakes his head in chagrin. 
"I understand....but...you...well take my word for it...you can do 
sex, Mulder," I reply and then I want to kick myself. Why the 
fuck did I say that? Because I'm standing here with a raging 
hard-on and I can't think straight that's why. Damn it to hell.
"Well the point is, I don't remember it. I don't remember having 
sex with men, much less you and...I know you're hot for me. 
For fuck's sake I heard you jerking off last night."
"You heard me?"
"Yeah. But I didn't want to let on."
"I'm sorry."
"Well don't be sorry. I know this hasn't been easy for you. I...oh 
man, this is embarrassing," he grinds out...pacing back and 
forth. "Look...I need to get out of here. I need...I need some 
fresh air...I need to think," he adds, striding over to grab for his 
socks.
"Mulder...you can't just..."
"I need to get out of here," he hisses, pulling on his socks. The 
jeans, still with his belt and the knife in its sheath attached go on 
next. He sits down to pull his boots on and lace them up. He's 
almost manic. I know when he gets this way I can't stop him. I 
just watch as he moves to exit the room without even putting his 
T-shirt on.
"Damn it, Mulder. You're going to freeze out there," I grumble, 
making one last effort to stop him.
"I'll be all right. I'm sorry. I'll knock when I come back," he 
tosses over his shoulder as he unlocks the door, pulls it open, 
exits and slams the door behind him.
I just stand there, my hands on my hips in amazement, my dick 
rapidly wilting behind the cotton of my jock strap.
xXx
August 7, 2005, 3:00 AM, Outside room 20. The Dust Devil 
Motel, Godwillin, New Mexico
Mulder's been gone a little over 45 minutes. I got dressed in my 
jeans and boots and came outside to make sure he was walking 
around the motel. I saw him once pacing up near the office. I 
just let him go when he moved off around back. I should have 
seen this coming I guess. Like I told myself earlier I needed to 
be prepared for anything during our encounter. He's hurt, and 
confused...adrift in a sea of half remembered life experiences 
coupled with a total blank on almost everything else he ever did 
as Fox Mulder. I can't imagine what it must be like for him. 
Well...maybe a little. There are gaps in my memory also and 
I've felt that pain more than once. But at least I remember my 
sexuality - and I remember making love with someone I wanted 
to give myself to body and soul.
I sit down on the edge of the porch and let the cooler night air 
clear my head. I lean back against one of the posts that 
supports the porch roof and look up into the night sky. It's a 
clear night, and you can see every star shining bright over this 
part of New Mexico. Funny how the stars take on a whole new 
significance in a new town, any new town and not just Godwillin.
As I muse about the fate of humanity at the hands of the grays I 
hear another door close across the parking lot. Mary 
Whitefeather comes out of Kurtz's room and lights up a 
cigarette. I can see her in the light that shines outside the office. 
She's dressed in an oversized, blue terry cloth robe. I would bet 
it's Kurtz's robe. She spots me and heads across the parking lot 
in my direction. When she reaches me she stops and stands at 
my feet.
"Cigarette?" she asks, taking the pack out of a pocket in the 
robe.
"No thanks, I don't smoke," I smile at her.
"Good. It's a filthy habit," she sighs putting the pack back in her 
pocket, "I gotta quit. Mind if I smoke though?"
"No. Sit down," I indicate the pole opposite the one I'm leaning 
against. She carefully sits down and arranges the robe around 
her. 
"Couldn't sleep?" I ask in way of conversation.
"No. Sam passed out," she chuckles. "So, no nookie tonight. I 
just decided to smoke a butt."
I bark a laugh.
"I admire your bluntness," I chuckle.
"Well...life is too short to be embarrassed about what you enjoy 
- even a good fuck. I learned that the hard way," she shrugs 
giving me a sad smile. "Now I don't mince words," she adds, 
taking a drag on her cigarette.
"I understand," I nod.
She nods back.
"I guess you do. And listen...I was kidding about his drinking. He 
doesn't drink much and the poor guy has no tolerance. So...he 
gets...you know...kind of wild. But Sam's a good man, Skinner. I 
won't do better."
"I'm happy for you both, Mary. He's a great guy. I haven't 
known him long but I know he's genuine. You're...you're special 
too."
Mary smiles and nods.
"Thank you too, sir."
"Welcome," I nod briskly at her.
We sit in companionable silence for a few moments and then 
Mary clears her throat and speaks again.
"I take it you're not out here because you couldn't sleep," she 
ventures quietly.
I sigh, "You could say that, yeah."
"Want to talk about it?" she asks, compassion in her voice.
"Uh...probably not. I don't think there's much you can do."
"You have a fight?"
"No...nothing like that really. Things...things didn't go well. I think 
maybe I moved a little too fast. He's...he's out walking, trying to 
clear his head."
"Oh. Well...I'm sorry to hear it. Walter, I can tell you really love 
him. I know I probably don't have to tell you to be patient. He 
seems like a good person...and it also seems like he's...you 
know...trying to make a connection with you again. I bet if you 
just give him some time he'll want you again. Hell...what's not to 
want. You're one damn fine looking man," she smiles, her teeth 
white in the darkness.
I laugh and run my hand over my mouth.
"My ego thanks you, Mary. I guess I needed to hear that right 
about now."
"Take my word for it, Walter. You're a stud. Mulder's going to 
want what you have to offer eventually. I would," she grins, 
tossing the cigarette down. She stands, and crushes it beneath 
her foot.
I smile back. As she's making sure the butt is out I notice Kurtz 
come out of room 1 dressed in his T-shirt, a pair of boxer briefs 
and sneakers.
"I think Sam's looking for you," I nod in his direction.
"Oh yeah?" she grins a little, turning around.
Kurtz is waving in agitation at us and then he makes a beeline 
for the office at almost a dead run.
"Something...something must be wrong," Mary observes, worry 
in her voice.
"We'd better check it out," I advise, rising to join her as she jogs 
back across the parking lot.
We reach the office and hurry inside. Kurtz is in the back room. 
I can hear the crackle of the Two Way radio back there.
"Come in Dan....repeat that...I can't pick you up. Over," Kurtz is 
saying. "Fuck this thing," he adds, cursing roundly as another 
blare of static pierces the air.
Mary and I round the reservation desk and push past the curtain 
that separates the office from the reservation area.
"What's wrong?" I ask immediately.
"Sam?" Mary asks, her brow deeply furrowed.
"It's Dan Garrity. The buzzer went off next door and woke me 
up so I knew someone was trying to contact us on the CB. I 
came over here but the damn message was garbled. I'm trying 
to get him back," he grates out. "He said it was urgent before I 
lost the signal. Damn thing. I need to get David out here to work 
on the antenna," he grumbles turning the knob on the front of 
the machine.
Another loud flare of static bites through the air and then the 
sheriff's voice comes through loud and clear.
"Dust Devil, are you there Sam? Over."
"Yeah, I can hear you now, Dan. What's wrong? Over."
"Dan...Spender's escaped. Evidently when Randy did bed 
check tonight he thought Spender was still sedated. The 
sedation must have worn off. He knocked Randy unconscious 
somehow and he's out. He's been gone at least an hour. Over."
"Oh God!" Mary exclaims.
"Randy and Phil are out looking for him now. I had to warn you 
though in case..." Garrity continues.
I don't even wait for the rest.
"Mulder," I hiss, turning to run out of the office.
I hear Mary cry out.
"Sam, Mulder's out walking around..." as I crash through the 
outer office door.
"MULDER!" I bellow at the top of my lungs. There's no answer. 
I reach for my gun. "Fuck," I curse. It's hanging back in the 
room. 
Kurtz comes barreling out of the office, a sawed off shotgun in 
his hand, Mary on his heels.
"Mary, go back inside and lock the doors. Garrity's sending the 
deputies."
Mary runs back inside without hesitation. Kurtz looks at me 
intently.
"You think he's coming for him?"
"I'd bet on it," I hiss, turning to run behind the side of the motel. 
Kurtz pounds behind me.
"MULDER!" I yell again.
There's still no answer.
"Try the shower area," Kurtz pants and we both run on towards 
the communal showers.
We don't see anyone around the shower stalls at first. It's light 
enough back here that we should have spotted anyone.
"Hold up," I tell Kurtz and we stop to listen. It's then we hear the 
sound of a struggle.
"Over there," Kurtz barks.
From between the buildings, in the short alley where David and I 
spoke yesterday, a cloud of dust is blowing up fast and furious.
"MULDER!" I yell.
"HERE!" He calls back, his voice hoarse with the effort of trying 
to make himself heard.
We run to the opening in the alley and squint into the darkness. 
Mulder is there, and so is Jeffrey Spender. They're locked 
together in a terrifying imitation of Mulder and my dance at the 
Dark Horse tavern. Neither is speaking. The only sounds are 
grunts now as they grapple. The dust is thick from their struggle. 
Mulder is trying to push Spender back and away to end the 
obscene dance. Dance of death flies instantly through my mind 
as I see what Spender has in his hand. He's got my Bowie 
knife. He's got...my knife! Everything seems to move in slow 
motion as I lunge forward.
"NOOOOOO!" I scream as Spender brings the knife up sharply 
and stabs into Mulder's stomach with a quick, hard upward 
thrust.
"FUCK!" Kurtz cries out, shoving past me and bringing his 
shotgun up in a flurry of movement.
"DROP THE KNIFE, JEFF!" I cry out once more.
"YOU BITCH!" Spender yells as Mulder sags in his grasp. He 
lunges again and I can practically feel the pain in my own guts 
as the knife sinks into Mulder once more.
"Oh God," Mulder whispers as he sinks to his knees.
The blast of the shotgun is loud in the alley. The close shot hits 
Spender high, taking most of his head and part of his neck off in 
a bloody spray of blood, bone and gray matter. His lifeless body 
flies backward, hitting the wall and it sags down in a crumpled 
heap.
I rush to Mulder's side. He's on his knees, clutching his 
stomach. Blood is pouring down over his thighs.
"Shit. I'm really fucked," he mumbles and then he falls 
sideways. 
"Mulder. Oh Jesus," I choke, catching him and helping him to lie 
flat on the ground. He doesn't have on a shirt so the wounds are 
plainly visible. I've seen enough wounds in my time to know 
these are fatal. My hands are shaking as Kurtz comes over and 
kneels beside me. 
"Oh shit," he hisses. "I'll go call the doctor."
"There isn't time. Give me your T-shirt," I order. He pulls it off 
and I fold it up and press it to the wounds. It's all I can do. That 
and keep him comfortable. I start to tear up, but bite the inside 
of my mouth to regain control. I don't want Mulder to know I've 
lost hope.
"Hang in there, babe," I whisper to him.
"I...I'm sorry..." he mumbles.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Don't talk. Conserve your 
strength."
He nods.
Kurtz whispers in my ear, "What can I do?"
"Nothing," I hiss low. I press the shirt tight against Mulder's 
stomach. God, there's a lot of blood. He groans and his eyes roll 
back in his head as he falls unconscious.
"He's dying," I sob, the tears coming at last and I can't hold 
them back.
Kurtz shakes his head and makes the sign of the cross over 
Mulder's body. Then he begins to pray. I recognize it...he's...he's 
giving Mulder the last rights.
"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, stricken and barely able to 
think straight. "This man's a Jew," I add numbly.
"Who gives a fuck. I used to be...I'm a Catholic priest. I'm going 
to give this man the last rights."
I stare at him in dumbfounded amazement. Christ we should 
have had that drink so he could tell me his life story flits crazily 
through my mind. Kurtz's life? Kurtz...Kurtz has..."
"Sam! I grab his arm. Did you...did you have time to filter my 
blood?"
"What?"
"The nanocytes? Did you process them?"
"Yeah, why...Oh shit...yeah...but...that's a risk..."
"He's dying anyway. Get them," I hiss and Kurtz almost falls on 
his face as he bolts for room 1 again.
I move to cradle Mulder's head in my lap. He's still breathing but 
he's bleeding so badly I start to pray myself. I pray that Kurtz 
will make it back in time so I can inject Mulder with the one 
thing that may give him at least a chance at survival.
"Hang on, Mulder. Please...just breathe," I beg as I watch his 
chest rise and fall.
Kurtz returns quickly with Garrity's deputies in tow and the 
syringe in hand. I tell them to back off, there's nothing they can 
do for Mulder. They take one look at what's left of Spender and 
head back to their squad to call the sheriff. Kurtz hands me the 
syringe and I uncap it.
I bend down next to Mulder, who incredibly, opens his eyes. He 
tries to speak and I lean close.
"Hurts," he whispers.
"I know, Mulder. I...I'm going to give you something to make it 
feel better," I reply, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
He smiles weakly and breathes out, "Thanks...Walter."
I smile and lift his arm up, plunging the needle home smoothly 
into the vein on the inside of his elbow.
Kurtz is standing by, keeping one eye out for the deputies to 
return and the other on me as I inject the nanocytes into 
Mulder's bloodstream.
I pull the needle out, recap the syringe, and put it in my jeans. 
"Help me carry him back to the room," I order Kurtz.
He nods without question and moves to help me.
xXx
We lay Mulder carefully on the bed in room number 20 and I sit 
down beside him on the edge. Kurtz goes to stand by the door 
and look out through the curtains.
I stroke Mulder's hair and hold his hand. His skin is sweaty and 
cool to the touch. He's still breathing but it's very shallow. I have 
no idea what will happen now. The nanocytes will either kill him 
or cure him. But as to what happens when they first enter a 
body and try to repair major damage like this - I haven't a clue.
"I'd better go run interference with Garrity for as long as I can. 
But he's going to want to know what happened with Mulder," 
Kurtz advises me.
"So what?" I hiss. "I did what had to be done. The injection was 
the only recourse Mulder had here."
"I know that but...the law is kind of specific on that point. 
Injecting has to be an informed decision. This...if he dies...it's 
murder, Skinner."
"If he fucking dies, Spender murdered him," I growl, glaring at 
Kurtz.
He shrugs.
"You're preaching to the choir, bud. Believe me, I understand." 
I let my shoulders sag, "I'm sorry. I'd appreciate it if you handle 
the sheriff, Sam. Thanks," I nod, turning back to Mulder and 
stroking his brow.
"Ok. No problem," Kurtz answers and I hear him open the room 
door. 
I run my hand over Mulder's face. His skin feels markedly 
warmer. I look up to mention it to Kurtz but he's gone, shutting 
the door behind him.
I glance down at Mulder's stomach and notice that the blood 
isn't seeping out around the soaked T-shirt like it was before. I 
lift the T-shirt up and examine the wounds in his stomach. They 
feel really hot. I jerk my hand away just as Mulder twitches 
violently on the bed.
His eyes fly open and he stares, not seeing for a moment, then 
focusing on me.
"Bu..bu....bug...bugs crawling all over me!" he cries out, bringing 
his hands up to tear at his skin.
"No...they aren't bugs. It's ok," I reply as calmly as possible. I 
grasp his hands and push them flat on the bed.
"Get 'em off. Itches. Get 'em...uhhhhhh," he groans, falling 
back, saliva running from the corner of his mouth.
"Christ," I breathe out, removing the bloody folded up T-shirt 
and tossing it on the floor. Mulder's burning up now. Sweat's 
springing out all over his body. He's starting to tremble 
spastically, shaking so hard I can barely hold on to him. Moans 
are driven out of his chest without his conscious knowledge and 
finally he cries out.
"Walter!" he screams once and then falls silent to merely shake, 
and drool some more.
"Oh, babe, I'm here," I whisper, cradling him close as best I can. 
There's a knock on the door.
"Walter, it's me, Mary," Mary Whitefeather calls.
"Come," I call out and she enters quickly, shuts the door and 
locks us in.
"How is he?" she asks coming close to the bed.
"Something's happening...I...I'm not sure what though," I look 
up, not bothering to hide the raw fear in my eyes.
"Sam is talking to Garrity. He said to tell you he's insisting 
Mulder asked you to inject him before he lost consciousness. 
He was a witness. He just wanted you to know that because 
Garrity will ask. The sheriff is dealing with Spender's...remains 
right now. Oh, and he's called Dr. Singh."
"Ok. I...God...I really appreciate all you've done," I whisper as 
Mulder jerks violently one more time.
"Shit...can I help?" she asks gesturing towards his legs.
"Can you get me a cold cloth? He's burning up," I reply, 
struggling to comfort my lover as he writhes, unconscious in my 
arms. 
xXx
August 10, 2005. Dawn. Room 20. The Dust Devil Motel, 
Godwillin, New Mexico
Mulder lay for 2 days in the grip of the nanocytes. He would 
burn with fever one moment, sweat like hell and then shake 
with chills the next. He writhed, had to be held down, thrashed 
and screamed. We had to diaper him, improvising towels for the 
job, because he wet and soiled himself. I sponge bathed him to 
clean up the mess. Mary changed the sheets while Kurtz and I 
moved Mulder to the floor until she was done.
Dr. Singh appeared and had no idea what to do with Mulder 
other than cold towels for the fever and warm blankets for the 
chills. He recommended not tying him down since he might 
injure himself worse if he struggled against the bonds.
Garrity interviewed me while Singh and Mary Whitefeather 
spelled me with Mulder. He brought back my Bowie knife and 
handed it to me, with a grim twist of his lips. The interrogation 
was short and sweet. 
"Did he ask for the shot?" the sheriff asked, looking in my eyes. 
"I can't lie to you, Dan. No...he was out when I gave it to him," I 
replied honestly.
Garrity ran a hand through his hair.
"Thought so. Sam's a lousy liar. Look...fuck it. Spender's dead. 
Mulder...well I hope to hell he recovers," he hissed, slapping me 
on the back as he walked away.
Mary and Sam took turns with me tending to Mulder. Both of 
them were incredible and I couldn't ask for two more kind and 
faithful friends.
This morning, Mary is with me as Mulder lies quietly for the first 
time in two days. I've hardly slept in all that time and I'm just 
about done in myself. I'm sitting on one of the chairs at his 
bedside, wiping him down with another cool cloth. We took a 
chance this morning and put a clean pair of briefs on him. Mary 
is asleep in my sleeping bag on the floor. I feel my eyes, and 
then my head grow heavy as sleep overtakes me.
"Sleep...on...job?" a voice murmurs, causing my head to snap 
up off my chest.
Mulder is awake and giving me a weak, lopsided grin. I smile 
wide and touch his hair, running my hand through it.
"You bored the hell out of me, what can I say?" I reply, choking 
back the tears welling up in my throat.
"Bas...tard," he grins, "but...glad...you're stubborn. Saved me," 
he sighs, swallowing hard.
"You know it. I wasn't about to let you get away that easily." 
He nods.
"You want some water?" I ask as he licks his lips.
He nods again. I go quietly to the sink and fill one of the cups 
there from the water jug. I bring it back over and support his 
upper body while he sips from the cup. When he's had his fill, I 
lower him gently and set the cup on the night stand.
"How do you feel?" I ask carefully.
"Like...hit by...truck," he coughs.
"Well...rest. We can...we can talk later."
He nods again. I rearrange the covers around him.
"Skinner?" he asks weakly.
"Yeah?" I reply, bending down low to hear him.
"I remember," he sighs wonder filling his voice. "I remember...so 
much," and then his eyes slip shut and he falls fast asleep.
xXx
September 30, 2005, around 2 PM, South Dakota
The last days of summer seem to be playing out as we cross 
the South Dakota state line. It's still warm but there's definitely a 
hint of fall in the air, especially at night. We've been riding 
roughly Northeast since we left Godwillin. Northeast so we can 
cut across through Minnesota and into Wisconsin eventually.
In one respect it was easy to leave Godwillin. Mulder and I both 
wanted to put what happened with Jeffrey Spender behind us. 
We buried Spender in the Godwillin cemetery in a small private 
service, Sam Kurtz presiding. There was a sense of closure 
about a lot of things once Spender was laid to rest. I felt a 
chapter in the past close and I think Mulder did too.
But it was also damned difficult to leave Godwillin. We'd made 
so many friends there. Sam Kurtz, Mary Whitefeather. Dan 
Garrity, Audrey Reid, her husband Bill, David Peabody, her 
brother, and Dexter Frontiere, were all people neither of us will 
ever forget. We were threatened with a sound dressing down by 
both Mary and Audrey if we didn't stop back again soon. Sam 
suggested we even think of settling there eventually. Garrity 
suggested he'd be interested in expanding the Godwillin police 
force if we were interested. He, and Sam and David offered to 
help us homestead if we wanted to do it. Who knows maybe we 
will. But right now we have unfinished business out East. So we 
ride.
Mulder's decided to go see Scully now that he's remembered 
her more clearly. He's somewhat stunned that she's still alive 
and still on Earth living with the Lone Gunmen. He's also bitter 
that she's six years older and he didn't get to share those years 
with her, to keep her from feeling the pain of his loss. I know he 
still cares for her as he did before. It doesn't bother me. In fact it 
tells me that all's right with the world.
He seems a lot stronger now both mentally and physically. The 
effects of the cryo-freezing and its attendant memory 
suppression seizures are completely gone. The knife wounds 
are healed, of course. All the effects of the nanocyte 
transformation are gone as well. Thank God for the nanocytes. 
He understands why I injected him. He would have died 
otherwise and selfish idea or not, I couldn't bear to lose him 
again. He understands that at a gut level but the immortality 
issue disturbs him for a myriad of reasons. It disturbs him 
because he's not sure Scully will understand it for one thing. It 
also disturbs him that Alex Krycek had anything to do with the 
issue. He's starting to remember everything Krycek did as well. 
Now both of us will want to find that bastard and get some 
answers. Needless to say, Mulder and Krycek have a lot of 
unfinished business too. About the only thing that doesn't disturb 
him is the prospect of seeing what the future brings. He's 
always been curious and seeing what lies ahead has its appeal 
for him. I hope...I also hope that the prospect of spending that 
future with me has its appeal as well.
Both of us are a little road weary. It's getting on towards 2 PM 
and I should think about stopping. We can make an early camp, 
kick back and get some rest. We'll want to start early in the 
morning. 
Mulder sits behind me on the Harley seat, his helmeted head 
close to mine, his body pressed against me. We take turns 
driving since he picked up on steering the bike back in 
Godwillin. He needed a few extra pointers with the small trailer 
added to it but he's doing fine. The trailer was necessary to haul 
the extra load. I suppose we could have gotten a truck or SUV - 
but I'm really attached to the bike. I have to confess it's not 
practical once you get to bad winter weather climates - but hell - 
it's a fine ride. I probably enjoy piloting the hog more, and 
Mulder knows it, so he lets me do the bulk of the driving. Right 
now I'm taking us down the road, and he's gripping the seat, 
leaning forward, and shouting into my ear.
"You thinking of stopping?"
"Yeah," I shout back.
"Good. I have to take a leak," he laughs.
"Ever been to Sturgis?" I shoot back, nodding at the road sign 
we're passing. I know he won't remember. Some things are still 
coming to him. But by this time we consider it a joke when he 
doesn't recall a particular detail.
"Oh yeah. Half a dozen times."
"Uh, huh," I bark a loud laugh. I gun the engine and the bike 
shoots forward roaring just like the thousands of Harleys that 
have passed this way before on their way to the Mecca of all 
biker's conventions.
Sturgis is a ghost town and the look of it disturbs us both. 
Buildings lying in ruin. Trash blowing around. I'm not even 
tempted to stop at the deluxe Harley dealership that we pass on 
main street to see what we can salvage. We stop just long 
enough for Mulder and I to take a whiz and then we ride on.
Eventually we reach a small lake on the outskirts of Sturgis. It 
looks like it may have been on private land because there's only 
one ruined house on the property. There's a grove of trees on 
one edge of the lake and both of us have the same idea at the 
same time. Mulder taps my shoulder and points towards the 
trees. I nod, steering the bike up the dirt access road that leads 
onto the property.
I pull the bike up in the shade under the trees, brake it to a stop 
and cut the ignition. I snap the kickstand down and Mulder and I 
both unbend stiff legs to climb off the hog. We dust off our 
leathers and take in our surroundings. It's obviously deserted, 
and it's also a very good spot to make camp.
"Oh man, I can still feel my legs vibrating," Mulder sighs, 
rubbing his thighs as I flex my back.
"Yeah, I may be 47 forever but my back feels like 87 right now," 
I grouch.
"Maybe we should take a day to rest our saddle sore asses, 
Skinner," Mulder advises, bending down to touch his toes.
He hasn't called me Walter since he was delirious under the 
nanocytes. I don't call him Fox either. Back in Colorado, in the 
ruins of Nellis Air Force base after another aborted attempt at 
finding Alex Krycek, I tried to get close to him again. We 
camped out under the stars, and when he seemed relaxed and 
receptive, we began another fumbling attempt to make love. He 
couldn't quite manage it and I backed off again to let him 
process his feelings.
I believe he knows he loves me. I think he feels it deep down 
but he has no frame of reference to understand why. He's 
remembering more and more on an almost daily basis however. 
Some of the memories are painful like those surrounding his 
sister and her loss during the removal. Some are less painful 
like realizing my explanation for my supposed betrayal of him 
was an orchestrated set-up put together by Krycek.
I have to imagine the nanocytes might be partly responsible for 
his regaining all these memories, but I can't be sure. In any 
event he knows what we did together at the Bureau, and about 
the X-Files and his sister, and Scully...but our love for each 
other is still buried within his memory and it hasn't really worked 
itself into his consciousness yet. I have this perverse idea, this 
somewhat defeatist idea - that whoever teched him before he 
was freeze-dried and put in a pod wiped him really deep when it 
came to me. I'd bank on the fact that he screamed for me at 
some point and they got it out of him - about us I mean. It would 
have been just like that cigarette smoking bastard to make 
doubly sure he never remembered me again.
But....Mulder likes me, that much is obvious. We have an easy 
camaraderie. He touches me casually and allows me to touch 
him casually in return. I've even kissed him once or twice. But 
he's reticent to become more intimate with me, to take our 
friendship to another level. It's understandable. I'm surprised he 
hasn't been more shocked and confused over our former 
relationship. If he had rejected me I wouldn't have been 
surprised. I'm thankful he didn't and I can be patient. In the 
meantime I call him Mulder, and he's content to call me 
Skinner, and that's fine.
"I'll give it serious consideration. I'll need to go back to Sturgis 
unfortunately. We need to gas up and re-supply anyway. 
Maybe a day here wouldn't be a bad idea."
"Great. Hey...we can take a swim," he enthuses turning to look 
at the lake.
"We can bathe more to the point," I chuckle, pulling the helmet 
off my sweating head. Mulder takes his off as well and places it 
on the back of the cycle. I lay mine next to his.
"No shit. I smell like a goat," he replies, frowning into his armpit.
"I won't go there," I rumble, taking a whiff of eau de Skinner and 
frowning even more deeply.
Mulder smirks.
"Old goat."
"Screw that, you asshole. Ok, we'll unload the bike and set up 
camp. Then we bathe," I mock growl at him. He laughs and 
heads over to the bike to pull the tents out of the trailer.
xXx
I sent Mulder on ahead to bathe while I finish building the small 
pit for our fire. We only have the one sliver of soap left and it 
was his turn to use it first. I make a note to pick up a couple of 
bars of Ivory or something if I can find some in Sturgis. I can 
just see him on the lake shore, lying on the bank, basking in the 
late afternoon sun. He took the rifle with him and it's lying next 
to him on top of his clothes. I kept the Smith and Wesson in its 
shoulder holster. Mulder's naked of course. I made him take the 
sun block with him. He doesn't need a case of sunburn, even if 
the nanocytes would work to repair it. It'll still hurt for a while. 
He's been lying like that for some time, eyes shut, as if in deep 
contemplation.
I turn away from watching when he gets up at last and walks 
back into the lake to swim a bit more. I add the last few rocks to 
the pit and then I get up and stretch again. Man I am sore. I 
really do stink too. Even out of my leathers I'm still dusty and 
sweaty. I want that swim and scrub badly. I decide to wander 
down to the lakeside and find a spot to just soak until Mulder's 
done with the soap. I tell myself this with my logical mind. Of 
course in reality what my mind really wants to do is wander 
down to the lake so I can torture myself with the sight of 
Mulder's naked body. Christ. You need to rein it in here, 
Skinner. Get some control over your dick. It's not the end of the 
world. He's your friend, he's here and God knows we have time 
to work this out. Give it a chance. I steel myself and head down 
towards the water.
Mulder is splashing around, enjoying himself. I call from down 
shore just far enough away to give him his privacy.
"Where's the soap?"
"On top of my clothing!" he calls back.
He dives under and swims a little further out, popping up to 
watch me. He's giving me my space as well. The water is a 
clear blue green and inviting. I make my way to his pile of 
clothing and retrieve what's left of the soap. I head back in the 
direction I came - back up the shore and find my own stretch of 
flat bank. I strip quickly, folding my clothes and laying them 
over my gun and holster on the ground. I place my glasses on 
top of the pile At last I wade into the lake water. It's a little cold 
but refreshing. I start to lather up, whistling as I do.
I scrub all over and rinse off by dunking myself under water. 
God it does feel good to get clean. Once I'm done with the soap 
it's pretty much history. I let the broken pieces float away. I 
swim a few laps to get the kinks out of my muscles. When I'm 
done, I wade up out of the water, rivulets running down my 
body like miniature waterfalls. I look around and Mulder is 
nowhere to be seen at first. Then I see him, making his way 
back toward camp. His naked ass making its way back towards 
camp. My groin becomes tight. I turn back and plunge myself 
head first into the cold water again.
When I come back up, I wade out, pick up my belongings and 
get ready to return to camp. I put on my glasses, jock and jeans 
but carry the rest of my clothing in my hands including the 
shoulder holster. I climb up the path in front of me.
Mulder isn't in the immediate vicinity of the tents. The rifle isn't 
here either. He must have seen some fresh meat for dinner I 
think. Took the rifle and went after it. Good. I wouldn't mind 
some rabbit tonight. I walk up under the trees and lay my T-
shirt, boots, socks and gun next to the side of my tent. When I 
pull my head out I see Mulder standing off to the side, a little 
deeper in the grove of trees. He's wearing his T-shirt and 
nothing else. The gun is propped up against the tree and he's 
taking a piss on the tree roots. I straighten up and stand 
transfixed at the site. Hips bent slightly, muscles bunched up, 
arms stretched down...God he's fantastic. My eyes follow his 
arms down to his hands where he holds his cock in his right. 
He's scratching his stomach with his left. Just as I decide I 
should look away he takes that moment to look up and capture 
my eyes. My mouth is slightly open, arousal written all over my 
face. I know he can plainly tell what I'm thinking as I watch him. 
His piss stream stops abruptly and I tear my eyes away in 
embarrassment, stumbling over to the fire pit to sit down on the 
overturned log that borders it.
I stare down at the ground for what seems like eternity, 
miserable, my cock throbbing in my jeans.
"I'm sorry," Mulder mumbles.
I glance to the side and he's standing there, his jeans and T-shirt 
on now, but still barefoot. The rifle is slung over his back. 
"I saw a rabbit while I was getting dressed...I just grabbed the 
rifle and...well I didn't think," he finishes.
I shake my head at his carelessness. I look back down at the 
ground and scuff my bare toe around in the dirt a little.
"Mulder...we need to talk about this," I begin. He moves closer 
and stands in front of me, looking down at my bowed head.
"I guess we do," he admits rubbing at some dust on his leg.
I start to talk and it all comes out in a rush.
"I'm...I'm the one who should apologize for...oh fuck...I don't 
want to apologize. I can't...I'm... Mulder...I love you. It's the 
God's truth - I know I've said it before...but I love you from the 
bottom of my heart. We were together for 3 years. It wasn't 
always smooth sailing, no one has a perfect relationship. But 
we...we were good together where it counts the most - and I 
don't mean just in bed. I mean...I mean here..." I gesture at my 
heart. "Deep in here," I add.
Mulder is silent. I can hear his breath coming a bit raggedly so I 
don't want to look at him in case I see anger or embarrassment 
or worse yet, tears on his face. I just plunge on getting it all off 
my chest.
"I know you're having trouble processing the idea. I'm trying to 
give you time...give you your space but it's getting to be damn 
difficult to be around you day after day and have to squash my 
feelings for you...my desire to be with you..."
"Walter," he whispers. My head jerks up. "I think I've had 
enough time," he finishes simply.
I blink and stare at him.
"What?"
He smiles a little and shifts his feet, turning his head to look off 
towards the lake.
"I was lying down there for the better part of an hour, Walter. 
Thinking. Thinking and trying to remember our relationship...the 
love between us," he replies.
"And did you remember?" I rumble, staring into his face.
"No," he answers, returning his gaze to me. I lower my head. "I 
don't think I remember the way it used to be but...I'm...I've 
realized the way it is now," he whispers. "What I'm trying to say 
is I'm realizing I love you now...and that's what matters, Walter. I 
believe what you've told me about our relationship in the before 
times. I don't know why I can't precisely remember what we 
had then. I have hope it may come back. Maybe my feelings 
now are really my feelings from back then working their way 
out. But...it really doesn't matter. The present and what I feel for 
you today, not the past, is what really matters."
"Jesus..." I whisper. I can see it in his eyes. It's true...it's all true.
"If you'll let me...I'd like...I'd like to show you how I feel for you 
now," he replies, stretching out his hand.
I take his hand hard and he pulls me up and into his embrace. I 
feel tears springing up in my eyes but I drown them in his 
mouth, kissing him convulsively, seemingly unendingly, 
moaning and tasting until both of us can hardly breathe. He 
pushes me gently away at last, gasping and then he laughs.
"Holy shit, Skinner...you sure can suck face."
I laugh, grabbing him, and hug him tight. My nipples are rubbed 
over the material of his T-shirt again making them harden even 
further. The rifle almost hits me in the nose and I don't even 
care. 
"I love you," I whisper into his neck.
"Walter, I think I've loved you since that night you held me when 
I had that first nightmare back in Godwillin. I was just confused 
and half out of my head with trying to remember too much too 
quickly. I think I was having a mammoth attack of future shock. 
I think I'm finally coming out of it at last. I really want to 
apologize for putting you through hell while I came to my 
senses."
I draw back and ruffle his closely cropped brown hair.
"You nearly killed me, Fox. I wasn't sure I could stand it much 
longer."
"Well...you're gonna get some relief," he smirks. "Because I got 
as horny as hell watching you undress and bathe in the lake 
earlier." 
"You were watching me?"
"Oh yeah. It was the last step. I watched just to see if what I was 
feeling was accurate."
"And?"
"It was the same as I'm feeling now," he grins, rubbing the bulge 
in his pants up against mine.
"I see. Well Mr. Mulder...your place or mine?" I ask, grinning 
towards the tents.
"I think yours. It's slightly larger," he replies, indicating my tent. 
Then he cracks up at the double entendre.
"Slightly larger?" I tease, my voice heavy with arousal.
He glances down and I notice a trace of nervousness in his 
eyes. Oh man. He's willing again but I'm not sure he's ready. 
Hell, as far as he's concerned and as far as I should be 
concerned, he's still a virgin here. This could be another failure 
looming and I'm not sure either of us is up to taking another 
defeat. I breathe deeply several times, getting control of myself. 
I touch his cheek and he shuts his eyes, sighing under my 
fingers.
"If you're not ready...we can...we can wait. I don't want you to 
do this if..."
"Let's see...let's see how it goes, ok? I...I'm pretty damn hot 
here, Walter. I'm more than willing so let's go for it," he replies 
his voice still a little shaky.
"I won't hurt you," I whisper, stroking the side of his face. He 
opens his eyes and pins mine. The swirling hazel depths draw 
me in and ignite my soul.
"I trust you. I know you'll make it good."
"Babe, it'll be the best," I rumble, taking his hand and leading 
him towards my tent. On the way in I reclaim my shoulder 
holster and gun and bring it along with me.
I kneel down first and crawl through the tent flap onto the larger 
mattress pad and open sleeping bag I've already laid out inside. 
Mulder follows me, pushing the rifle ahead of him. We deposit 
the guns on the far end of the tent. This is a two man tent. 
Mulder has a single. Even so right now it seems small with both 
of us in it. But neither of us mind one bit. Mulder moves to one 
side and I reverse myself, zipping the entrance and sealing us 
in.
Mulder chuckles. I glance back at him as he takes in the 
confines of the tent.
"What?" I ask not getting the joke.
"I was observing that you have this thing staked down and tied 
off really well," he replies struggling not to grin.
"Always," I nod, still not quite getting his drift. "Uh...if a wind 
comes up..."
"Oh I wasn't thinking about a wind. I was thinking about the 
rockin' and rollin' it's gonna have to take. I wouldn't want us to 
end up in the lake," he smirks.
I bark a loud laugh and make a quick lunge at him, capturing 
the back of his neck with my hand. I pull him close and kiss him 
on the neck below his ear. He laughs. I pull back and cuff the 
back of his head playfully.
"It can take any shake, rattle and roll we can dish out, my man. 
So...come here," I growl and pull him down on top of me.
We wrestle a little. He tickles me in the ribs and I squirm even 
though I'm not really ticklish. We end up facing each other and 
Mulder rubs his hands through my chest hair.
"I want to see you naked again," he says, smiling into my eyes. 
"My pleasure," I smile back, reaching up to remove my specs. I 
place them near the guns and then I reach down to unzip my 
jeans. He helps me to wriggle out of them. My erection is 
straining at my jock. 
"Oh man," he groans, watching my cock twitch through the 
cloth of the strap.
"Take it off," I whisper and he does. His long fingers wind their 
way around the edges of the white cotton sheath holding me in. 
He grips the material on either side and pulls, yanking it down 
my legs until he reaches my feet with it. I shift and it falls free.
Mulder raises back up and I draw him close for another kiss. I 
gently rub my cock against his where it's still confined by his 
jeans. He moans. We play with each other's tongues for a few 
minutes and then break apart.
"Mulder. Do...do you recall what we did together as lovers?" I 
ask, caressing his bicep.
"I'm starting to recall a lot of sexual things," he muses, running 
his hand over my stomach. "This is really strange but I 
remember...I'm remembering things I did with women. I'm with 
some woman with an English accent and balling the hell out of 
her. And God help me...I'm starting to remember Diana. Man, I 
think I know why Spender had it so bad for her," he replies 
quirking an embarrassed grin.
"It's not strange. You had both men and women in the past. I 
was your first long-term lover though. I mean...do you 
remember anything you did with me in particular?"
"No," he answers at last, reddening slightly. "I take it...blow jobs 
were on the agenda, however."
"Yeah. I...both of us did our share of sucking cock. 
But...look...it's ok. We'll take this really slow. Like you said - we'll 
see how this goes and if anything turns you off, tell me. We 
won't go there, understand?"
"Got it," he smiles at me. Then he kisses my cheek. "At least I 
remember how to kiss."
"Oh yeah, you remember how to do that," I growl, moving in 
and plundering his mouth again. This time he humps against me 
with enthusiasm, grunting with pleasure. When we break apart 
he's panting. He breathes into my ear.
"I...I think...I know I'm familiar with just how good this feels for 
sure. I wasn't sure back in Godwillin whether I liked men even, 
but...Christ I sure as hell know I do now," he gasps as I rotate 
my crotch slowly against his.
"Let's get you out of these clothes," I gasp back at him.
He chokes a laugh.
"Yeah, I guess that's fair."
He's naked against me in short order and we're entangled, 
seeking as much contact of skin against skin as we can get. 
Every caress of his body is a revisiting of sweet familiar territory 
for me. I concentrate on all the wonderful things I love about 
him and reacquaint myself with each one. The lean muscularity 
of him. His well-developed shoulders, pectorals defined just 
enough to my liking. The sensitive nipples gracing those pecs. I 
tongue those until he's gasping under my mouth. I rub my face 
in the softness of his sparse chest hair.
I move down sucking, licking and tonguing as I go. Past his flat 
stomach down his long, supple runner's legs. I kiss his toes and 
on the return trip I work my way up to the wiry thatch of his 
pubic hair. I kiss into it and then I kiss his marvelous cock.
The scent of his arousal, that Mulder musk I remember so well, 
is heavy here. I'm almost dizzy with it. Mulder bucks up a little 
towards my mouth as I gently lap at the pre-cum leaking head 
of his penis.
"You want me to suck you?" I growl.
"Oh God...not...not yet...I want to touch you too," he almost 
begs. I smile at him and shift up, taking his mouth again and 
kissing him hard. He grabs my head, drawing me deep, making 
the kiss all-consuming until I'm on fire under his full lips.
He releases me and pushes me back. I fall over, lying flat on 
my back and he climbs up over me, pinning me beneath his 
weight. I grunt with pleasure and drop my legs open so he can 
settle against me.
"Is this all right?" he asks almost shyly, raising up on his 
forearms to look at me.
"It's very all right," I whisper and he smiles wide.
He starts to kiss me then, moving his mouth down in imitation of 
my earlier actions. His mouth is fantastically sensitive and erotic 
and he has me writhing under him very quickly. I want to show 
him how good it is for me so he'll gain confidence. Every moan 
I make is no exaggeration either. He's sending me into orbit with 
each lap of his tongue. When he brings his hands into play I 
groan, jerking under him as he traces the scars that crisscross 
my groin.
This is a whole new exploration for Mulder. I let him explore, 
reveling in the sensations his nimble exploring fingers and 
talented mouth elicit from me. He asks for guidance at points 
and I'm more than ready to instruct him. He's a quick study.
Finally we're just grinding together slowly, enjoying the feel of 
our pre-cum slick cocks slipping back and forth, up and down 
and around each other. Backing off, stopping, starting in slow 
again - keeping ourselves just below the point when we can't 
stop our climaxes.
We could get off just this way if we picked up the speed of our 
thrusts. But I don't want to come this way. I want a closer 
connection. I suspect Mulder would like it too. And I know a way 
to ensure he'll like it even more. I take his hips, striving to still 
them against me. He levers up and gazes into my face a look of 
confusion in his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he gasps, worry clouding his voice.
"Oh babe..." I caress his face to reassure him, "Nothing's wrong. 
You're fantastic. I...I just wanted to...I want you inside me. I 
want to come with you in me," I breathe out, rubbing my hand 
over his ass. 
"In you?" he asks, panting. He studies my face closely, his eyes 
heavy lidded with lust.
"Yes. I want you to fuck me up the ass," I smile, ruffling his hair.
"Oh man...I...yeah....God, yeah. But uh...show me...I don't want 
to hurt you."
"No problem. I'll tell you what to do. We...we've done this 
before, so you won't hurt me."
He nods, "All right. Tell me."
"We need lubricant. I...reach over there, in the backpack. 
There's a tube..." I let my voice trail off as he leaves me and 
fishes out the tube of KY-Jelly.
"You have a condom in here," he comments in a small voice.
Oh shit. A condom? I must have missed one. I thought I threw 
them all away. My guilt over all the men I'd sought solace with, 
including David Peabody, had preyed heavily on my mind. I 
was even more guilty because I hadn't told and still haven't told 
Mulder anything about David or those other men. I thought I'd 
tossed all the condoms before we left Godwillin. With the 
nanocytes we won't need them and I sure as hell didn't plan on 
using them with anyone else. Damn. That's what I get for trying 
to cover up. I feel my hard-on shrivel as Mulder turns and stares 
at me, his brows knitting together slightly.
"Mulder....I...sometimes I...." I start to try to explain and my 
voice gets caught in my throat.
He crawls back over and sits by my side fingering the condom 
packet. His erection hasn't faded one bit. I reach out and touch 
his knee. He carefully places the tube of KY-Jelly next to my 
thigh.
"You were lonely, Walter. It was six years. Even if I could 
remember your fidelity before I wouldn't blame you for taking 
comfort with someone else while we weren't together. I'm...I'm 
thankful you at least found some pleasure. It's not important," 
he replies, tossing the condom aside.
"I...I just needed the release with somebody instead of jerking 
off alone. I wanted the closeness of another warm body at night 
once in a while. It...it never meant anything. 
Sometimes...sometimes I was so disgusted with myself that...." 
I can't go on again.
All this is very hard for me to admit. It smacks of a weakness 
I've always been reluctant to admit to in the past. I used to find it 
very hard to discuss my feelings back then. Since the mass 
removal I'm woefully out of practice with discussing anything 
with anyone, much less my deepest wants, needs and fears. 
But this isn't the before times anymore and it's not the loneliness 
of the road. Things have changed. I need to change with the 
times too.
"Hey, it's ok, really," Mulder whispers, touching my lips. He 
bends, taking my chin, drawing my lips to his. He kisses me 
deeply. As he kisses me, he takes my cock in his hand and 
strokes me, bringing me deftly back to full hardness with a few 
tantalizing pumps.
When he releases my mouth and moves back, I moan.
"Jesus, I want you," I groan low.
He nods, smiling and picks up the lube. He shifts around to sit 
up between my spread legs, the tube in his hand.
"I used the lube when I jerked off...most of the time," I explain a 
little shamefaced.
"Oh. I bet it works better than spit," he replies, a sardonic return 
grin playing about his mouth.
I chuckle, "It works a lot better than spit in this case."
"So?" he asks.
"Move closer," I suggest. He complies. I raise my knees up and 
bring them tight against my chest, exposing my ass to Mulder. 
Mulder places his knees under my ass slightly, helping to 
support my weight. He strokes my glute muscles squeezing 
them, and I wriggle under his touch.
"Man, you've got a great butt," he grins. "These are pretty good 
too," he adds, moving to finger my balls in their sac.
"Oh baby, that feels good," I shut my eyes as he rolls my nuts 
around.
"Do I...the lube goes here somewhere doesn't it?" he surmises 
stifling a laugh.
"I need you to slick up your fingers."
I see recognition dawning on his face. I smile.
"Are you remembering?"
He gets a faraway look in his eyes. It's that look he gets that 
means he's accessing a forgotten memory and birthing it out of 
his unconscious mind. He focuses after a few seconds and 
smiles down at me.
"I need to prep you, yeah. One finger at a time, up that nice tight 
ass," he states matter-of-factly, smirking.
"Yeah, you better believe it's tight. You're gonna love it," I reply, 
grinning.
"Great. Tell me if it's ok, then," he asks, uncapping the tube and 
squeezing out a generous amount of the KY. "I should warm it," 
he whispers.
"Right. I'd appreciate that," I smile up at him. He chuckles and 
rubs the slick around on the fingers of his right hand. He shortly 
seems to feel it's warm enough and he moves his hand close to 
my anus.
"Ready?"
"Oh yeah, start with just one, slowly."
It's been a while since I did this with someone else so we need 
to take a little time. I've tried it a few times with my own fingers 
and once with a dildo I found in an abandoned adult toy store in 
Winnetka, Illinois. But to tell you the truth, it was never the 
same, and never as good as it is right now with the man I love.
I feel Mulder's gentle probing at my anus with his slick finger. 
He's feathering the opening lightly. Then he pokes and inserts 
his finger carefully. I grip a little lower, spreading my cheeks 
wider for him and he pushes his finger in slowly, up to the base.
"Oh yeah..." I sigh.
"Good?"
"Fuck yes. Now pull it out a little..."
"Got it, hang on..." he smiles, drawing his finger back and 
pumping it in again.
I shift my hands back up to grip the back of my thighs. I move 
my ass in time with the fucking motion of his finger. We quickly 
establish a rhythm and I shut my eyes in pleasure.
"Open your eyes," he whispers. I open them and stare up into 
his face. It's a little blurry but it's a great view. He's 
concentrating, but very excited. Sweat beads his upper lip.
"Try a second finger," I grunt. "But...don't angle forward. You'll 
hit my prostate. I'll come. I...not yet, ok?" He nods and takes the 
lube again. He adds a little more to his hand and then the 
second finger is in and moving along with the first.
Now I'm rocking against his hand in earnest, breathing heavily. 
My cock bobs back against my stomach. Trickles of sweat run 
down my face.
"You want three?" he asks, plunging his two fingers in deep and 
leaving them there for a minute while my ass muscles clench to 
try to take him even deeper.
"God...no. I want your cock."
"Ok. Hang on...lover," he replies softly. He quickly lathers his 
straining dick with lubricant without my telling him, and I shift on 
his lap.
"I'll put my legs over your shoulders," I advise him and he helps 
me to lift them into position. He settles between my legs again. 
His cock's right on target. He takes himself in hand.
"Just get the head in and then take my hips. You're gonna need 
to push," I breathe, my mouth open with my excitement.
"Walter..."
"Yeah, Fox?"
"You were right, this is the best," he grins down at me as he 
guides the head of his cock into my body.
I bend my head so I can watch him put himself inside me. God 
it's a turn on. He's biting his lower lip in concentration, being as 
gentle as possible and I can see the first inches of his flesh 
breach the opening. I stroke his hand where it grips my thigh. 
When he's got the head in he looks up at me.
"Take my hips and thrust slowly. You'll feel the head of your 
cock pop past a ring of muscle inside...Oh God..." I grunt. I'm 
lost for a second in ecstasy at the look of wonder on his face 
and the feel of his pulse beating inside me through the head of 
his dick.
"What?" he asks in alarm.
"S'ok...s'ok...it's just...good. You're good, babe. Just push. Do 
it." I moan.
He takes my hips and starts to thrust forward, grunting as well. 
"Oh fuck, it is good," he half laughs.
I laugh with pleasure as well. I can feel him hitting my sphincter. 
For a moment there's a burning pain, and I gasp. He stops 
instinctively and strokes my thighs a little letting me get 
accustomed to his cock trying to fill me.
"Go on?" he asks after a minute or two.
I nod and he takes my hips again. His next thrust pops him past 
the muscle and he moves smoothly, thrusting in up to his balls. 
He stops and leans over me then, breathing hard. We relax for 
a moment, savoring the feeling of having our bodies joined in 
intimate connection.
"You ok?" he asks, tenderness in his gaze.
"Oh yeah. Fine. It...it feels fucking incredible. Full. You're really 
hard. It's great."
"This is really tight, Walter. Fantastic. I...I don't think I'm gonna 
last when we get going here."
"Babe, it doesn't matter. Go for it. I'll take care of the rest," I 
whisper, reaching up to take my cock in hand.
Mulder's hands are still on my hips and he pulls back slightly 
and then thrusts forward again slowly.
"Ohhhh," I moan, shutting my eyes. I probably won't last either 
but it really doesn't matter. I feel like I want to cry with the sheer 
joy of this moment. After all this time I'm making love with 
Mulder and nothing could spoil it.
"Fuck," Mulder grunts hard as he starts to thrust in and out of 
my ass with long, strong pumps.
"Oh babe," I moan as he really starts to go to work. Man, I can 
remember how much I liked those strong runner's legs and ass 
muscles right now. He can really get a hard rhythm going and 
that's just the way I like it.
I buck up with his downstroke taking him in deep and the 
ecstasy is so overwhelming I can't help crying out with an 
inarticulate roar of triumph.
Mulder's gone, rolling and snapping his hips in rapid thrusts. 
Grunts of pleasure are torn from his chest with each rocking 
movement. I can feel how tight his balls are when they hit my 
ass. I know he's close. He's fucking me wildly, lost completely 
in the experience. He loses his rhythm and when he finds it 
again for a few strokes it hurts like hell. But I'm able to angle 
myself and the pain turns to mind-blowing pleasure. Mulder 
can't attend to my needs precisely, it's too much for him in the 
condition he's in. I'm beyond caring. Just having him in me and 
watching him do me is going to be more than enough to get me 
off.
The fact that he's not able to crank me is of no consequence 
either. I'm managing to pump my cock hard in time with his 
thrusts up my ass. Once he's back to consistent, fast thrusts, I 
can feel my climax climbing up out of my groin, licking along 
my nerves like a white hot flame.
Both of us are bathed in sweat and for a few seconds all that 
can be heard in the tent is the sound of wet flesh slapping 
against wet flesh. I take a few moments to bend my neck again 
to give me a clear view of where we're joined together. The 
sight of Mulder's engorged, slick cock drawing halfway out and 
then plunging into my ass again, forces a strangled sound out of 
my throat.
"Oh God, s'good," I finally moan, encouraging him.
"Yesssss," he hisses, grabbing one of my hands and squeezing 
my fingers hard.
Mulder's had his eyes shut in concentration but finally he does 
open them to gaze down at me. I look up and see passion 
making his eyes nearly forest green. His pupils are hugely 
dilated and his lips swollen from our earlier kisses.
"I love you," he gasps.
"...too," I pant.
"Come for me," he whispers back. I can tell he's trying to angle 
up to find my prostate.
I can't croak out a response I'm almost too far gone. I buck my 
hips, cranking my cock like hell and then I feel it inside. He's 
found the target. Oh God that's the best. My body arches up, 
my neck muscles strain tight and then I do manage to find my 
voice at last. 
"Uhhhhhh" I cry hoarsely as my whole body tightens, 
convulsing. A fantastic rush pulses through me and I crash over 
the edge into orgasm. Semen shoots out of my cock, spurting 
hard up over my stomach and chest in milky tendrils.
"Fffox," I groan, my hips humping spastically against Mulder. It's 
a wonderfully bone melting climax. It seems like I'm out of my 
body for a few moments, floating in a blissful white, crackling 
haze.
Even through the haze, I know my inner muscles have clamped 
down on Mulder's cock like a vice. I can feel his thrusts go 
totally out of control. He cries out suddenly, pumping twice 
more hard and then he erupts in me, sending a warm flood 
deep into my body.
"GOD!" he cries out and, his back arches, throwing his hips 
close against me and his cock in really deep. He moans, 
rocking more gently, emptying himself completely. I'm starting 
to return to reality and I hold onto his hands to steady him while 
he rides out the waves of his climax.
"So beautiful," I whisper, watching his face transformed in 
ecstasy. A fine sheen of sweat dampens him and his skin is 
flushed red from his efforts.
He opens his eyes, coming down at last and collapses heavily 
against my hips and ass.
"Jesus...Walter," he gasps, trembling. "I'll remember that," his 
gasp ends on a laugh.
I give out a gasping laugh as well, running my hands up and 
down his forearms. Then I grow serious.
"I'll never forget it," I reply gruffly, tears threatening to clog the 
back of my throat.
He nods vigorously, sweat flying off his hair, and I laugh again. 
We lie there for a few seconds just basking in the afterglow. 
Finally I have to shift my ass a little. My leg muscles are 
twitching and Mulder notices.
"I'll pull out. Hang on," he says, quickly.
He reaches down and grasps the base of his cock, pulling back. 
His flaccid length leaves my body slowly and I sigh with regret 
when a brief sucking sensation tells me he's gone. He helps me 
to lower my legs and I pull him close up onto my chest. He sees 
the semen there and runs a finger through it. I feel a smile 
twitch on his lips.
"This...this I do remember," he sighs in return.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I...I had flashes of us together...when...I came," he 
whispers. "The act that is - making love with you in...I don't 
know...some tropical place. You came like a rocket and I 
remember your cum hitting your chin," he replies chuckling a 
little.
"We went to Tahiti once, on vacation," I reply, stroking his hair. 
He rubs his face against my chest hair and strokes my 
stomach.
"But I really remember you holding me like this, Walter. 
Afterwards I mean," he adds quietly. "I know I always liked you 
to hold me afterwards."
"I love holding you...and being held. You did your share of that 
too," I reply, kissing the top of his head.
"Walter?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you...did you fuck me too?"
"Oh yeah. The first time we ever made love I did you that 
way...uh...but I wasn't sure you were quite up for that this time 
around. If...if you'd like we can give that a try next time."
"I'd like that, yeah," he answers, kissing my chest.
We lie there quietly again, touching a little and allowing our 
breathing to return to normal. It's just great to enjoy each other's 
company in this intimate way. After a while though I realize 
we're hot, sweaty and sticky and when Mulder's stomach 
growls loudly I realize, hungry as well. I chuckle and pat his 
shoulder.
"Listen, let's take a dip to clean up and then think about dinner. 
Your stomach sounds in dire need of refueling."
"Good idea, big man. I'm cooking tonight. What'll it be? Beef 
stew or beef stew?" he quips, making a joke out of our 
momentarily limited resources.
"Beef stew I think."
"All right. A dip and then Dinty Moore," he affirms, sitting up and 
giving my stomach a pat.
I grab his hand before he can shift away and kiss his palm.
"Mulder?" I ask after I pull my lips away.
"Yes."
"Forever," I say simply knowing in our case it's quite likely to be 
true.
"Forever," he echoes, smiling wide.
xXx
Epilogue
October 5, 2005, A guard post outside the Incorporated 
Township of New Ripon, Wisconsin
The rest of the trip to Wisconsin seemed to pass quickly. It 
wasn't totally uneventful however. Unfortunately I ended up 
having to kill a person outside St. Cloud, Minnesota. The guy 
got the drop on us at the one intact gas station that sits about 25 
miles away from the city. He'd already killed the owner and was 
robbing the place when we pulled up on the Harley. We must 
have scared the shit out of the guy because he hunkered down 
in the doorway of the building and just started firing like crazy. 
Mulder took a bullet in the leg and went down hard. That's when 
I pulled out my Smith and Wesson and dropped the killer before 
he could reload. As it turned out the deceased was wanted in St. 
Cloud for rape, robbery and murder so I guess my killing him 
was frontier justice although at the time it made me sick to my 
stomach. He was just a kid, and turned out to be all of 18 years 
old.
After that we stayed in St. Cloud for a couple of days just to 
regroup. We felt the need to shower, shave, eat a homecooked 
meal and then crawl between clean sheets for a couple of 
nights. And we wanted to make love again.
Mulder's leg wound disappeared promptly thanks to his blood 
buddies on board. It was the first time he'd really seen their 
repair work and when the nanocytes pushed the bullet out 
through the puckered healing skin, I caught and saved it for 
him. He's going to keep it to commemorate the occasion. We 
headed for the tavern and toasted the moment, and then we 
made a beeline for our bed in the rented room of the boarding 
house down the street.
The two nights we spent in St. Cloud were two of the best I can 
ever remember. It was as if Mulder and I were in perfect synch, 
perfect harmony. The first night Mulder wanted me to fuck him 
and I was so nervous my hands were shaking. I was so hot for 
him too. Hot and hard and ready, but scared half to death I'd 
hurt him. I went about the process of prepping him slowly and 
carefully, taking a long time to stretch him until finally the poor 
patient guy was begging for my cock. I needn't have worried 
about it. When I entered him it felt like 6 years had never 
elapsed and we were still in my bed in Villa Towers, making 
love for hours. He was so eager, so responsive and eventually 
so into it that I could hardly keep up. After that first bout we 
rested and then went at it again, fucking with complete 
abandon, this time with me on the receiving end.
I came three times in one night with him in St. Cloud. It was 
something I hadn't done in years. I know our feverish rutting 
was brought on by both the desire to bring an end to a long 
lonely drought as well as an affirmation of life and love. A 
covenant we were making in the face of the trials we'd faced 
already together. The trials we might face ahead in Ripon, 
Wisconsin.
When we lay in each other's arms after making love that 
second night, Mulder started to tell me he remembered almost 
everything. There were a few blanks but his memory had 
reasserted itself enough to know he loved me deeply in the 
before times. He knew he really had wanted to spend the rest of 
his life with me. I cried. I couldn't help it. I hardly ever cry and 
I'm still embarrassed I did. But my tears were tears of joy so I 
guess it was acceptable to let it all out. Mulder didn't seem to 
mind and he's never mentioned my blubbering.
In the dark of the boarding house bedroom he also told me he 
remembered what happened the night he and Scully were 
separated and he was caught by the National Guard. It was the 
same night I was captured and the same people were 
responsible...Alex Krycek, Diana Fowley and the Prince of Lies, 
Cancer Man, alias Jeffrey Spender's dear old dad. We were 
both relieved that his memories were for the most part intact 
again. We decided if it was possible we'd keep an eye out for 
Krycek and Fowley if they were still at large. Cancer Man is 
history. The only thing Mulder had to say about that turn of 
events was "I'm sorry I didn't put the bullet in him myself."
Leaving St. Cloud was difficult but we knew we had to go. At 
the dawn of the third day we packed up the Harley, checked 
out of the boarding house, and roared off down the interstate 
towards the Wisconsin state line.
Now, Mulder and I stand and wait by the Harley as the guards 
at the gate lounge around the brick guard station watching us 
with idle curiosity. We pulled up outside of New Ripon early in 
the morning. The gate is approximately a mile out of town, 
heavily guarded and they've set up a perimeter fence with 
guard stations at regular intervals. New Ripon isn't exactly 
where Old Ripon used to lie. It's a much smaller, manageable 
gated community where security is tight. The guards aren't 
unfriendly however, just wary. They know we have business 
because I showed them the photograph.
It appears Dana Scully is very well known in Ripon. She's one 
of the town doctors, a respected healer and scientist now. All 
the guards knew her and recognized her photograph. They sent 
word by field radio back into town and a little over an hour ago 
someone came out to greet us.
Melvin Frohike. He looked a little older and more grizzled than I 
remembered him of course, but his eyes still held a keen 
intelligence. He was open-mouthed in shock at first at seeing 
Mulder. Then he burst into tears. Mulder hugged him like a long 
lost brother. Frohike was babbling about how they had so much 
to tell him, and how Scully would flip out when she saw him, 
and a dozen other exclamations of excitement. He pulled up 
sober however when he contemplated the significance of my 
presence. He knew what Scully thought of me of course. 
Mulder assured him that it would be all right, he could explain 
everything and arrangements were made for Frohike to return 
to town and bring Scully out to the gate as soon as he could.
Now Mulder and I wait and watch nervously for their return.
"Walter, it'll be all right," he assures me as I kick at a rock in the 
roadway.
"Mulder...she cursed my name the last time I was here. You 
know she wouldn't see me. Frohike had to intercede then too. 
She blamed me for everything. I...she may still blame me no 
matter what you say." 
"But I'm here and alive and I can most certainly explain about 
Diana and Krycek's duplicity. She'll listen. She was always 
willing to listen."
I shrug and go back to the bike, checking to make sure our 
packs are strapped down securely again for the sixth time. 
Mulder comes over and strokes my shoulder, tenderly, seeking 
to comfort me. In the past I would have flinched away - would 
have worried about being seen having my lover touch me in 
public. Now I don't give a shit. We're way past those days. I 
simply don't care. In fact, I turn under his hand and gather him 
close, pulling him into my embrace so I can kiss him roundly. 
He melts against me, sighing and the guards behind the gate 
begin to clap and hoot. We make sure they get quite a show, 
Frenching each other hard and deep. When we finally break 
apart, a string of saliva stretches between our lips. I release 
Mulder and he stands there breathless, wiping our combined 
spit from his mouth. I gasp to suck oxygen into my lungs as 
well.
"Whoa, baby," Mulder gulps, wringing his hand out for effect.
One of the guards laughs with good humor and calls out, "Go 
for it, buddy." A short, fat, red-faced man comes out of the 
guard house and tells him in a thick Russian accent to shut the 
hell up. He catches my eye and gives me the finger, yelling in 
Russian.
"Ot'ebis'!" he snarls loudly. Fuck off? Oh yeah, we'll see about 
that, asshole.
I walk forward to get closer to the gate so he can see me clearly 
and not mistake what I'm going to do next. We're staring each 
other down as I saunter over. When I'm sure he's really about to 
blow up again, I grab my balls through my jeans, pull them, and 
my cock up, and rock my hips at him.
"Kurite moju trubku!" I shout back. The guy's eyes go wide and 
he blusters as the other men start laughing like hell. The 
Russian stomps off back into the brick house and Mulder stares 
at me open-mouthed. I let go of my crotch and walk back 
towards the Harley. 
"I didn't know you spoke Russian. And don't tell me it's 
something I don't remember yet. I know you never told me 
about it," Mulder states, eyebrows raising.
"My middle name 'is' Sergei," I chuckle.
"Ok. So...'I' don't speak Russian. What was all that about? I 
mean besides the obvious need to defend our right to PDA?" he 
asks, smirking slightly.
I lean against the Harley and cross my arms before I answer.
"He told me to fuck off," I growl, stifling my own burgeoning 
grin.
"And you told him?"
"I told him to 'suck my cock'."
"Seriously?"
"Oh very seriously."
"Well shit Walter...he didn't look like your type at all," Mulder 
replies, dissolving in laughter.
I bend over, hands on my thighs and crack up as well, and then 
I hear the sound of a car engine and my laughter stops in my 
chest. 
Both our heads jerk up as one and I straighten and stare off into 
the distance. An old army issue jeep is coming down the road 
full throttle. Two people are in the vehicle. A man and a woman. 
I can clearly see a shock of red hair on the figure in the driver's 
seat. 
"It's her," Mulder breathes out in a whisper.
"I'd say so," I answer, moving away from the bike and taking a 
few steps towards the gate.
I stop though, unable to go further.
"You...you go on ahead. It's you she really wants to see, Mulder. 
If...if she wants to see me..."
"She'll want to see you," Mulder assures me one more time, 
patting my shoulder as he leaves my side.
I watch him walk up to the gate as the jeep comes to a 
screeching halt on the other side. The two occupants jump out. 
It is Scully along with Frohike. Scully is yelling at the fat Russian 
guard to open the damn gate now, and the man looks like 
someone stuck an electric cattle prod up his ass as he runs to 
comply. I have to smile a little. Scully always did have an air of 
command hidden behind those proper dress for success suits.
She looks good. I squint into the afternoon sun a little, holding 
my hand up to shield my eyes in order to get a better view. She 
looks...really good. I frown slightly. Something isn't...she 
looks....my train of thought is interrupted as the noise from the 
gate opening distracts me and I watch Mulder jog forward. 
Scully comes forward slowly, her right hand up to her mouth, 
covering it. Her face is amazed and then she runs towards 
Mulder, her arms outstretched, crying out, "Oh my God!"
Mulder stops and waits for her to reach him and then he gathers 
her close and hugs her so hard he pulls her up off her feet. I 
look down at my feet and run a hand over the back of my neck. 
One part of me sighs in relief and a huge weight is lifted off my 
shoulders. They're meant to be together. Like Yin and Yang. 
This has been a long time in coming. The other part of me 
cringes inwardly because I'm not at all sure how she's going to 
react to my presence and what impact that's going to have on 
Mulder and my relationship. Scully knew he and I were lovers in 
the before times. The knowledge caused her to double damn 
me because she thought I'd seduced him in order to betray him 
all along.
So, I watch them hugging, and crying together with trepidation. 
Frohike bounces around them like a grizzled puppy, slapping 
Mulder on the back one minute and squeezing one of Scully's 
arms the next. It's a beautiful family reunion. Too bad yours 
truly is the friggin' black sheep in this family.
Mulder gently moves Scully back and he begins to talk, rapidly. 
He nods back in my direction as he speaks. Scully studies his 
face, shaking her head no. Mulder releases her and becomes 
even more animated and Scully crosses her arms in front of 
her, digging in for the long haul of stubborn denial. If I wasn't 
getting sick to my stomach I'd be laughing. It's just like old 
times. She's not buying it and he's determined that she will. 
They continue to argue and Scully looks down, scuffing her 
sneaker on the ground. She finally lowers her arms and looks 
up at Mulder again. Frohike is standing back, an observer just 
like me, as Mulder steps close to her and reaches out to touch 
her face. I can see tears glistening on her cheeks in the sunlight. 
Mulder speaks a few more words and she nods her head once, 
glancing in my direction.
Mulder takes her hand and they start to walk in my direction. I 
straighten up as they come forward, setting my shoulders, my 
back ramrod stiff. My heart pounds in my chest like a 
jackhammer. Dana Scully meant a lot to me at one time. I 
admired her as a hell of an agent and a hell of a woman as well. 
Her approbation of me was a knife that cut deep into my soul. 
As I watch her walk to meet me I'm praying she's not going to 
crush my hopes for reconciliation in the dust of the roadway at 
my feet.
Mulder stops and lets her walk on alone and as she draws near I 
stare in amazement. She's...she's unchanged. I mean she 
hasn't aged and her face is as finely chiseled and clear with that 
wonderfully fair porcelain skin I remember. My 
God...what...what could have... 
She stands in front of me, gazing up into my confused look of 
wonder and gives me a small hesitant smile. She clears her 
throat and I'm looking down at a Dana Scully who's unchanged 
from the last time I saw her over six years ago.
"Sir," she begins, studying my face closely.
"Agent Scully," I reply formerly.
"Welcome to New Ripon. Um...I think...I think we have a lot of 
catching up to do."
She extends her hand and I grasp it warmly. Her small hand is 
engulfed in mine but she returns the pressure and starts to 
pump my hand up and down with growing enthusiasm. Mulder 
begins to walk over to us, and he's smiling wide, his hazel eyes 
dancing. I smile at him and then I smile down into Scully's 
electric blue eyes as I make my reply.
"I guess we do, Scully. I guess we most certainly do."
-THE END-