TITLE: Choice AUTHOR: Ladyhawk EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me SPOILER WARNING: SR 819 RATING: PG CONTENT WARNING: none CLASSIFICATION: V, A SUMMARY: Skinner's reflection on the last two scenes of SR 819 Disclaimer: CC owns them all. Author's notes: This is my first, any help would be appreciated. Feedback wanted at funger1@hofstra.edu. Choice by Ladyhawk Exhaustion. I nearly trip as I enter my apartment. Groaning, I right myself, and turn on the lamp next to my armchair. My weight falls heavily into the chair, strain from the last three weeks dragging me down. My thoughts run rampant. Can I do this alone? Can I save them and myself? Death chose my path, but my heart chose not to take Mulder and Scully with me. The compassion and loyalty they gave me cannot be repaid if they die. The appearance of calm in the office this morning hid the fierce protectiveness that fueled my words. The identical looks in their eyes haunt me. Reflections of betrayal. But Mulder's eyes, for a moment, seemed tp peer right through me, to my fear for their safety, for their quest. As I sit here, paralyzed by the weight of my responsibility, I try to assure myself that this is the only choice I could live with, or die for. Obstructing Mulder's keen eye can only protect him. I can almost see Krycek's pretty-boy face reflected in the black face of my wall clock, threatening me and all that I try to protect. He has me by the balls, but I will not let him send my agents to their deaths in order to further his cause. The hand he plays has always changed swiftly. The information that he has given to us may be used against us later. The path I choose evens the odds. I will be the only one to suffer when he pulls the ace from his sleeve. If Krycek kills me, they can still continue. I will not die in vain this time. ------------------------------------------------ The weight of my conscience must have finally taken its toll because I find myself awakening as I hear my door opening. Instinct has me reaching for the gun at my side while feigning sleep. The figure I see between my slitted eyelids is not the one-armed Grim Reaper I expected. Hazel eyes regard me in the dim light. I continue my deception as I watch Mulder crouch beside my chair. But my body betrays me as I feel his hand gently laid on mine. My eyes open completely to gaze at the anger pouring from his expressive orbs. His voice thrills me and frightens me at the same time. "I will not let you die for us."