Date: Sun, 29 Mar 1998 22:00:00 +0900
From: Kiyoko Ishimura <GHB00253@niftyserve.or.jp>
Subject: Baccarat Piece: Firewall (1/2)

BACCARAT PIECE: FIREWALL (1/2)
By Kiyoko Ishimura
GHB00253@niftyserve.or.jp 


CATEGORY: SRA 

RATING: NC-17 

KEYWORDS: Mulder/Skinner Slash 

SPOILERS: None 

ARCHIVE: Yes

SUMMARY: Dilemmas are faced as Skinner adjusts to the
Deputy Directorship. 

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Walter Skinner and Dana Scully are
properties of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and Fox
Television. No copyright infringement is intended or
implied in their use in this work of fiction. 

Baccarat Universe belongs to Sean Spencer.

TIMELINE: This story occurs just a few weeks before BFIII.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one was originally my first attempt to 
write an XF fanfic, so I'm particularly glad it has been
completed.  Please drop me a line if you enjoyed it.

Probably, I could never thank Sean enough, who helped me 
literally A LOT with this one by giving me the suggestion and 
the advice on Americanisms, adding the new element to it, 
editing, fixing, refining it and above all things, by the
warm encouragement. 

Thank you Sean. Your support is truly invaluable.

Also my thanks go to Yoko, my best friend, who is always there 
for me.  Now it's a hard time for you but hold on.  It'll be fine. 

.................. 


Firewall

<1>


It was a cold January evening. Fox Mulder waved goodbye to
Scully as she drove off. They spent a long day in Baltimore
where Scully had done most of the driving.


Mulder shivered at the brisk evening chill. He entered the
lobby and waved at Conroy, the doorman. The mailboxes were
off to the side, near the elevators. The rich veneer of
burnished wood led a quiet elegance to the mailroom. Each
little mailbox with its highly polished brass plate was for
each of the apartments in the building.


Mulder took out his keys from his pocket and opened the
mailbox of 1704. He retrieved several business and personal
letters, all addressed to Walter Skinner. Once Skinner's
mail was collected, Mulder then opened his mailbox at 1001.
They had to be discreet; no one in the Bureau but Scully
knew he and Skinner were living together.


Mulder was exhausted, deprived and sad. It was one of those
bad days. He and Scully were assigned to a nasty case
involving missing children. It was fortunate that this was
the last day they had to spend in Baltimore. They tied up
all the loose ends and Mulder was glad he wasn't going to go
back and face any more stricken parents.


Most of the time, when he felt like this, Mulder could hurry
home and Skinner was there to listen and give him his two
cents' worth or just make him feel better. But not tonight.
Or, for that matter, for the past two months.


Walter Skinner, his lover, his life-partner, his everything.
Mulder put the letters into his briefcase and headed for the
elevator.


Skinner had been on a business trip for most of the week.
Again. Skinner's recent promotion to Deputy Director of the
FBI two months earlier caused his frequent absence. Even
the letters reminded Mulder that Skinner was not to return
very soon and he was going to spend another lonely night.
Mulder genuinely missed the older man. For the past two
months, a steady game of phone tag was all they had going
between them.


I shouldn't bitch about it, Mulder told himself. It must be
human nature to be greedy. Living with Walter for more than
five years has been great, and I've never been happier.
Once Walter's adjusted to being the DD, this too will pass
and things will be back to normal.


Mentally kicking himself, Mulder stepped into the elevator
and absentmindedly pushed the button. The day's fatigue
threatened to turn into a headache.


With a small ding, the elevator came to a halt. Mulder
walked out of it and made for their apartment, with his key
in hand. Mrs. Jackson, the housekeeper, would be gone by
this time. Mulder tiredly put the key into the hole but the
door didn't budge. His already short temper ignited.


"Damn!" Irritated and on impulse, Mulder banged on the door
with his fist. He then heard a young voice.


"Dad?"


The door opened. A frail boy of around ten with jet-black
hair, big brown eyes and pale skin stood before him. The
boy was obviously surprised to see Mulder and nervously put
his hand to his thin lip.


"Who're you?" he asked in a small voice.


"Uh, who are *you*?" Mulder hesitated, wondering who this
boy was. As he looked around, something seemed odd. Mulder
and the boy stared at each other in awkward silence. Then
Mulder realized what was wrong.


The door number said 1604, exactly one floor below Mulder's.
Their seventeenth floor home was more spacious than most of
the apartments in the building, as it had a second floor
and larger balcony. This one was just a single floor with
no stairway off the front door.


"Sorry, made a mistake. I live upstairs and I got off one
floor too early." Mulder smiled apologetically to the boy
and left quickly. Behind him, Mulder heard the boy shut the
door.


He really must have been absent-minded. Maybe he could use
a can of beer tonight to get a good sleep. On second
thought, what he really needed was Walter.


<2>


Another morning without Walter Skinner.


Mulder tried not to think about it as his rubber-soled feet
pounded on the pavement. He was running with Taylor or, to
be more precise, Taylor was dragging Mulder. Skinner's pet
was now so big and robust that it was good exercise for
Mulder to 'walk' him. Somehow, with the cheerful dog running
by his side, the agent found his morning runs more pleasant
and less monotonous. The morning air was freezing, but
Mulder felt fine. Fortunately, it still hadn't snowed this
January and he could still go running in the frigid mornings
without fear of a slick sidewalk.


Skinner was supposed to come back within three days and for
Mulder, the days weren't going fast enough.


Seeing the Crystal City apartment, Mulder put on a final
spurt and dashed for the entrance.


"Good morning, Mr. Mulder."


"Good morning to you, too, Conroy."


The doorman was a stout, middle-aged man who was always
smiling and reliable, but at the same time, his eyes were
ever conscious of the order in the lobby.


Mulder was still panting heavily. He walked around the
lobby for a few minutes as he waited to cool down. Taylor
was quite happy being scratched behind his ears by the
doorman.


"Hey, boy, did you have a good run, too?" Conroy asked the
dog. Taylor was yipping his yes, when a little figure
stopped at the sound.


It was that boy Mulder saw a few nights ago. Their eyes met
and there was slight recognition in the boy's face. He was
in his school uniform, clutching his backpack somewhat
protectively. However, his eyes were shining as he saw the
dog frisking at Conroy's feet.


"Hi," Mulder smiled. "D'you like dogs?"


"Um...yes." The boy hesitated but didn't leave the spot.
"May I touch him?"


"He won't bite, son." The doorman assured, smiling.


The boy cautiously reached out his hand. He knelt down by
Mulder and laughed when Taylor licked his cheek. The boy's
eyes brightened.


They were big brown eyes. Then Mulder noticed his eyes were
just like Skinner's. Impressive brown eyes, indeed. Mulder
smiled in spite of himself. In the school blazer and tie,
he looked exactly like a miniature Skinner. Maybe Walter did
look like him. Mulder was privately amused by his
impression of the kid.


"What's his name?"


"Taylor. He wants to give you a handshake." At Mulder's
subtle signal, the dog did the trick.


"Hello. I'm Andy. Nice to meet you."


"I'm Fox. I'm happy to meet you, too." Mulder shook the
boy's hand.


"Fox?"


"I bet you find it funny, huh?" Mulder was used to it.
People were always amazed or downright scornful that he was
named after an animal. But it was easier taking in a kid's
disbelief with his name, unlike the needling he received
from the VCS. 


"Is it your real name...Fox?"


"That's right. Fox Mulder, your neighbor overhead." Mulder
tried his best reassuring smile. He was good with kids.
More precisely, part of him was still a kid.


"I'm Andy. Andy Hager." They shook hands. It was when
Mulder saw a bruise on the boy's right wrist peeping through
the cuff. It was fresh and looked painful.


"Son, what happened to your hand?" Conroy's sudden comment
surprised both Andy and Mulder.


"I hit it against the door." The boy quickly put back his
hand.


It sounded more like a well-rehearsed answer. Mulder didn't
like Andy's reaction. He felt the sweat from the run
suddenly go cold down his back. The look on the boy's face
bothered Mulder. Almost instinctively, the agent searched
for other scars and bruises, but there were none.


"I have to go. My bus will be here in a second. Bye, Mr.
Conroy, Mr. Mulder."


Andy headed for the entrance, when a voice called out from
behind.


"Andrew, what are you doing here?"


A stern middle aged man was just walking out of the
elevator, clad in an expensive suit and coat.


"Dad!" Andy gasped.


"I told you not to hang around aimlessly. Shouldn't you be
waiting for your bus by now? You'll be late again!" Andy's
father snapped sharply at his boy. He was a man of sturdy
built with harsh, cold eyes. His sharp eyes told of his
intelligence, his clothes of his hefty income.


"But, Dad-- "


"I also told you never to back talk, Andrew. Don't you ever
remember a thing?"


A fearful shadow crossed Andy's pale face. The man behaved
as if Mulder or Conroy weren't in the vicinity.
Mulder winced inwardly; he didn't have to think twice of
whom the man reminded him. Andy's father looked at his
wristwatch nervously and spat out. "Look, *I* will be late
if you miss the bus and I'd have to take you to school."


"I'm sorry, Dad." Andy's look was pathetic.


Mulder almost stepped in to save the boy, when the man
glared at him.
The father dragged the boy to the entrance of the building
then got into his own car. The boy was left alone on the
sidewalk.


Mulder couldn't take off his eyes from the boy's little
sagging shoulders. Within a minute, a school bus arrived.


"Poor kid," Conroy sighed in sympathy. Mulder cocked an
eyebrow for further explanation. The doorman shrugged and
elaborated.


"Dad's always busy and strict with him. Often see him
sitting around there, all alone." He pointed the Spa adjacent 
to the lobby. "I've never heard him laugh, until today with the
dog, that is."


Considerably upset, Mulder retreated to his apartment. The
familiar discomfort was nagging at him. Mrs. Jackson was
already there and reminded him to hurry up.


A few minutes after his shower and while tying his necktie,
Mulder was still thinking about the boy.


Andy. Andrew Hager.


The name was vaguely familiar. Mulder's memory was eidetic.
If he found it familiar, he must have heard the name
somewhere.


.................. 


That night, Mulder had a nightmare. He was twelve years old
again and was back in his father's old townhouse in Boston.


He was standing in front of the fireplace, while Bill Mulder
towered over him. Fox was shaking. Fox knew what was
coming: he must have done something stupid and he was going
to be reprimanded by his father, who was staring at him with
those cold, cold eyes.


His back grew hot from the fire behind him. But he couldn't
move or complain. He was more afraid of his father.


Then Bill Mulder launched into an endless tirade of
reprimands about everything. His father never stopped
yelling at him and charged further toward him. Afraid his
father might hit him, Fox faltered and almost fell into the
fireplace. He screamed in terror as the fire licked his
back.


"No!!"


Mulder cried out and awoke in cold sweat. He reached for
the other side of the bed, but Skinner's reassuring presence
was nowhere near him at the moment. He had to content
himself with clutching one of Skinner's pillows, breathing
deeply of the faint scent of aftershave.


<3>


Mulder couldn't believe what just happened. He threw the
handset of the telephone across the basement office and
cursed. When he'd used up his repertoire of expletives, he
started all over again.


He angrily shoved his papers into his briefcase and grabbed
his topcoat and dashed out of the office. The basement
parking lot was freezing in this January night and as he
stuffed his things into the passenger seat of the Cherokee,
he regretted his impulse of not wearing his coat.


Mulder shivered as he waited for the car to warm up. He was
just in his shirtsleeves in the frigid Cherokee. He even
left his suit jacket in the office. He shivered again and
finally struggled into his coat. Then with another curse,
he stepped on the gas and recklessly maneuvered out of the
almost deserted basement parking.


The agent narrowly missed one of the columns and slowed down
a bit as he headed for the exit ramp out of the Hoover.
Finally, when he was out onto the street, he paused a while
and looked up at the building. From his vantagepoint,
Mulder could see the only lit window on the seventh floor.


He grew angry with himself. Mulder shook his head furiously
then gunned the engine of the Cherokee. He couldn't believe
that he'd actually stopped his car and pined away on the
street. Especially with what just happened.


Mulder turned up the volume of his car stereo. The heavy
metal music was just right for his sour mood and it
encouraged him to speed along the slush of the deserted DC
streets. It was midnight on a weekday when most people were
already in the warmth of their homes.


A few turns here and there and when he was on the
expressway, Mulder speeded up some more. Viva Tower's
silhouette was within Mulder's sights when the Cherokee
suddenly slid into a 180-degree turn on the black ice.


It was fortunate that the streets in the dead of night were
deserted or else Mulder would have had an accident. Mulder
shakily let out the air from his lungs; then he slowly
turned the Cherokee around. The almost mishap suddenly
cleared the agent's head and he drove home at a safer pace.


Mulder shut off the engine and dispassionately calculated
that he'd only taken 7 minutes to get home. Automatically,
he retrieved his things from the car, headed for the
elevators, and entered the apartment in no time. Taylor was
frantic by the time he was home. Mulder took the time to
walk him for just a few minutes.


Once they were back, Mulder found himself still too wired
up. Against his will, Mulder recalled the conversation that
had infuriated him.


Of course he knew that he wasn't supposed to call Skinner
when they were in the Hoover. Now that the older man was
the Deputy Director, there was less of a reason for Skinner
to receive calls from a lowly agent without arousing
suspicions.


But whose suspicions were going to be aroused at midnight in
the almost deserted Hoover? Hell, they hadn't had a real
conversation for some time now. The brief phone calls from
various hotel rooms were superficial and fleeting, a
testament to the new DD's punishing schedule.


Skinner flew in from the New York offices tonight and didn't
even bother to come home to drop off his things. Instead,
he went straight to the office.


Once he knew that the DD was back in his new seventh floor
office, Mulder had picked up the phone in the basement
office and dialed Skinner's direct line, just to say hello.
But Mulder was taken aback at the angry rebuff that greeted
him. Skinner wasn't just angry, he was furious. Mulder had
never seen him so angry over a simple phone call.


After tiring of the mindless images on television, Mulder
decided to go to bed. He always reverted to his old
sleeping habits when Skinner was away from home for long
periods of time. Mulder used to think that he could get by
on only four to five hours of sleep a night. But these
days, he felt so run down. He wasn't getting by all those
years when he was alone on those few hours of sleep. Having
Skinner beside him in bed was the reason that he had a full
night's rest.


It was even later when Mulder heard Skinner enter the
bedroom. His bedside clock read a few minutes after two.
Through half-closed lids, Mulder watched as Skinner
stripped. The agent grew angry with himself for getting
hard just by looking.


It had been more than a month since they last made love and
even if he was angry with his lover, Mulder still wanted
him. But Mulder didn't miss Skinner running a tired hand
over his eyes after washing up in the bathroom. It was
apparent that the older man was exhausted.


Once he felt Skinner slipped into bed, Mulder closed the gap
between them and gave his lover a brief kiss on his
shoulder. The older man's scent comforted him as he drifted
off.


The next morning, Mulder woke to his alarm. Despite being
furious over what Skinner said last night, Mulder still
couldn't help it. At first he cuddled against his lover and
when Skinner didn't move, Mulder cuddled up some more. He
tried running a hand over Skinner's stomach, then he kissed
the older man's neck. But Skinner's snoring didn't change
in tone.


The agent continued with his attempts to rouse Skinner in
more ways than one. Mulder intensified his kissing and his
hands busily went over more of Skinner's torso. Finally the
older man's right eye opened.


"I'd like some consideration, please?" Skinner said and
turned away from him in irritation.


It was as if someone threw cold water on him. Mulder stood
stock still for a moment. Yeah, maybe he should take
Skinner's tiredness into account. The agent padded into the
bathroom with a definite slump of resignation on his
shoulders.


Once Mulder emerged from his cold shower, he glanced over at
the bed. His lover was still asleep. Reluctantly, Mulder
kissed the older man's forehead and went to work.


The day ran Mulder ragged. AD Wilson expected a full report
and hauled Mulder on the carpet for leaving too soon from
the case in Baltimore.


"But, sir, the Baltimore regional office clearly stated that
they would take over the final verification of the
evidence," Scully tried to protest.


Instead, they got a lecture from their AD concerning
thoroughness in the field and were told to go back and make
sure everything was done right. It was early evening by the
time he and Scully returned to their basement office. It
took another three hours for them to secure the files and
discuss their next investigation.


Mulder pointedly didn't look up at the seventh floor when he
pulled out of the Hoover that night. He was sure that
Skinner would still be up there.


True enough, when Mulder returned home, Taylor was all alone
and antsy. The agent walked Taylor a long time and when
they returned to the apartment, Mulder was worn out. He
hurriedly packed his things after a quick dinner and it
didn't take long before he was asleep on the bed. He left a
light on at Skinner's bedside for the older man. Not soon
before drifting off to sleep, Mulder felt the dog get into
bed beside him.


"Babe, you awake?"


Mulder muzzily opened an eye. It was a weird question. You
didn't need to ask that of someone at two in the morning.
Mulder muttered something incoherently and turned his head
away from the lamplight. He felt Skinner's hand on his hair
and again Mulder tried to shake off the hand. He still
remembered Skinner's reprimand of the night before and this
morning's outright rejection.


But it seemed that Skinner was persistent as Mulder felt the
older man purposefully kissing his back.


"Walter..." Mulder tried to say he was as tired as Skinner
was this morning when the older man had said something about
consideration for his exhaustion.


"Fox, come on," Skinner insisted, his voice hoarse with
need. "I want you bad."


The older man was now tugging down his boxers. Mulder still
hadn't told Skinner if he wanted to, but Skinner was
starting to kiss him. The older man kept murmuring in his
ear how much he needed Mulder with that deep sexy voice.


Damn. It was that intense well-focused kissing again, the
kind that never failed to take his breath away. Mulder was
still debating on whether to acquiesce but Skinner was
determined.


"Walt..." Mulder was trying to tell him to slow down. He
was barely awake. He gasped when he felt the older man's
hand go between his legs. Skinner cupped his buttock, then
a finger slid inside him. They'd barely started but Mulder
himself knew that this was their last opportunity to be
together for some time. He remembered this morning's
attempts to rouse Skinner, to get precisely this response
from him. Mulder turned on his stomach and split his legs.


He felt Skinner's large hand on each of his buttocks,
parting it. But he groaned in disbelief and pain when he
felt the rough entry.


"Christ! Hurts...!" The pain stuck further words in his
throat. There wasn't enough of the lubricant and he wasn't
sufficiently stretched, especially after a lull of almost
two months.


He went rigid first and then attempted to buck off the
bigger man from him. But Skinner's grip was too strong.
Each thrust was raw fire. Disbelief that this was happening
to him made Mulder speechless. The older man misinterpreted
his gasps of pain as ones of pleasure. Mercifully, it was
over quickly. Skinner sighed, gave him a perfunctory kiss
on the neck and pulled off him and was asleep.


Mulder kicked the older man, but Skinner didn't stir.
Mulder moved to his side of the bed and assessed himself.
He was still trembling. The burning subsided and was
replaced by a deep throbbing ache. When the pain didn't
disappear after a few more minutes, he staggered to the
bathroom. It was a while before the bleeding stopped.


Mulder realized that he couldn't wait to go to Tennessee.
But he dreaded the plane ride.


<4>


It was a Sunday afternoon and the sleety raindrops tapped
against the window incessantly. The weather had warmed up
yesterday and now it was raining, in January.


Walter Skinner abruptly woke up from dozing on the couch in
the den. This was the first time he felt he didn't have to
do anything at work and when he thought again, he was
surprised to find that all his paperwork was finished.


The apartment was silent with none of the little noises and
movements that signified Mulder's presence. The agent was
still in Gatlinburg. Skinner was suddenly acutely aware of
how much he missed the younger man. It seemed that it had
been sometime since they last talked or just sat down and
had dinner together.


Skinner stood up and went up to Mulder's study. He found
Mulder's itinerary on his desk. Skinner winced when he
found his own set of old itineraries. There was quite a
pile of it already.


Skinner preferred calling Mulder over the regular line
instead of the cell phone. If he called the motel and
Mulder answered, Skinner was sure that the younger man
wasn't out on the field and was busy. Mulder also had this
annoying tendency to leave cell phones all over the
continental United States or have "low batt".


The DD punched the phone numbers, asked for Mulder and was
connected to his room.


"Mulder."


"Hello, Fox," Skinner said. He smiled when he heard
Mulder's voice. "How's Gatlinburg?"


"S'okay. I can't talk right now," Mulder said. Skinner
noticed the clipped tones. "I've got work to do."


"Is Scully with you?" Skinner asked, wondering at Mulder's
abruptness.


"No, but I have work to do."


"Fox, baby, I've--"


"I told you, I can't talk right now. Bye, Walter."


Skinner shrugged. He assumed that Scully must have been
with Mulder in the same room despite his previous denial. Or
else, someone from the regional Bureau must have been with
the agent.


It had been a tough two months since Skinner became Deputy
Director. The difficulties in the transition period was
more than each of them expected with so much frustration,
misunderstanding and missing each other.


Sure, he had talked about his promotion with Mulder
beforehand, but he seriously doubted that Mulder would
object. The younger man had known Skinner's ambition well
and virtually had no choice or say in the matter.


Skinner felt he should be able to handle all the challenges
and stress from his job. Just like he'd handled most, if
not all, of his life's adversities so far. And yet, he
couldn't wipe off his own guilt toward Mulder. It was his
own decision to take the Deputy Directorship.


The DD angrily shook off the uneasy feeling. Maybe Mulder's
tendency to feel guilty about everything was rubbing off on
him.


<5>


Mulder returned home a week later. The events in Gatlinburg
were draining. Mulder never thought that he, the "FBI's most
unwanted", would be someone the local sheriff trusted. Tom
Colton was still his abrasive, sneering self, making little
digs at Mulder. The local sheriff was pissed off with
Colton, and Mulder was hard put to referee disagreements
between the local law enforcement and the regional branch of
the Bureau. Colton kept challenging him to find an X-file
in the case, when he knew perfectly well that the X-file
team was just within the VCS jurisdiction for this case
only.


Colton still seethed at Mulder, convinced that he ended up
in Tennessee because of the Tooms case. Mulder bit his lip.
He couldn't tell the bastard that Skinner was the one who
transferred him out of HQ because of overall dissatisfaction
with his performance. But Mulder wasn't about to share this
piece of data. He would never inadvertently exhibit that he
was privy to more than ordinary office gossip.


Scully was on Mulder's side and had come to see Colton as
someone to be barely tolerated.


It was only six in the evening, but Taylor was nowhere to be
found. Mulder checked the rooms and discovered Skinner's
briefcases in the bedroom and the older man's clothes neatly
hung on his wooden valet. Most likely, Skinner went out for
a walk with the dog.


Mulder scratched his head. This was the first time in
recent memory that Skinner was home so early. The agent
tossed his things and fell back on the bed. After a few
minutes of rest, he rose up and headed for the kitchen. As
always, Mrs. Jackson's dinner was there for heating. Mulder
took a can of iced tea and drank as he went about setting
the table and preparing the rest of the dinner.


He heard the front door open and listened as he heard
Skinner's footfalls go up the steps to the bedroom. After a
while, the DD's voice called from upstairs.


"Fox! Can you clean up your mess?" Skinner's voice sounded
indignant from upstairs.


Mulder puffed up his face, counted up to ten then blew out a
lungful of air.


"Okay," Mulder dejectedly called out. He ascertained that
the oven was set at the right temperature and nothing was
burning before he went up with leaden feet up the stairs and
into their bedroom.


Skinner had his arms crossed and was disapprovingly eyeing
the strewn luggage on the floor. Mulder stuffed all the
clothes back into the luggage and the two pairs of shoes he
returned to the closet.


Mulder wanted to smart mouth at his lover, but he pushed
down the urge. He was too tired to start an argument and
wanted to spend a quiet, unstressed evening.


At first, dinner was uneventful. Mulder searched Skinner's
face for any sign of apology but it was obvious that the DD
wasn't even aware of anything amiss. Mulder winced when he
remembered the first two days in Gatlinburg.


Mulder vowed to tell Skinner later that it had been less
than fun last time, a lot less fun. But Skinner's phone
rang and another round of work started for the DD. Another
administrative crisis warranted Skinner's attention and he
spent most of the evening on the phone.


By the time Mulder was ready for bed, Skinner was still
fielding phone calls. The agent buried himself under the
covers to drown out the incessant ringing of the telephones.
He drifted off to Skinner's voice reprimanding someone.


An unnamed nightmare assaulted his sleeping brain that
night. Mulder woke up abruptly. He gave a violent start
and rolled onto his back.


"You okay?"


Mulder rubbed his eyes and found Skinner beside him on the
bed. It was the middle of the night, but Skinner was still
awake. CNN was droning from the television. The older man
was patting his arm and for a minute, it seemed like old
times. Mulder turned away.


"You must've been through a lot," Skinner said as he gently
stroked Mulder's back. Lately, Skinner was not very
familiar with the cases assigned to the X-files.


"Yeah, but it's not the first time I felt like this,
either."


At first, Mulder didn't want to turn to Skinner, but the
funny disorienting feeling inside him after the nightmare
was too much. He reluctantly faced the older man and only
found genuine concern. In an attempt to drive away the
slight depression, Mulder shifted on the bed and rested his
head on Skinner's chest.


"Fox," Skinner cleared his throat. "Isn't there anything
you want to discuss with me?"


"What do you mean?" The younger man was slightly flustered
by the question that seemed to come out of the blue.


"I mean, anything, particularly about my new post. If you
think something isn't right, please tell me."


"Walter," Mulder was touched by the older man's kindness but
he didn't dare raise his head from Skinner's chest.
"Thanks. But you know me after a nightmare. I can't talk
about anything right now. I'm fine."


"You sure?"


Mulder put his hands around Skinner's shoulder and kissed
him lightly. Maybe things were okay now.


"Yes, I swear, sir."


Then something on television caught Mulder's attention. In
a news flash, an on-the-scene reporter was relaying the news
of a multiple pileup on the freeway. Mulder gasped in shock
and Skinner felt the younger man's body tense instantly. A
fire fighter was carrying a small child covered with blood
out of the wrecked car and disappeared from the picture.
Skinner bitterly remembered that terrible accident in which
Mulder had been badly injured, and hoped it wouldn't haunt
him anymore.


Mulder wasn't thinking about that.


He found the small piece of the puzzle: he remembered why he
recognized the Andy Hager's name.


<6>


Dana Scully was surprised to find her partner already in
their basement office up and running that Monday morning.
Mulder was never so early on Monday mornings since he and
the Deputy Director had been living together. Today,
however, he was busy rummaging through the filing cabinet.


Scully knew that Mulder had been deeply affected by the last
case. Even she herself had broken down from the stress and
wept in front of John, her husband when she had returned
home last Friday. All the missing children had been found
dead, there was still no viable suspect and the case was
left dangling.


"Morning, Mulder. What's you're up to?"


"Uh, maybe nothing." Mulder didn't even look up from his
desk. That's patent Mulder, Scully mused. When he was
intently focused on something, his normal good manners flew
out the window. Apparently Mulder was searching the
Bureau's database.


Maybe he wanted to forget the last case, Scully thought.
She let Mulder indulge in his new interest. Anything would
be better than watching a depressed, sad-eyed Mulder.
Scully left her tiny desk for a cup of coffee.


His memory was correct. After checking the police database,
Mulder found out more about Andy and the Hager family. That
belligerent father, Stephen Hager was a prominent director
of a prestigious venture corporation, previously married
and with three kids.


About two years earlier, however, Hager lost his wife, elder
son and young daughter in a car accident on the DC freeway. 
His wife Sarah was driving with five-year old daughter Abbie 
in the front seat. The elder son Larry, a junior high student, 
and Andy were sitting in the back seat. Only Andy miraculously 
survived the terrible car crash with minor injuries.


It was determined that the cause of the accident was a blown
flat tire. The Hager's Volvo station wagon spun and crashed
into the median strip and eventually caused a three-way
fatal pileup.


Mulder's memory shuffled in his brain and he remembered
watching that news shortly after his recovery from his own
accident. He had shivered with horror and nausea, imagining
the little girl, the boy and the mother perishing in the
burning car. He remembered wondering about the fate of the
surviving boy who must have been deeply traumatized.


The personal data perfectly matched with the Hagers in
apartment 1604.
Father and son moved there less than a year ago. No wonder
little Andy seemed so lonely and his father devastated.
Mulder sighed deeply and looked for an appropriate folder to
keep the printout.


He wondered what would have become of Walter if he were
killed in that accident. On the other hand, what would his 
own life be like if Walter hadn't survived that nasty case of
appendicitis? Those morbid thoughts sent a chill down
Mulder's spine.


Nevertheless, Mulder didn't like the way Andy had been
treated by his father in the lobby. That bruise and the
scared look on the boy's face were still fresh in Mulder's
memory.


Mulder left the Hoover exactly at five o'clock. Scully was
suspicious, but there was nothing pressing in the X-files at
the moment. She looked up from her desk as Mulder mumbled a
good bye and left with his coat and a folder in his hand.


Mulder drove home and parked his Cherokee beside Skinner's
car in their parking space, then directly went to the lobby.


The Spa was well visible from there and Mulder was surprised
at the number of people, mainly mothers and kids who were
relaxing in the indoor heated pool. Mulder never thought 
so many kids lived in the building. Apparently, the cold winter 
weather outside drove the afterschool activities to the
condominium's heated paradise on the first floor.


Mulder himself spent time swimming in the pool in the dead
of night when none of the kids were around. Just like in
any other aspect of his present private life, he avoided
unnecessary exposure in this apartment.


Conroy spotted him and pointed out Andy for him. The boy
was sitting on the bench at poolside and was watching the
people. Surrounded by these happy mothers and kids, Andy
seemed terribly alone. 


Mulder made his way toward the small figure on the bench.


Watch your step, you seasoned troublemaker. This could be a
potential minefield. A small voice echoed in Mulder's head.


There is still no hard evidence of child abuse, just your
hunch. The Hagers are your neighbors. Your and *Walter's*
neighbors. Making trouble at home and attracting attention is 
the last thing you need.


However, if Hager was really abusing Andy, Mulder could pick
up enough evidence and notify the proper authorities. An
abused child was often too paralyzed with fear to do
anything for himself. Mulder knew it, because he'd been
there.


"Hey, Andy." Mulder called to him casually.


Andy looked around and was surprised to see Mulder.


"Mr...Fox Mulder?" He looked at Mulder from top to toe and
remembered him as the one who mistakenly tried to enter his
home and the one who had the nice dog.


"So you remember me. How ya doing?" Quickly, Mulder also
did a once over on Andy. The agent couldn't make out any
overt bruises but there were definite signs of neglect. The
school uniform was too worn and the boy's hair was roughly
cut. The incongruity of the shabby school uniform bearing
the school patch of one of DC's most expensive schools
wasn't lost on Mulder.


Mulder also noticed the boy had an aged chess book on his
lap.


"Fine, thank you." Andy seemed confused but wasn't
threatened.


Mulder looked at the pool. "Do you like swimming?"


"I don't know, I've never swam."


Mulder was taken aback.


Andy saw the look on the agent's face and he hastily added,
"But it's interesting. I like watching these guys having
fun."


"I see. Mind if I join you?"


"No. Did you come from work?"


"I'm still working."


"Working? Here?" Andy asked suspiciously. "How come?"


"Investigating. I'm trying to catch the bad guys." Mulder
teased him.


"Really? Are you a police officer?"


"Sort of."


Mulder saw the curiosity and admiration on boy's face. If I
told him that my specialty was EBEs or UFOs, what would he think
of me?


"May I see your ID?"


Mulder hesitated for a second, but he drew his credentials
from his jacket and showed it to the boy. It would be
helpful for the kid to know someone from law enforcement was
nearby, in case of an "emergency".


"FBI? You are really an FBI agent? But..."


"But, what?"


"You don't look...very menacing and...strong," Andy gulped
when he realized what he'd said.


Mulder had to smile at this honest comment.


"I'm sorry, Mr. Mulder." Andy blushed with the
embarrassment. "I thought that you may be a teacher or
doctor or something."


"It's okay. Sometimes, I even catch the bad guys."


Andy giggled. His face dimpled when he smiled.


Seeing Andy relaxed, Mulder decided to probe further. "Who
do you play chess with?"


"What?"


"Your chess partner," Mulder pointed to the book. "Your
dad, maybe?"


As if slapped in the face by the question, Andy tensed.
"No."


The boy turned silent and got to his feet. "Mr. Mulder,
I've got to do my homework."


"Andy..."


"Goodbye, Mr. Mulder." Andy fled the bench, then stopped
after a few hasty steps. He looked back hesitantly. "Mr.
Mulder?"


Mulder waited for the boy to speak up.


"Will you...would you tell me more about your work, maybe
later?"


"Of course. We can meet here. Say, after you finish your
homework and if I am around here...after eight?  How about
that?"


"Great." A smile of relief returned to Andy's face.
"Thanks."
And he was gone.


Mulder sighed and watched the boy get on the elevator. His
heart was heavy. Now he almost knew what was going on in
the Hager household.


<7>


"Child welfare."


The phone was answered on the seventh ring by a husky voice
of a female operator. She sounded tired already even if it
was only nine in the morning. The welfare center must be
really busy, Mulder noted with commiseration.


"I'd like to report a suspected case of child abuse."


As Mulder waited to be put through to the hotline, he
thought about himself. When he was a child, there was
nothing like a child abuse hotline. If there were, would
things have been different with his father? His mother?
Mulder was not so sure.


"Hotline." A crisp female voice. Mulder briefly explained
Andy's situation, of his suspicion of child abuse and some
information regarding the household.


Mulder hated himself for placing the anonymous phone call.
Here he was, an officer of the law, but he was cowardly
resorting to a child abuse hotline. But all he could think
of was lying low in the building so as not to jeopardize the
home he and Skinner had made for themselves.


"His name is Andy...Andrew Hager," Mulder finished.


"I see. Hold on a minute". He heard the sounds of tapping
against the keyboard as the operator typed in the
information. Maybe those sounds could be a step to end
Andy's misery, Mulder hoped.


"Did you say Andrew Hager?"


"Yes."


"This case has been already reported and is currently being
investigated."


"Are you sure? When?" Surprised, Mulder asked.


"Earlier yesterday. We received an anonymous complaint.
Your call acts as confirmation of the first complaint,
though."


"I see. Thank you. Bye." Mulder hung up. He wracked his
brain as he wondered who the other caller might be. At the
same time, a great relief washed over him with the knowledge
that he wasn't alone in his suspicions and that someone else
was concerned with Andy's well being. Mulder concluded
that it might be one of those mothers frequenting the Spa.


At that moment, Scully came back to the office with her
coffee mug. She noticed Mulder had a faint smile on his
face.


"Some good news, Mulsder?"


Mulder raised his eyebrows at Scully and nodded, but he
didn't bother to elaborate. Not expecting any answer,
Scully put the mug on her desk and started on her paperwork. 
The phone rang again after a few minutes.


"Mulder," In the next instant, his expression changed
subtly. "Yes, sir." As he hung up, he gave a meaningful
sidelong glance at his partner.


"That was AD Wilson." Next moment, Mulder was all
professional and was in his back to work mode. "Scully, we
have a new case."


They stood up and headed for the AD's office.


<8> 


Three days later, Stephen Hager was furious. In silence, he
drove home with Andy all silent in the passenger's seat.
Hager had just been released from the local police station
where he had been interrogated. He was suspected of child
abuse. At first, he thought that it was some bad joke when
the social worker made a call to his office and demanded to
see him.


Child abuse! Remembering the veiled insults of the social
worker and the accompanying police officer only infuriated
Hager all the more. He refused to answer any of their
questions and called his lawyer.


Hager mouth was dry as he drove through the evening street.
He resisted the urge to bark at the timid figure sitting
right next to him.


When has disciplining your own child been a crime?


The social worker informed him of the "anonymous complaint"
from the child welfare agency. Hager couldn't think of
anyone and assumed that it was some nutcase from Viva Tower.


They interviewed him and on the advice of his lawyer,
allowed Andy to be interviewed a while later. But they
couldn't prove that he was an abusive father. Hager had
been embarrassed at the accusations especially since his
lawyer was a good friend from his fraternity days.


Of course the social worker couldn't prove anything.


I'm not abusing Andrew, Hager told himself angrily. It's
just legitimate, well-deserved discipline.


Hager gritted his teeth. Andrew was too weak, so weak that
he caused the death of his beloved family. Just remembering
their faces caused the sharp, unbearable pain in Hager's
chest. He saw red. The image was too vivid and would not
fade in his memory, no matter what he tried. How he loved
his beautiful wife, sweet little girl and his precious elder
son...


He gave a sidelong glance at Andy, all rigid and silent
beside him in the car. Anyway, I have to be careful, Hager
noted with disdain.


At least for a while.


It was fortunate that he hadn't hit the boy except when it
had been absolutely necessary to teach him a lesson.


But Hager was not going to let *anyone* interfere with how
he handled his own son. And he was determined to find out
who the "anonymous complainant" was.


Andy shuddered with apprehension. What would happen once he
and Dad entered their apartment? A thorn of regret stung
his little chest, as he should have told that gentle officer
everything back there.


"You don't have to be afraid, son," the police officer had
said. "You don't have to hide anything. We just like to
know if your daddy ever hit you. We'll try to help you and
your dad."


Andy really wanted to tell that officer that he was not very
happy with his dad. Dad was always angry with him and
always scolded him and hit him sometimes. It hurt when Dad
hit him. But Andy knew that it was okay for Dad to hit him.
Because Mommy and Abbie and Larry died because of him.


But Andy kept his mouth shut before the police officer and
the social worker. The boy knew, if he said anything to
them, his father would never forgive him. That his dad
would never love him. Andy so badly wanted to be loved by
his dad. He always tried to follow the rules all the time
but sometimes, his dad made new rules out of the blue and
Andy could never keep track of them all.


So Andy didn't tell anything specific. Maybe, Andy hoped
desperately, dad would be gentle with me, because he knows 
I didn't think bad of him.


Dad. Please don't be mad at me. I'll be a good boy.
Please don't be mad at me.


Andy repeated his silent prayer over and over as their car
entered the basement parking lot.


Hager angrily parked the car and got out. He walked with
long strides in the parking lot with Andy having to hurry to
keep up with him. Hager gave another irritated glance at his
son. It was getting really hard to suppress his anger. He
had to go to his apartment and have a drink as soon as
possible.


<9>


Mulder and Scully were able to wrap up the case in
Albuquerque within a week. It was really not an X-file, but
Mulder was satisfied with the work he and Scully did there
as he finished typing up his report in the basement office.


Once he saved the Albuquerque report into his hard drive,
Mulder shuffled around the papers and files in his drawer
and found Andy Hager's file. Suddenly remembering
everything about the boy, Mulder searched the police
database to find out if his complaint had been acted on in
his absence.


After a few minutes, Mulder forehead creased worriedly at
the computer display.


The charges against Stephen Hager were dropped. Mulder
could tell that Hager's slick lawyer handled everything.
According to the report, there was no evidence of physical
abuse and that his discipline methods were not beyond the
norm. The medical examination and tests didn't reveal any
signs of abuse like old fractures, scars, burns or bruises.
The psychological testing only showed a reserved well-
adjusted boy who was still undergoing the grieving process.
Stephen Hager was cleared of all charges and the case was
closed.


Mulder slapped the desk in frustration. As Mulder had
feared, emotional abuse and neglect were much harder to
prove and it seemed that the social worker didn't delve
deeply enough into Andy's case. Most probably, the workload
of the social worker didn't allow for a more thorough
investigation.


Mulder sighed and logged off from the database. At the very
least, this little incident might have frightened off
Stephen Hager and hopefully, he would lighten up on Andy.


<10>


Mulder couldn't read Andy's feelings from the boy's face
when he entered the Spa that evening with Taylor. As usual,
the boy was watching the swimming pool. It was past eight
in the evening. Mulder wondered if the boy was spending his
time all alone at home.


"Andy," Mulder called. The Spa was crowded with the
residents. At this time in the evening, all the kids were
gone and only grown ups busy with their fitness regimens
were in the pool. The heated pool was used to advantage by
the residents during winter.


"Hi, Mr. Mulder. Where have you been? I haven't seen you
for a long time." Andy beamed at the agent and patted Taylor.


Mulder could see that Andy looked a bit better, with a new
set of clean clothes. From what was visible, there didn't
seem to be any fresh bruises either.


The happy smile on boy's face as he played with Taylor stung
Mulder inside. Andy was really a nice little boy,
especially when he smiled. I have to see to it that this
smile wouldn't leave him, Mulder thought.


As they became enthusiastic over their chat and busily set
up the chessboard, neither Mulder nor Andy knew that they
were being watched by a figure in the corner of the Spa.


>From then on, Mulder and Andy met and talked in the Spa
occasionally. Taylor was also a frequent icebreaker. The
poolside turned out to be a good meeting place. It was
always crowded with winter weary residents and a lanky man
and a boy frequently seen together didn't arouse any
suspicions. 


Mulder sometimes had to put in extra hours at the Bureau,
but he tried his best to spend some spare time with the boy.
Fortunately, there were no major X-files and all he had was
paperwork in the meantime. But Mulder could tell that the
boy genuinely liked playing chess with him and seemed to be
happier. Mulder was relieved. Maybe, Stephen Hager really
had come to his senses and wasn't beating up on the kid
anymore.


Being with Andy reminded Mulder of happy times with
Samantha, too. They used to spend long hours on lazy rainy
days with board games. Mulder even remembered how he used
to annoy her with his big brother wisdom.


Samantha was always a deep all-pervading hurt in Mulder's
soul, no matter how much he tried to deny it. Basically,
remembering Samantha or simply seeing her photo hurt him, 
even now. It was one of the few matters Mulder was reluctant 
to discuss even with Skinner. Being with Andy was healing somehow.


The last night Fox Mulder had spent with Samantha, the very
moment just before "that" happened, he had a small fight
with her. It was ridiculous for him to think so, but he
couldn't help wondering if things would be different somehow
if they hadn't gotten into a pointless argument. And her
last words, calling for him over and over, always crushed
his heart with inexplicable sadness and regret.


Andy smiled much more easily now. They talked about a lot
of things and lately, Mulder even helped him with his
homework.


Soon it became a common sight at the poolside of Mulder and
Andy pondering their next moves over the chessboard.
Contrary to Mulder's expectation, Andy turned out to be a
tough adversary for his age.


When Skinner returned home very late from work, he found
Mulder asleep in the still brightly-lit bedroom, with a
chess book in his hand. Skinner wondered what was going on.
When the DD took the book gently from his sleeping lover,
Mulder stirred awake. Skinner sat on the edge of the bed
and touched Mulder's warm cheek and smiled at his drowsy
expression.


"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," Skinner apologized and
gave Mulder a kiss.


"Hi, you're early tonight," Mulder mumbled.


"It's already tomorrow," Skinner said ruefully. He flipped
the chess book and found Mulder had written notes here and
there on several pages.


"Hey, give that back!"


At the embarrassed look of the younger man, Skinner couldn't
resist teasing him. "What happened to all those paranormal
books? Found a new hobby?"


"No, I'm just..." Mulder's forehead creased but he didn't
say anything. He was wary of Skinner's present mood.
Lately, matters between them were rocky and he never knew
when things would flare up. They rarely saw each other and
in the rare times that they did, they always argued. Mulder
could never tell when he would start a shouting match or if
his lover would.


"Just what, Fox? 'Fess up."


"Okay. I'm seeing someone in your absence," Mulder was
satisfied to see Skinner taken aback for a brief moment. At
Mulder's silly grin, Skinner was relieved and made a stern
face.


"Who is it? Gary Kasparov?"


"No," Mulder smiled. He felt guilty and spilled the beans.
"It's the kid living in 1604. Name's Andy and he's pretty
tough in chess for someone his age and often corners me."


"A boy?" Skinner asked with alarm. This could turn
troublesome.


"Don't worry. We meet only at the poolside, about twice a
week. You know the Spa, Walter."


It was Mulder's turn to be uncomfortable. He knew the risks
too.


People were still touchy regarding gay men around young
kids. Even though only a few people in their building knew
they were living together, both of them shouldn't take
stupid risks. No matter how people said being gay was okay,
once a gay man was within sight of a child, a lot of people
became more than unreasonable.


Nevertheless, Mulder didn't want to leave Andy alone,
especially when he suspected the boy was being abused.
Mulder didn't want Andy to go through what he had to endure
all alone.


"Okay. But you should be careful." Skinner sighed. The DD
took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.


"Yes, I will, Walter." Mulder impulsively threw his arms
around the older man's shoulder then drew back abruptly.
For some reason, he was embarrassed, then Skinner grew
acutely uncomfortable. He wondered at the younger man's
moodiness and just as abruptly, stood up from the bed and
angrily stalked to the bathroom.


It was another two weeks before things weren't all right
again with Andy. The boy smiled less, talked less and
seemed troubled. It was subtle and at first Mulder thought
it was due to the fact that even without the suspected
abuse, Andy had to spend many lonely hours at home.


But no matter how hard Mulder encouraged the boy to tell him
if he had any problems, all he got was silence.


<11>


Walter Skinner was worried. Deeply worried.


"Fox. Fox, can you hear me?" Skinner lightly patted
Mulder's cheek.


"W -- Walter?" Panting, Mulder shook his head weakly.


"It's okay. It's just a bad dream."


Mulder gagged, which alarmed Skinner.


"No...no, sorry, Walter, I'm fine..." Mulder said in a
hoarse voice. His body was soaked with sweat and he
shivered involuntarily. Mulder was lying limply in the bed.


"What time is it?" Mulder glanced up the bedside clock and
gasped.
Four thirty. He did it again.


"I'm really sorry, Walter--"


"Don't mind. Anyway I was going to get up in an hour."
Skinner had a morning flight to catch for another meeting.


For about two weeks, practically every night that Skinner
spent at home, Mulder cried out in his sleep. It was nerve-
wracking. When Skinner asked Mulder what was wrong, Mulder
wouldn't give him a specific answer. Sometimes, the agent
said he didn't remember the nightmares clearly. Sometimes,
he said he had his usual bad dreams.


Tonight was no exception.


Mulder's sleeping disorder was not new to him but it had
never been this bad. Skinner made some discreet inquiries
at work so he knew that Mulder was not currently assigned to
any cases that were tremendously hard on him.


Skinner stood up from the bed and rummaged through Mulder's
set of drawers. He tossed a T-shirt to Mulder so he could
change from the soaked one. Skinner returned to the bed and
scooped up the younger man into a tight embrace.


"Do you want to talk about it?" Skinner tried to press for
more information.


"It's just the old stuff." Mulder didn't elaborate further.
He squirmed out of Skinner's embrace and moved to his side
of the bed. By this time, the physical rejection was fairly
obvious to Skinner.


<12>


Fox was scared to death.


He was there again. Standing trembling by the fireplace,
with Bill Mulder glaring at him. It was cold outside,
snowing. Nevertheless, here inside, it was even colder.
Young Fox Mulder wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go.


Every time, Fox wasn't sure if he would survive the tirade
from his father. He knew they were just words and couldn't
hurt him physically.
Nevertheless, he felt as if his whole body became numb and
cold and his heart was dying little by little from inside.


Bill Mulder was saying something, but Fox couldn't make
anything out of it. It was like watching a silent movie.


He was stupid. He couldn't follow orders. So he was going
to be punished.


Fox, you're weak. You're nothing. I don't want you.


Fox imagined that this was what his father was saying. He
was totally paralyzed by fear. He couldn't move a finger.


You're stupid. And you're a coward. You didn't protect
Samantha. You didn't do anything. You disappoint us.
We're ashamed of you.


Bill Mulder was shouting over and over.


"Dad, please. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry."


Fox couldn't stand it anymore.


I'm sorry, Dad. It was all my fault. Please forgive me.
I'll be good, Dad. I'll be good....


Fox begged him over and over, which had the opposite effect.
His father was furious and he sensed the heat of the anger
directed toward him. It was much hotter than the fire just
behind him.


His father's voice was cold as hell. Looking up, Fox felt
the choking sensation when he saw his dad with a leather
belt in hand.


I'm going to die. Fox shuddered with despair. Dad's gonna
kill me.


He couldn't run away, with his father blocking the door.
The fire behind him seemed like it would swallow his body
whole at any moment.
Fox wondered if this was what it was like to burn alive by
hellfire.


There was nowhere to run.


<13>


"...Mr. Mulder? Are you alright?"


Mulder was startled and he knew he had zoned out. He was in
the Spa, with Andy sitting beside him and looking anxious.


"Sorry, Andy." Mulder covered his face with both hands and
sighed deeply. "I had a bad dream last night and I just
can't shake it off."


"Bad dream? Do you have them, too?"


"I'm afraid so. These days, everyone does."


Andy fell silent. A sad smile appeared on Mulder's face.
It was absurd to think but maybe this little boy understood
him, because they were similar in many ways. But Mulder had
Walter. Skinner supported and cared for him so much but he
just couldn't understand what it had been like. Because he
never knew.


"Okay. Let's just say that in my dream I was a kid again
and my dad was not happy with me."


"Why?"


"Because I was a loser. I couldn't protect my little sister
and lost her."


As Andy wanted to hear more, Mulder told him about the
digested and more down-to-earth version of his childhood
story. That this Someone -- not something -- took his sister
right in front of him. How his parents grieved over the
abduction and how disappointed they were in him. 


I am doing the wrong thing. Mulder knew it but he couldn't
stop talking.


"Where is your dad now?"


"He passed away a few years ago."


"Do you miss him, your dad?" Andy asked the inevitable
question.
That one was hard to answer, but Mulder decided to be
honest.


"Yes...and no."


"I see."


They sat in silence, both looking elsewhere. Mulder didn't
remember when he had laced his fingers tightly in front of
him.


"It's pretty much same for me." It was Andy who broke the
silence.
Mulder tensed inwardly. Andy began telling him about his
family and how he lost them in that accident in a small, yet
controlled voice.


"That evening Mom drove us home after a weekend at my
aunt's. Dad was on business trip. It was raining hard and
very cold. I had the flu and I couldn't stop coughing. Mom
was worried and wanted to get back home. Then I knew
something bad happened. I..." The boy's voice cracked.


"Andy, you don't have to talk about it."


The boy kept talking. "I heard Mom screaming. Our car
started to spin and then flew into the air. I remember
Larry covered me with his body. Then I heard that awful
sound. I felt Larry's body crash and die. He died because
of me. Blood was everywhere. Blood and broken glass."


A single tear escaped from his left eye and it fell on the
back of his hand.


"Dad was mad at me. He said that he wanted Mom, Larry and
Abbie back instead of me. Even now when he's upset, he says
that I killed Mom and Larry and Abbie. He says he'd be
happier if I was the one killed in that accident.


"I know it's all my fault, but..." The boy was sobbing.
"Sometimes it hurts so much and I wish I were dead, Mr.
Mulder."


"It's not your fault. It's not your fault, Andy."


I know how you feel, Mulder thought. I know how it's like
to be left alone and have no one around. He couldn't find
his voice. The only thing Mulder could for the boy was to
give him his handkerchief.


Andy tried to smile, looked up and was surprised to see that
the agent's eyes were also red.


Then Mulder straightened and said. "Andy, listen to me real
good, okay?"


The boy nodded, slightly alarmed by the sudden change of the
mood.


"You know, Andy." Mulder cleared his throat. He was not
sure how to put his thoughts into words. "I know how you're
feeling right now. But even if you feel so alone and you
think you've lost everything ..."


All the memory crossed Mulder's mind. I was just like you,
Andy. For a very long time, there was no one by my side.
Until Dana Scully and Walter Skinner stepped into my life.
Until Walter changed my life.


"...you've got to move on. Larry protected you because he
wanted you to live."


Andy was listening in silence. He didn't seem convinced.


"Someday, there will be someone special only for you, like
Larry and your mom...who loves you and makes you strong.
It's hard to be strong when you're alone but you'll be able
to do it with someone by your side, someone who never leaves
you."


Mulder waited for his words to sink in.


"Do you really think so?"


"Yeah. You've got to believe me. I know it, because I've
been there myself."


"And you're not alone now, Agent Mulder?"


Mulder's vision started to blur. Damn. "No. Not anymore."
Mulder said. "I found that someone."


Mulder decided to take proper action for Andy. This time,
Stephen Hager wouldn't be able to wriggle out of this like
he did before, Mulder thought.


First thing in the morning, Mulder would consult with a
private specialist that he knew of, and meet Andy's teacher.
Then it would be best to tell Skinner about all of this,
before officially reporting to the authorities, again.


<14>


"Good night, Agent Parker." The DD said to his female
security agent. He was relieved to get out of the car.
Agent Parker was a capable and efficient security agent.
But she flirted outrageously with him. He tried to find
fault with this agent in order to reprove her, but failed to
do so because she was flawless so far.


"Good night, sir."


He had caught the earliest flight from L.A. to get back home
this early. There was no major conference or business trip
for some time to come.


If Fox had another bad nightmare, Skinner was going to drag
him to the doctor. They should go to the cabin this
weekend. The apartment was stifling and the problems both
of them were having might be due to being cooped up for too
long.


As he entered the lobby, Skinner caught a glimpse of Mulder
and a boy in the Spa and stopped. His curiosity piqued, he
watched the boy gather up a chess board and wave good-bye to
Mulder.


So this is Fox's chess partner. Even from this distance, the
DD could see that there was a resemblance between Mulder and
this boy: lean, sensitive, intelligent and somehow lonely.


Fox seemed to be lost in thought and for once, he looked
unreachable to Skinner. He decided to leave Mulder alone
for a while.


Walter Skinner waited patiently for the next elevator. A
stern man walked out of the Spa. He gave Skinner a mean
look. Skinner wondered why but he was never one to shrink
from such a glare. He gave as good as he got.


It seemed an eternity before the elevator arrived. Skinner
and the man got in, filling the small space with awkward
silence. Skinner noticed the man's eyes were bloodshot.
The DD tried to sniff surreptitiously to check if the man
reeked of alcohol.


The elevator stopped at the sixteenth floor, where the
strange man got off, leaving Skinner alone.


Soon after Andy returned to his apartment, he heard
footsteps. He knew it was his father. Today was close,
Andy thought. Fighting the rising anxiety, he headed for
the door to meet his father. It's going to be different.
Andy silently tried to convince himself.


He opened the door and said, "Welcome home, Dad."


"Where have you been?" His father's voice was neutral. It
was a good sign. Maybe he wasn't angry. At least not yet.


"I was in the Spa, Dad."


"Were you alone?"


"...Yes."


Silence.


"I see." There was a sudden chill in his voice. When Andy
looked his father in the face, he knew something wasn't quite
right. "Then tell me why I often see you there with that punk?"


<15>


Have I found that someone?


Mulder had said those words of encouragement to Andy with a
lot of confidence. But as Mulder walked the short distance
from the elevator to the apartment, he couldn't deny the
feeling of dread.


Was Walter home? And if he was, were they going to have
another fight? Stony silences were the order of the day
lately when the two of them were in the same room at the
same time. Sometimes, silence pervaded the apartment
because Skinner worked into the night or Mulder did.
Sometimes, the silence was from one or the other dozing off
from exhaustion. But most of all, the silence was from the
widening gap between them as each drifted farther from the
other.


So, Mulder was truly surprised when Skinner met him
unexpectedly at the door.


"Welcome home, Fox."


The older man's presence warmed him up. "Hi, Walter."


Skinner was glad to see Mulder's genuine smile after a long
time.

.................. 


CONTINUED ON THE PART (2/2)



BACCARAT PIECE: FIREWALL (2/2)
By Kiyoko Ishimura
GHB00253@niftyserve.or.jp 


CATEGORY: SRA 

RATING: NC-17 

KEYWORDS: Mulder/Skinner Slash 

DISCLAIMER IN PART (1/2)


<15>


By Friday afternoon, the world became a better place for Fox
Mulder.


Two days ago, the nightmares ceased. Getting a full night's
rest improved Mulder's perspective on things. The agent was
also relieved with the fact that absolutely nothing was
going on between him and Skinner in bed. Mulder's libido
had never been so low; in fact, it was nonexistent. Their
tendency for pointless arguments likewise was diminished and
this contributed to a certain sense of shaky harmony at
home.


Mulder was staring off into space as he thought about his
personal problems. He wasn't aware he had the same sheet of
paper in front of him for the last five minutes. He also
wasn't aware that Scully was looking at him.


"Just WHAT are you thinking about, Mulder?" Suddenly he saw
Scully's deadpan face and almost fell from his chair.


"Scully! What?" Mulder stammered.


"I just want to remind you that you're still on duty,
Mulder..." Scully smiled knowingly and settled in her desk.
Mulder cleared his throat and pretended unsuccessfully to
restore his cool exterior. He found himself blushing
because he was certain that Scully thought he was thinking
of Skinner in a certain way just when things between him and
his lover were so bad that they were treating each other
with kid gloves.


Mulder's thoughts returned to Andy Hager. The agent had a
meeting with Andy's teacher in an hour. She was rather
anxious, as she had been already informed about "the last
time".


Mulder gathered the relevant documents and stood up.


"Scully, I'll be gone for a while."


"Oh? And where, may I ask?"


"Personal business, but *not* what you might be thinking."


Then the phone rang. Mulder was fixing his briefcase while
Scully took the call.


"What? Hold on, please." She paused, then frowned and
looked at her partner. "Mulder, it's for you. Sounds
urgent."


His heart missed a beat. Did anything happen to Walter? He
grabbed the phone and said, "Mulder."


"Agent Mulder?" Andy Hager's voice was trembling. "Help
me. I'm here at the entrance of the FBI."


The Hoover's entrance was crowded with the people waiting to
join the FBI tour. Running out of the elevator, Mulder
looked around. Among the crowd, he spotted Andy -- and
Stephen Hager. The boy's father was smiling but his eyes
were cold and filled with enmity.


Mulder was riveted to the spot. Something nasty was going
to happen. He knew it by instinct.


The boy was frightened and looked more fragile than ever.
His brown eyes, the eyes Mulder liked, were sad and
depressed. "Mr. Mulder, I'm sorry." Andy couldn't finish
his words and hung his head, knowing full well he had
betrayed Mulder.


"So, you really are an FBI agent." Hager said in a mocking
voice. Hager emphasized the last two words and held Andy by
the arms, holding him tightly. The boy winced.


Mulder felt his gut wrenched with this remark. Did Hager
hit Andy? Of course he did. Andy was frightened and in
pain.


"Andy told me that you are a Federal agent! Isn't that a
surprise?" Hager beamed viciously. The entrance was
getting crowded as more people milled around. The FBI tour
was to start in a few minutes.


"You must be the one who disgraced me with those false
accusations. I did a little investigating myself, Agent
Mulder. I know you've been hanging around with Andrew quite
a bit and I'm deeply concerned." The honeyed tone of worry
in Stephen Hager's voice was patently false.


"What do you mean by that, Mr. Hager?" Deliberately, Mulder
chose not to tell him that he wasn't the one who had tipped
him to the child welfare agency. "We're just chess
partners. Ask Conroy or anyone in the Spa. There isn't
anything wrong with what we've been doing." 


"Of course there isn't." Hager paused, then added casually.
"Only if you aren't gay, Agent Mulder."


The words hit Mulder hard.


Mulder's chest felt heavy and he felt as if he was drowning.
He was caught completely off guard. It was too late to
pretend it was irrelevant.


Apparently shocked, Andy stared at his father then Mulder.


"I hit the mark, didn't I?" Hager smiled. Andy fell
silent.


In the background, female tour operator was calling to the
gathering crowd, "Hello, everybody. Please come here.
Welcome to the FBI Headquarters...."


"I know that you and your lover are living together. And
how you two are sometimes so intimate in the hallways or the
parking lot. He is a tall man, forty-something, wearing wire
rims and bald -- did I forget anything? Oh yes. According
to the mailbox, his name is Walter Sk--"


"Stop it." Mulder said through gritted teeth. He could
feel the blood rushing from his head. The whole thing was
making him sick. Hager's attempt to create a scene right
out in the Hoover entrance hall shouldn't be happening. Not
now, just when Walter could least afford any stain on his
reputation.


"I won't stop, if you keep getting in my way and ruining my
boy."
The cold smile left Hager's face. The man was openly
threatening Mulder.


"I know what you really want, Agent Mulder," Hager continued
to sneer. "But you are not going to touch one hair on
Andrew's head or do any of your dirty things to him."


"What!?"


Mulder couldn't believe this nonsense. Just what is this
man thinking?


This was downright nightmarish. In broad daylight, and in
the Hoover of all places, this bastard was threatening him
with the worst possible fabrication.


What if--if someone who knew him passed by and caught wind
of this conversation? They were beginning to attract the
attention of a few tourists already. Mercifully, the
security guards were too busy with the oncoming public
traffic to listen to them.


Stephen Hager was now enjoying his audience. "So, if you
dare bother us further, I'll disclose everything about you
and your lover. You know what I'm talking about, Agent
Mulder. One wrong move and I'll slap you with charges of
sexual molestation. And I won't hesitate to bring charges
against your lover, too."


Andy gave a gasp of terror. He finally understood what his
father was doing. He tried to wriggle out of his father's
painful grasp on his arm but he couldn't.


Mulder tried to keep a lid on his temper. But his anger was
threatening to take over him. "I should be the one to file
charges of abuse and neglect!" Mulder breathed heavily in
his effort to calm down. "I have reason to believe that
you're abusing Andy verbally, if *not* physically!"


"Agent Mulder, however hard you might claim that you were
just Andrew's chess partner, the whole picture takes a
drastically different interpretation with the simple and
plain fact of your homosexuality," Hager's voice was rising
and his voice emphasized the last word.


I should knock him out. Here. Now. Mulder thought in
anger, but his fingers were frozen and his body numb. His mind 
was too shocked and he couldn't just move at all.


"It's easier for the general AND normal public to believe
that you, a gay man, would cruise for a young boy like
Andrew, than for them to believe that I, a respectable
citizen would abuse his own son," Hager's voice dropped down
to a threatening tone again. "I don't abuse Andrew, Agent
Mulder. I just want him to be a real man. Not a fag, like
you."


Suddenly, in Mulder's reeling vision, Stephen Hager
transformed into someone. Someone Mulder knew very well.
Someone he dreaded so much for a long time. A very long
time.


"But I don't like trouble, either. I'm too busy to bother
with a punk lowly government employee like you," Hager
mildly continued. "So, let's cut a deal, Agent Mulder. I'll
won't tell anyone in the FBI about you and your lover, if
you stop interfering with my remaining family."


Mulder knew he couldn't confront this man, especially here
in the very public lobby of the Hoover. If he did, he would
lose virtually everything. However absurd this might be,
any accompanying scandal or disclosure would be fatal for
Mulder. Skinner would go down with him, too.


More than anything, Mulder didn't want to lose what he had
after all the trials he and Skinner had already gone
through.


"You guys, the tour's beginning." The female tour operator
called to the Hagers. She also noticed Mulder and smiled at
him. Mulder knew her, too. Marian at General Affairs.
Always nice to him when he went there for the Bureau car.


Andy's wide eyes pleaded with Mulder. Still, the agent
didn't say anything.


"Well, then we have a deal, Agent Mulder." Stephen Hager
was satisfied. The agent stood still.


"Come on, Andrew." Hager pulled at his son's arm and headed
for the exit, ignoring Marian's call.


"Mr. Mulder..." Andy cried in a small voice. Mulder didn't
know if it was a plea for help or an accusation. He let
them go, in paralyzed silence.


Mulder knew what he had just done. He had made a deal.


<16>


Engrossed with depression and self-hatred, Mulder stared at
his hands. They were clamped tightly into fists until the
knuckles were white.


He didn't even remember how he returned to the basement.
Mulder tried hard to hide his distress. Thank God Scully
left a few minutes later and didn't bother him.


Right, he had been always in trouble. He had been
threatened, blackmailed, beaten so many times that he even
lost count. In all those times, he believed he was in the
right. He was honest with the truth he was seeking and
trying to bring it into the light.


Not anymore.


Mulder knew that he chose his own peace of mind over Andy.
Left the boy on a lurch. Just couldn't risk everything.
Didn't have the guts to do the right thing.


The agent slumped into his chair and covered his face with
both hands.


Mulder wondered if this was how Skinner felt when Bill
Mulder blackmailed him. Once Mulder knew the whole story,
he savagely rebuked Skinner for not having confided in him.
Mulder imagined it must have been hard for Skinner, but not
this much. He was so naive.


Still, Skinner had made his choice because of a deep concern
for Mulder, even if both of them had suffered. Mulder had
hated Skinner for a long time, not knowing his lover's true
motives on why he broke off their relationship after Bill
Mulder's visit.


Mulder didn't know what to do. He didn't even notice that
he had missed the appointment with Andy's teacher. All
Mulder knew was that he still had a home he could go to.


Was he insane enough to pretend that the home he so wanted
to preserve from Hager's clutches was whole and perfect?
Just when things between him and Skinner were so rocky? 


Mulder never hated himself so much.


<17>


... I've got to get up and run, Fox Mulder thought
desperately in painful half-consciousness. Mulder's entire
body burned from the belting. He felt the blood ooze from
his raw back and drip down his side. Even his mouth tasted
of blood.


I've got to run. Dad's gonna kill me. Fox tried to stand.
He heard his dad bellow in anger and the belt lashed out
again. When his dad missed the target, Fox managed to get
on his feet and staggered out of the room.


Help me somebody help me please.


"Fox. You can't get away from me." Bill Mulder's voice was
following him. "There is no way out."


Yes, there *is* a way out. There's got to be.


The hallway was strange -- long and cold. He couldn't
remember where he was but he definitely knew the place.
This is -- 


Suddenly Fox realized that he was running around in the
Crystal City apartment. 


Mulder felt panic rise within him when he felt the heat
behind him. The red glow and the heat meant that the fire
was close by. But the hallway was never-ending. He
frantically banged on countless identical doors but not one
opened.


I've got to run!


But his legs were heavy and he barely moved an inch. He
couldn't breathe. Suddenly, Fox saw a bright white light.
He stumbled in his desperate attempt to reach the light.


Right before him was a big pair of immaculate leather shoes.


"I know what you did." Fox heard the familiar, rich
baritone. Slowly, Fox raised his head.


Walter Skinner was standing in front of Fox, looking down at
him and blocking his way. The eyes behind the wire rims
were cold and accusing. Terror struck Fox when he noticed
what Skinner was holding in his right hand.


It was a leather belt.


"Fox," Skinner said in a cold voice. "I'm ashamed of you
for what you've done."


Fox tried to say something but his voice had left him. 
The leather belt flared up.


No, Walter. No, please! PLEASE. No, no, no...


When Skinner lifted his whip hand high, everything around
Fox burst into huge flames. 


.................. 


Walter Skinner heard the frightened scream and dropped the
papers he was working on. He was totally caught by surprise
and it took him a few seconds to realize what was happening.
He dashed up the bedroom and found Fox Mulder still
screaming at the top of his lungs. Skinner froze on the
spot.


"Fox!" Gathering himself quickly, Skinner tried to soothe
Mulder who was thrashing about in bed. Skinner was afraid
Mulder had a seizure or something. Trying to calm him
down, Skinner reached for the younger man's wrists.


"No! Walter! Don't beat me! Don't beat me!!"


At a single touch, Mulder became more frantic and Skinner
got a good punch in the jaw. The DD's head swam for a
moment.


"Fox! It's me! Calm down, it's just a dream!" In
desperation, Skinner was shouting loudly. He succeeded in
pinning Mulder down with both his hands when Mulder's knee
hit his solar plexus. Skinner groaned but didn't loose his
hold on the younger man's wrists.


"Don't beat me! It hurts. It hurts, Walter! Please don't
beat me!" Mulder just kept screaming in a voice of sheer
terror and pain.


Is he dreaming that I'm hurting him? Skinner couldn't
believe it.


Yet, Mulder's resistance was so violent that Skinner
realized he was just scaring his lover unnecessarily.
Loosening his grip on Mulder's wrists, Skinner covered the
agent with his body as gently as possible, saying soothing
words to Mulder's ear. As a result, Skinner got extra
punches or kicks, but he accepted all of them.


For a short moment, Skinner's memory returned to Viet Nam,
where he had seen this type of shell-shocked hysteria.


"Fox! It's me, Walter. I'm not beating you. Take a deep
breath, Fox. Yes...deeply...that's it...relax. It's just a 
bad dream..."


Eventually, Mulder's resistance weakened. Mulder's eyes
were wide open. He was almost out of breath but kept
talking in a delirium, over and over. Mulder didn't flinch
at Skinner's touch but he wasn't totally out of the dream.
His words were incoherent and even inaudible, but Skinner
made out a few.


"Walter, please don't beat me... I'm sorry, Andy... put out
the fire... put out the fire... sorry Andy... don't beat me,
Walter..."


"Fox, there's no fire. No one's beating you. I promise.
Come on, wake up. It's okay, I'm here with you."


Skinner felt his shirt sticking to his back where he had
broken out into a cold sweat. He held Mulder's face with
both his hands. Slowly, the terrified eyes focused on
Skinner.


"No," Mulder stirred and tried to squirm away, which wrung
Skinner's heart.


"I didn't hurt you, Fox. I'll NEVER hurt you no matter
what."


Mulder shook his head and sat up. He pushed Skinner aside
and angrily thought of how untrue Skinner's words were.


"Fox? You want to talk about the dream?"


Mulder shook his head violently again and stalked out to the
bathroom. The agent splashed water on his face then drank a
glass of water.


"Just leave me alone, Walter," Mulder tiredly mumbled and
went back to bed.


"Fox..." Skinner felt like someone kicked him hard in the
gut, again. But the mixture of concern and irritation
turned to alarm when he found Mulder unconscious on the bed.


<18>


Scully felt a nagging worry the whole Sunday afternoon. So
she wasn't much surprised when her former boss called her at
8 p.m. on Sunday night. Over the phone, Skinner sounded
tired and nervous.


"Sir, it's Mulder, isn't it?"


"Yes, we...I need your help, Scully. I'm sorry to bother
you on a weekend but...?"


"I'll be there in about twenty minutes, sir."


"Maybe it's nothing, but I'm still concerned." Skinner
hesitated. "I appreciate this, Scully."


Hanging up the telephone, Scully hastily told her husband
that she had to make a house call.


For the second time, Scully entered the Crystal City
apartment. She noted with irony that the last time it had
been Skinner who was sick. Couldn't she come to this place
without seeing a patient? She shouldn't even be seeing live
patients, for that matter.


To her surprise, Skinner opened the door for her even before
she rang the doorbell. The relief on the DD's haggard face
was apparent. Scully wondered at the prominent bruise on
Skinner's tightly clenched jaw.


"What happened, sir?" Scully asked him as he ushered her to
where Mulder lay in the bedroom.


"All I knew is Fox...Mulder has been complaining of a mild
stomachache since Friday night. He didn't have much
appetite. Today, he took a nap at around five. Then two
hours later, he started screaming in his sleep. It looked a
lot like a seizure to me."


"Seizure?" Scully entered the master bedroom.


"I'm not really sure. He woke up extremely agitated. You
know his nightmares. Then he passed out abruptly. He
hasn't responded at all since then."


Scully rightly deduced where the DD's bruise came from. She
briefly examined Mulder and from her neurologic examination
of him, she couldn't see anything wrong.


"Did he hit his head or anything else like that?"


Skinner shook his head.


Mulder was running a slight fever and a slightly elevated
blood pressure. Besides that, nothing seemed alarming.


Scully put away her instruments and sighed.


"Well, sir, it'd be prudent to check on him again, but I
think it might be a case of exhaustion. It's an old-
fashioned diagnosis but it seems to be what Mulder has."
Scully paused and picked up a pill case from the night
table. She frowned.


"These are sleeping pills, sir," she said. She recognized
the familiar blue and white pill.


Scully recalled the Friday afternoon when she had answered a
phone call for Mulder, a phone call from a little kid.


"Let's talk outside, sir."


Once they stepped outside, Scully started. "Do you remember
if Mulder said anything about his nightmare?"


"He wasn't lucid enough but he kept saying over and over
about having done something terrible." Skinner winced at
the memory. Of course, he wouldn't tell her everything.
"He also mentioned Andy, the kid who lives in our building.
The rest didn't make sense at all."


"Well, this Andy sure gets around. Last Friday afternoon,
he called Mulder in the office. Mulder went to see him up
at the Hoover entrance lobby. When Mulder returned to the
basement, he seemed very depressed but he wouldn't tell me
what it was all about. Mulder was badly shaken. I thought
he'd tell you." Scully's voice trailed off at the end of
her statement. Skinner's discomfort at his ignorance was
apparent.


Silently she was asking Skinner, 'Didn't you notice
anything?' 


<19>


Slowly, Mulder came around and he heard the low murmurs
beyond the partially open bedroom door. He stirred. Was
that Walter speaking? Waking up was painful and Mulder
struggled to return to merciful nothingness. But it didn't
work.


Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and looked around with a
heavy heart. No sign of Walter. Mulder got out of the
bed and shakily headed for the bathroom.


Mulder knew he had a horrible nightmare, but he just
couldn't recall the details. All he felt was the enormous
sense of loss. Not for the first time, he was afraid of
what he couldn't remember.


He stared the gaunt face looking back from the mirror.
After rinsing out his mouth, Mulder listened.


"... Did this Andy call Mulder by from the entrance of the
Hoover? Are you sure of that?"


Suddenly Mulder stopped. He caught Skinner's low voice,
obviously talking with someone else outside.


Mulder sneaked to the door and pricked his ears.


"Okay, I'll find out more about Andy Hager."


That snapped Mulder's already brittle temper and he saw red.
In a split second, self-hatred and depression transformed
into an unexplainable, irrational anger towards Skinner.


Walter knew. How could he have known about Andy and Stephen
Hager? Did he know 'everything'?


On impulse, Mulder stormed out of the bedroom, shouting,
"What the hell are you talking about!?"


Mulder was face to face with a startled Skinner and Scully.


Everyone froze.


Why was Scully here? What did Walter tell her? Mulder's
confusion reached a head.


"Mulder, how are you feeling?" Scully recovered her
composure faster.


"What are *you* doing here, Scully?" Mulder snapped back.
"Why were you talking with him behind my back?"


"Mulder, you were sick so I was called to help you. You'd
better stay in bed for a while."


"I don't need your help! Get out of here!"


"Mulder..."


"Get out!!"


Mulder was confused and he really needed help, but Skinner
lost his patience. Scully was aware of how Skinner's body 
tightened in anger.


I have to stop this, Scully panicked, but how?


"You're out of line, Mulder." Skinner chided him. Mulder
turned to Skinner. His hazel eyes were unusually bright
from the agitation.


"I said I'm fine, okay? I'm fine! You're driving me
crazy!"


"Fox, cut the crap! Why don't you admit it?"


"Admit what?"


To her horror, Scully watched them shout at each other,
totally oblivious of her presence.


"You're not fine! You're ill! Don't you understand?
Whatever it is, it's killing you! Do you ever think I can
sit back and just watch you go through hell every night?
You're scaring the shit out of me! I'm not that insensitive
or careless as you are with yourself!"


"It's none of your goddamn business, Walter! I can take care
of myself!" Mulder's voice became shaky.


"When it comes to you, it's MY business!"


"Forget it! I said I don't need your help! You can't do
anything anyway!" Mulder could see his rage coloring
everything he was saying and feeling.


"Fine, then explain to me." Skinner abruptly lowered his
voice for maximum impact. "What does 'Andy' mean to you?
Why are you feeling so guilty about with him?" Skinner 
thundered at Mulder. "WHAT DID YOU DO? TELL ME!!"


Mulder swallowed hard. The devastation on his face stabbed
Skinner, and he wondered if he had gone too far in pressing 
Mulder for answers.


The dead silence in the hallway was almost unbearable.


"No." Shaking his head, Mulder muttered. "No I can't."


"Fox..." Skinner gasped. Scully looked at the ceiling and
floor, wishing she wasn't here to witness this fight.


Then the doorbell rang.


<20>


It took several seconds for Mulder to recognize the
doorbell. The buzzing was quite insistent. Mulder went
back into the bedroom and sat on the bed. He wearily
covered his face with both hands. The unknown visitor kept
ringing the doorbell then switched to knocking on the door.


"Should I answer the door?" Scully offered carefully,
anything to get out of the tension.


"No, I'll go." Skinner headed for the stairs and paused.
"Fox, I'm sorry I lost my temper. We'll talk later, okay?"
Skinner saw Mulder stirred slightly.


Mulder heard Skinner go downstairs. Then he felt soft
movement around him and a towel was draped over his neck and
shoulder. It was Scully. Her striking blue eyes were full
of concern and looking into them calmed him down a little.


"Mulder, I'm sorry if I offended you by being here." Scully
wiped the cold sweat from Mulder's face and neck. "But
Skinner was really upset. He just wants to help you."


"That I know." Mulder shook his head, deeply sighing. "I
know...it's just me."


Then Mulder and Scully heard footsteps. First, Mulder saw
Skinner followed by Andy.


"Fox, you have a visitor," Skinner announced with a troubled
tone in his voice.


Mulder got up to his feet alarmed at finding Andy here.
Surprised, Skinner and Scully exchanged glances.


"Andy, what's wrong?" As Mulder came nearer to the boy, he
knew something terrible had happened indeed. Andy's left
cheek was unnaturally red and he was scared. He had been
beaten, Mulder knew.


"Mr. Mulder, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Andy's face crumpled
and he burst into tears. "I know I shouldn't be here and I
know you'll be mad at me but I...my dad..."


Mulder knelt down and held the boy by the shoulder. "It's
okay, Andy. I'm not mad at you at all. Tell me what
happened."


Skinner and Scully were confused by the turn of the events.
For Skinner, it had been quite a surprise to see this Andy.


"Dad's been drinking and he was mad, very mad at me. I...th-
think he might k-ki... " Andy's fear was tangible.
"Please! He hurts me all the time! Help me!"


Mulder held him tightly. Andy's back was unnaturally hot and
wet. The unmistakable fresh bruises were visible from the
collar. Gritting his teeth, Mulder cursed himself.


This is my fault.


"He's sleeping, so I sneaked out. I have nowhere to go but
here, Mr. Mulder. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Andy tried to
keep his voice from shaking but he was unsuccessful.


"Andy, it's all right. *I* am sorry. You'll be safe with
me. I..." Mulder glanced up Skinner, who was still
confused. Mulder made his mind. "I won't let him hurt you 
anymore."


Mulder got to his feet then faced Skinner and Scully.


"I've got to go out. I'm taking him to the hospital."


"What?"  Skinner and Scully said in unison.


"He has a... problem with his dad." Mulder explained
further. There it was out, half of the truth. Still it was
going to be hard, extremely hard, to tell Skinner the rest.


I'm going to lose Walter, but he'd understand, Mulder
thought. But Mulder was not sure if Skinner would forgive
him once he knew this error of omission he'd made.


"Fox, if it's why you've been worried..."


"Walter, I'll explain everything to you later. Can you
walk, Andy?" The boy nodded and Mulder led him downstairs.
Mulder grabbed his leather jacket from the stand, got his
car keys and was ready to go.


"Fox, wait." Skinner cut in, following him to the door.
"You're in no condition to drive. Whatever it is, I'll go
with you."


Mulder hesitated but said in firm voice. "No, it's okay. I
mean, I'd better go alone." It was risky for Skinner to go
with him, especially now. "Like I said, I'll explain
everything. Trust me Walter, I'll be fine."


Then they were gone.


"Sir," Scully sounded uncertain. "I don't think it's a very
good idea." They heard the elevator close with a distant
ding.


"Neither do I." Skinner agreed, already in motion.
"Scully, check the lobby. I'm going to the parking lot."


The elevator ride to the basement parking lot seemed longer
than usual. Holding Andy's hand tightly, Mulder got out of
the elevator and hurried for his Cherokee. The parking lot
was deserted and unearthly silent. Andy was breathing hard,
which made Mulder nervous. He knew the fear too well.
Fortunately, the boy didn't seem to be suffering from any
serious injury and he was walking under his own steam, but
he was over the edge.


As they walked to the Cherokee, Mulder felt reality shift
around him. It was as if he was meeting something head on,
something he'd been running from all his life. As if a
forgotten nightmare sneaked into his head and slowly drove
him crazy.


Mulder almost gasped in relief they reached to his Cherokee.
It was when Mulder heard - felt- something in his flank.


"FOX!"


Slowly, Mulder turned around and wondered if he was, indeed,
wrong this time. Instead, Andy screamed in horror and held 
Mulder tightly at the waist.


"Andy! Where are you goin'? Did you ever think that you
can outwit me, son?"


Stephen Hager was standing with half a bottle of Smirnoff in
his hand. His bloodshot eyes were glittering with
uncontrollable hatred towards his own son and the man beside
him. Hager quickly blocked their way to the car door, facing
Mulder and Andy.


"Mr. Mulder... did you forget our deal? I told you if you
messed with my boy for even one more time, I'll expose
everything about you and your lover and sue both of you for
molestation."


The voice was menacing enough to make Andy flinch behind him
as Mulder shielded him with his body. He should have taken
his service weapon, even if it might lead to a more serious
situation.


"To hell with the deal, Hager." Mulder was glad his voice
didn't sound shaky in the least. "I won't let you harm Andy
anymore. It's about time Child Welfare handled this once
and for all."


Hager narrowed his eyes and snarled out. "So, you're saying
you'll give up your lover? Will you? This boy is nothing!
He's a little murderer! He took everything precious to me!
My wife, my boy, my baby girl. I'm rightfully punishing him
for that!"


The loud accusing voice echoed through the parking lot. He
was totally out of his mind. Andy was shaking violently.
Mulder could feel it through his back. The agent wished
that Andy didn't have to hear his father's hateful words,
words that will echo in the boy's mind for years to come.


Mulder took Andy's hand. The boy shouldn't be hearing
anymore of this crap.


"So, Mulder, if you report me, the FBI'll be hearing more
about you and your lover!" Hager vehemently spat out.


Mulder saw the hellfire from his old nightmare again. He
thought of Skinner, of how much the older man meant to him.
But he also thought of how important it was to do the right
thing.


"Yes." Mulder said quietly. "I guess they'll just have to
hear one more story about me in the Bureau."


Andy pressed his head against Mulder's back. The weight and
warmth gave Mulder a sense of security. He might regret the
consequences later, but he knew he was right. That was all
he needed now.


"Well then." Hager spit out. There was something dark and
menacing in his features. "If that's what you want, fine.
I'd love to know what your lover would think of you, as he'd
go down with you."


"You can hear what I think of him right now. I'm quite
proud of him."


Everyone spun around and found Walter Skinner emerging from
behind a concrete pillar. Everyone could feel the silent
anger under Skinner's demeanor. Mulder froze. How long had
Walter been here? How much did he hear?


"So, this is what it's all about." Skinner took a step
forward, his eyes boring into Hager and reducing the drunk
man into an embarrassed silence. The DD also glared at his
lover. Mulder should have told him, instead of facing this
dilemma alone.


Skinner was definitely going to knock out the bastard and
make him pay. His hands slowly clenched into firm fists and
he became unusually silent.


Panic quickly built up in Mulder. He saw the DD's balled
fist, steely gaze and clenched jaw. Skinner was barely in
control. It would be downright suicidal for the older man's
career if he laid a hand on the drunk Stephen Hager.


"Walter, don't!"


"I'm afraid you don't understand what is at stake. You
heard what I said to your sweetheart?" Recovered from his
initial shock, Hager wheedled. The drunk man seemed to gain
strength from Mulder's obvious fear of Skinner getting
involved in all this mess. "You'd both be finished once I'm
through with you."


Suddenly Hager paused and scrutinized Skinner's face.
"Walter... Skinner, isn't it? Wait, I know your face
somewhere. You're..."


"I'm the Deputy Director of the FBI, if that's what you need
to know." Skinner cut him off, stating it matter-of-factly.
The DD finished with formidable smile on his face, a smile
as menacing as Hager's was earlier.


Then the smile was gone. He was ready to strike.


"No, Walter, please don't." Mulder murmured in despair.
Walter was never meant to get messed up in all this.
Everything was supposed to be between Mulder and Hager only.


Andy sensed Mulder's fear. The tension between the three
adults was extreme and seemed about to explode at any
moment. Andy knew something horrible was going to happen.


Approaching footsteps and voices of a couple from the
elevators distracted them.


Andy's panic finally overwhelmed him. He shook himself free
from Mulder's grasp and cried out, "HELP ME! DAD'S GONNA
KILL ME!"


He dashed frantically toward the emergency door to the
lobby.


"Andy!" Mulder tried to catch the boy, but Hager was
faster. Despite all the alcohol in his system, Hager
managed to shove Mulder away and ran after his son. Skinner
tried to intercept but the man threw the bottle of vodka at
him. Skinner ducked as the bottle shattered against a
pillar, nearly hitting Skinner in the face.


"Andrew! Wait!" At Hager's roar, Mulder started to run.
They were heading for the entrance lobby of the apartment.
Skinner got to his feet and ran after them.


The sedate lobby was suddenly chaotic as the sudden bang of
the fire exit door created a racket. Andy rushed out from
it, screaming, "Help me! Help me! Dad will kill me!" The
pursuing wild-eyed middle aged man was the next figure out
of the fire exit door.


"Help me! He'll kill me! He'll kill me! Pleeeaaase!" The
boy's plaintive panic stricken cries were unmistakable.


Conroy the doorman, an elderly couple and Special Agent Dana
Scully --everyone was startled at this great disturbance.


Scully was the fastest to react.


"Freeze! Federal Agent!" She tried to stop Hager, but the
possessed man swung his arm, striking her in the face and
kept running. Conroy tried to stop Andy but the boy's fear
fueled his speed. Mulder saw his partner collapse, but
he didn't stop running after the Hagers.


"Scully!"


Skinner followed but wavered at Scully's crouched form.


"I'm fine, go!" Scully didn't even know she had barked
orders at the Deputy Director.


Mulder paled, realizing that Andy was now at the door, which
was open to the main road.


"Hager, stop!! No! You'll kill him!"


Andy, Hager and Mulder rushed out into the rain-slickened
street. The force of the freak frigid January storm was
fierce with big fat drops obscuring their vision. Andy was
running hard, looking back over his shoulder. His father
was about to catch him.


Then the bright glare of the headlights sparkled before
their eyes.


Night. Rain. Bright lights.


It was when Stephen Hager lost himself completely. Some
unnameable impulse made him push his own son to the street.


"ANDY!!"


Mulder didn't think. All he could think about was doing the
right thing.


Skinner saw in horror as Mulder's lanky form ran past Hager
and rushed out for the small figure squatting on the street.
Traffic was unusually heavy for a Sunday night.


"FOX!! NO!!" Skinner's cry was scratched out by the sound
of squeaking tires and sharp honks.


Mulder grabbed the boy and covered him with his body. 
A motorcycle nearly hit them but Mulder managed to dodge. 
The agent's frantic dash on the slick road caused him to slip. 
He tumbled down and hit his shoulder hard against the concrete
road. The pain and shock was too much and he saw sparks --
and two big orange headlights.


A large four by four was coming straight at them with the
driver honking frantically.


No.


Andy gasped in his arms. "Go!" Mulder hissed but Andy
couldn't move either.


Mulder heard someone screaming. He couldn't see anything
because of the blinding headlights.


I am going to die.


Bright light burning like fire.


Mulder held Andy tightly and thought about Skinner for the
last moment.


But the last moment didn't come.


Instead, a burly figure blocked off the light, standing
between them and the oncoming car.


The Ford Explorer skidded, spun and knocked off a fireplug,
creating an instant fierce fountain.


Walter Skinner panted heavily, still shielding Mulder and
the boy with his own body. They were surrounded by cars,
all frozen on the spot. But at least, the imminent danger
had passed.


Quickly Skinner knelt down and checked the huddled figures
on the slick concrete road. Mulder was still holding Andy
in his arms. They were all wet through from the chilling
rain and the spouting water from the fire hydrant and their
own cold sweat.


"Fox," Skinner called for him in a tight voice. Mulder was
conscious but Skinner wasn't sure of the extent of his
injuries. When Andy tried to stir, Skinner stopped the boy.
"No, don't move him now."


"I'm fine...Walter." Finally, Mulder found his voice and
said under his breath. His heartbeat was so loud and
hurting that he was afraid it might be jump out of his rib
cage. "I just...hit my shoulder. Nothing more." Mulder
managed to say through gritted teeth.


"God, I can't move." He moaned. He couldn't feel anything,
either.


A hot wave of relief overwhelmed Skinner and he held the
younger man's cold hand tightly. The agent shifted a
little, to let the boy go. Andy seemed to be fine.


"You okay, son?" At Skinner's question, Andy nodded. The
man with glasses forced a smile and gave him a pat on his
shoulder. The wire rims were fogged and askew on the man's
nose.


"Walter, my shoulder..." Mulder gasped. Once he was sure
that Andy was safe, Mulder finally felt something was wrong
with his left shoulder.


"I'm here. Don't move."


A big crowd was gathering already and the traffic was
totally paralyzed. What a Sunday night, Skinner cursed
inwardly. To his relief, the driver of the Ford wasn't
injured. Then Skinner saw Stephen Hager standing just a few
feet away, clearly shocked at what he had just done. He was
mumbling something and staring at his hands.


Skinner also saw Scully talking rapidly to the doorman, the
security guard of the apartment and a police officer, who
took care of Hager. Then Scully ran toward them hastily.
She was still holding a handkerchief to her bleeding nose.


"Sir! Mulder! Are you alright?"


"I'm fine. Andy's fine. But Mulder's hurt, probably a
dislocation."


Skinner moved aside to let Scully see them, when Mulder
cried out in pain. His left arm was twisted unnaturally and
he was deathly pale from shock and pain.


"Hang on Fox, you'll be fine soon."


<21>


It was strange.


Andy thought about the accident that killed
his mom and brother and sister. Then he thought of what
just happened. Tonight, Fox Mulder saved his life just as
Larry had done on that day. Andy looked up the tall,
bespectacled man who was tightly holding the injured agent's
hand as if he was protecting him from the rain, pain and
everything in the world.


-- Someday, there will be someone special only for you--
whose love will protect you-- and you'll never be alone.


Something caught in Andy's throat as he watched Mr. Mulder
with the bespectacled man. He let silent tears mingle with
the rain on his face.


<22>


They were lucky Scully was with them that night.


Once the ambulance arrived, she let Skinner ride with Mulder
and Andy to the hospital and she took care of the whole
situation. There were many witnesses. They made statements
of Hager pushing his son straight into oncoming traffic.


Skinner didn't give a damn at what Stephen Hager might say
about them.


Luckily, at the hospital, Dr. Earl was on call. He was the
same doctor in charge of Mulder at the time of his car
accident about a year ago and knew about their relationship.
Dr. Earl rolled his eyes upon seeing Mulder.


"Not again!" he exclaimed. 


After the dislocation was confirmed and there were no other
injuries, Mulder's shoulder was snapped back into place
under sedation.


.................. 


At first, Mulder was aware of the dim light. They belonged
to two long, pale lights arranged in parallel. They were
fluorescent lights. Then he heard a voice.


"Fox."


There is someone beside me, Fox Mulder thought fuzzily. His
vision was blurred and it was hard to focus on anything. He
was tired and numb all over.


Then Mulder saw Walter Skinner sitting on a chair at his
right side. The DD looked grim and tired. Skinner had a
plaster on his jaw and a bandage around his right hand.


"How are you feeling?" The older man asked.


"Heavy and hot..."


"No wonder. Your temp's nearly a hundred and three."


Mulder realized he was in a private hospital room. The
clock said it was almost midnight. "What happened? How's
Andy?" He was agitated by his own questions. On top of
that, Mulder was miserable and he was really burning up. It
was hard to breathe normally.


"Don't worry. You had a dislocated arm courtesy of that
heroic stunt that scared me to death, but it saved that
boy's life. He'll be fine."


As the memory returned and reality sunk in, Mulder paled
again. But he was too tired to do anything. And it was too
late. Seeing the depression, Skinner promptly started
picking up the pieces, sighing deeply.


"As for Stephen Hager, he's in custody for the time being.
Scully filled me in while you were out. Hager sobered up
and admitted about the abuse, but he hasn't referred to
us...yet. Anyway, there's no use worrying too much about it,
Fox. You did the right thing."


"No."


Mulder couldn't look Walter straight in the eye. He turned
his face away from Skinner. The movement caused a pain in
his left bandaged shoulder and he moaned.


"So, you know everything." Mulder mumbled tiredly. He
waited for the older man to start another of their pointless
arguments. Maybe this latest escapade would just be the one
that would drive them apart. For good.


"Yes. I know. Andy briefed me. Now I know why you've been
acting strange." Skinner's voice was neutral, calm and even 
cold, a little.


"And you're mad at me."


There was a brief silence. Then Skinner said, "Fox, look at
me." Mulder didn't -- he couldn't. When Mulder felt
Skinner's hand on his uninjured arm, the agent flinched.


"Fox."


"I can't. Please don't touch me."


Skinner sighed deeply, for the hundredth time.


"Yes, I'm angry and upset about all of this. Because you
chose to deal with this alone. Don't you trust me? You
don't have to be afraid of anything with me, particularly
when you're in trouble."


Somehow, the quiet reprimand sounded warm to Mulder's ear.
It made him forget most of the bad things that happened the
past months, the inadvertent slights, the misunderstandings,
and the coldness.


"But Fox, I don't blame you. I'm not mad at you, either, as
I know you. Both of us have been too busy lately and we've
lost touch with what's important. It's my fault to let it
pass for so long."


Mulder felt the bed creak as Skinner's weight settled beside
him. Then a big hand touched Mulder's uninjured right shoulder
and it started to stroke him gently from his neck to chest,
as if to relieve the pain stuffed inside him.


Finally, Mulder had to say it or the regret and sorrow might
overwhelm him.


"I chose my interest over Andy's safety. I should've done
otherwise. I knew I had to. But I couldn't. I'm...I don't
deserve..."


"Fox, I said I don't blame you. Didn't you remember what I
said to that bastard in the parking lot?"


"Still, you should blame me," Mulder said.


"He blackmailed you, Fox!"


"My dad also blackmailed you, Walter, but you did things
differently."


"What are you talking about? That was a different matter.
There was no innocent third party involved."


Skinner paused and wondered how he should take Mulder out of
the self-hate this time. Fox could be irrational and upset
right now because of the stress and injury. All right,
then. On to Plan B. Skinner stood up and quietly left the
room.


The abrupt departure of the older man startled Mulder.
Feeling uneasy, he looked around. After a few minutes, the
door was opened again and he saw Andy and Skinner coming in.
The boy was clothed in nice clean pajamas with a cardigan
and he looked better.


"Mr. Mulder, are you all right?" Andy asked in a small
voice.


"Andy." Embarrassed, Mulder rubbed his eyes hurriedly.
This was the DD's typical tactics.


"I'm sorry to come here when you are sick but I...I just
wanted to thank you, Mr. Mulder." Andy said shyly,
approaching Mulder's bedside. He stopped and gazed on
Mulder sincerely. The boy's eyes still had the worried look
to it but the sorrow seemed to have lifted.


"Thank you," Andy repeated. "Does your arm hurt?"


"No. Not much." Mulder had to answer. Still, he didn't
know what to say to this boy.


"I believe you," Andy said abruptly.


"Believe what?"


"What you have said to me in the Spa, the other day. Do you
remember? About someone special."


"Andy..."


"Honestly, I wasn't sure about it then. But today, when you
saved me, I thought you were just like Larry."


I'm not your Larry, Andy.


"And you protected me when you might lose everything."


I betrayed your trust once, Andy...


Andy looked up at Skinner, who was looking at them
wonderingly. Suddenly, Mulder wanted Skinner to get out of
the room.


"And when you saved us, I knew it was true." Andy said to
Skinner.


"What do you mean, son?" Skinner smiled at the boy, who
smiled back. Then the boy looked at each of them, at the
one on the bed and the other standing beside him.


"You're his someone." Andy stated. "Mr. Mulder is strong
because he's with you and you're strong because of him.
Maybe someday, I'll be strong, too."


Mulder barely heard Skinner answer his quiet but powerful
"Yes."
And everything went blank. Mulder didn't remember when Andy
left the room. His body still hurt and the world started
swinging because of the fever, but he didn't care.


Andy gave him back what he thought had been taken away from
him. Maybe Walter was back for good, his Walter.


"Hear me out, Fox." Mulder heard Skinner's voice as he
drifted into medicated slumber. "Everyone makes mistakes,
just like everybody else. Your honesty and courage,
qualities I love about you, always make you do the right
thing. Sometimes, you do it in the most roundabout way but
you still manage to do it. Maybe you don't know it, maybe
the whole world doesn't know it, but I do. But next time,
when it becomes too much for you and you feel like giving
up, try to remember I'm here for you."


<Epilogue>


As things turned out, nothing terrible awaited them.


It was determined that the tragic accident that almost wiped
out his family was the trigger for Hager's abusive behavior.
He was correctly diagnosed with major depression coupled
with a substance abuse disorder. The courts agreed that he
could have supervised visits with Andy only after he
underwent therapy and counseling for the depression, alcohol
dependence and abusive behavior. Surprisingly, Stephen
Hager didn't mention anything specific about his neighbors
living in 1704. Too many witnesses to Hager's behavior had
come forward.


Also, according to Scully, it was Conroy the doorman who had
anonymously reported the suspected child abuse to Child
Welfare.


Andy's maternal aunt in Chicago was appointed as his
guardian while Stephen Hager was undergoing therapy. She
was pleasant woman who was deeply concerned about her
sister's child. Andy would live there with her until he
would attain his majority. Meanwhile, Stephen Hager was
entitled to supervised monthly visits. Everyone hoped the
relationship between father and son would improve with time.


.................. 


It was a nice July evening and the summer was in full swing.
Fox Mulder checked the two mailboxes. He retrieved several
business and personal letters, all addressed to Walter
Skinner. This time Mulder found a letter for himself mixed
in the pile of Skinner's letters. Mulder's face brightened
when he recognized the sender from the childish scrawl on
the envelope.


Mulder didn't even wait. He tore open the envelope. Andy
wrote he would soon be back in D.C. for a vacation with his
aunt. And he was still eagerly waiting for the FBI tour
Mulder promised him.


With a warm smile on his face, Mulder got on the elevator to
head for the seventeenth floor. Mulder knew Skinner would
be home tonight. Everything was fine and the world was a
perfect place to be in.


END OF BACCARAT PIECE: FIREWALL
27-Mar-1998 / Kiyoko Ishimura

Feedback HIGHLY appreciated!! GHB00253@niftyserve.or.jp


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"A beacon in the night."
Mulder in reference to Skinner
Nisei
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